It’s okay to state that you prefer not to be touched by staff, and that you prefer that your daughter initiate any touching with the staff. She can say, “I need a hug.” I’m from a touchy family, so I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but the principal really does need to know.

I only got touched at home either in anger or manipulative hugs. It thrilled me to the deepest core of my heart when I got random hugs or arm squeezes or a rubbed back at school. I never asked for it, and never let on how much it meant to me.

OP here. Thanks for the input.

Is the touching my arm weird, or just the rubbing my kid’s back? I’m working on a draft for a letter to the principal. I don’t want my past abuse clouding my vision. I want a clear, factual letter.

Hell no. Needs to be confronted.

I teach elementary and hug my kids all the time. I can’t even help it, they are so sweet and snuggly. But I’m a woman and have three children myself, so that might make a difference.

That would make me so uncomfortable. I was molested by my older brother when I was a kid.
If that teacher touched me I would go talk to the principal

Even a woman from a dentist office was a biatch and touched my arm. Ugh. Fkers

Anonymous wrote:My 7th grade science teacher, who liked to run girls’ shoulders as he walked through the room checking our work, was arrested decades later.
I vote creepy for sure.

I had to check the date to see if I wrote this on an old post. Same. Except it was my 7th grade math teacher. Ew. We would be writing in the board or at our desks and he would rub our shoulders. Super creepy. We all knew it but no one reported that kind of stuff back then .

Sounds inappropriate to me too. Can you send an email to the principal?

I’m sorry, OP. Everyone has given good advice but here is an additional frame of reference: my DD is at a preschool-8th grade school, so obviously there are very different developmental stages all under one roof. Hugs, picking up, etc. all happen with the 3-5 year olds. For K-2, teachers have signs by their doors for when they greet students and say goodbye to them. At the beginning of the year, kids learn that they can choose how they interact with the teacher in the morning and afternoon and can point or say hug, fist bump, high five, or wave. By now they just ask or the teacher knows their preference. In middle school there are only high fives and fist bumps and that is very deliberate. The only teacher touching or hugging is for alumni who return to campus during HS or college breaks, and a couple of times when huge things happened like a child’s parents dying.

I used to think these rules were a little over the top but it’s better than the creepy stuff others have dealt with growing up (me included).

Absolutely not OP get your kid out of that class.

This sounds really wrong, but how old is your daughter?

I'm a teacher. It's not OK and not normal.

Very inappropriate. There was a recent article (I think in Vox?) about the gross underreporting of sexual harassment and abuse in schools. I would be upset and bring this up with the principal.

Anonymous wrote:Huge red flags. Not appropriate at all and probably against the rules.

My mom can't even tie her student's shoes as a K teacher. She can instruct them on how to do it. She can have them take the shoe off and she can tie it so they can slip it on, but she cannot tie it while they are wearing it because that's considered touching them.

Also, K teachers can't help wipe kids, even when there's an accident. The nurse can but if it's a very messy accident, parents have to be called.

The shoe thing is absolutely ridiculous.snd sounds like a misinterpretation.

As for the question I'm not eto accuse him of being a pedophile or creepy or grooming etc.
Here a situation where you use your words. Not the silly ticklish thing pp suggested.
With your other hand you create space e say I don't want to be touched.
Tell your daughter to say the same.. you don't want to teach her that all men are creeps but you do want to teach her what is and isn't appropriate and how to speak up

And you let the school know at best he gets retrained at worst they out a creep

He should know not to touch students.

Huge red flags. Not appropriate at all and probably against the rules.

My mom can't even tie her student's shoes as a K teacher. She can instruct them on how to do it. She can have them take the shoe off and she can tie it so they can slip it on, but she cannot tie it while they are wearing it because that's considered touching them.

Also, K teachers can't help wipe kids, even when there's an accident. The nurse can but if it's a very messy accident, parents have to be called.