Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Throw $20 in a card.

Uh, no. That is undermining all the YEARS of hard work it took to get to this day.

It’s a freaking birthday party, $20 is plenty. If they’re rich they can throw in a $50 but most people aren’t rich.

Your ignorance and insensitivity is showing. Please don't comment if you don't know. It IS NOT a birthday party.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Throw $20 in a card.

Uh, no. That is undermining all the YEARS of hard work it took to get to this day.

So all that hard work is for…cash? Gotcha. It’s clearly a money grab for you.

You are a crass and classless person, who is deliberately trying to be obtuse!

- DP

Half the people on here are insisting on amounts to cover lunch, nothing less than x, you absolutely must give a gift, etc.

Every other party these days people are near horrified if you mention the word gift. Yet every Bar Mitzvah post is shaming people for doing less than $$$ in amounts of x, you’re trivializing and undermining if you don’t give lots of $$, etc

It reads like a gift grab.

We are immigrants who were not exposed to the Jewish religion before coming to this country. My DD was invited to a Bat Mitzvah and we googled about it. DD wore a temple-appropriate outfit and we gave money that was a multiple of $18 in a card.

When I went to pick her up, I was quite surprised to see how inappropriately some of the other American non-Jewish girls were dressed. I think it is not hard to read up on these things nowadays and follow the etiquettes of not only gift-giving but how to dress and conduct oneself. Really, there is no excuse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the tradition is cash gifts in multiples of $18. As the pp mentioned there will likely be a gift table. I'd do $36 or $54.

i would do more to at least cover the cost of the luncheon. DD often would also give a star of David necklace to girls

First, a gift is never expected to cover someone's meal--that's ridiculous. Many of our wedding guests did not give us a gift that covered the cost of their attendance, nor did we expect them to. A gift is just that--a gift. That said, even if you did feel inclined to cover the cost--this is a luncheon at the temple. $36 probably does cover it.

OP, I would always give a gift at any mitzvah. Party or not. But the luncheon here IS the party. Not the DJ-hosted dance party many are, but a luncheon is still a party of sorts.

Sorry but I'll say it. No, it's not.

Sorry, but I disagree. A luncheon is a party.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Throw $20 in a card.

Uh, no. That is undermining all the YEARS of hard work it took to get to this day.

So all that hard work is for…cash? Gotcha. It’s clearly a money grab for you.

You are a crass and classless person, who is deliberately trying to be obtuse!

- DP

Pp who’s a recent bar mitzvah parent- we did a whole class (small private) party, plus sports teams- so lots of kids with a range of closeness to the bar mitzvah kid. Truly it’s a huge range- anything from $18, $36, $20, Amazon gift cards, to $54, $72 etc. Closer friends, $108, but even some kids that aren’t close friends still gave $54. I share this just so you can see that it really is all over the map, and so anything you are comfortable with is ok.

I say this on every thread--as a Bat Mitzvah mom, I will not notice or care about the amount or if some kids don't give anything. Or just a card is fine. Just getting to the service with a temple-appropriate outfit is enough. And I certainly wouldn't expect my kid to get $54 from each guest. Good grief! I don't throw that kind of money around for my kids' friends, no matter what their accomplishments are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Throw $20 in a card.

Uh, no. That is undermining all the YEARS of hard work it took to get to this day.

Stop. Any gift is appreciated. Multiples of 18 are traditional.

- parent of recent bar mitzvah kid

I agree. Anything is appreciated. But the attitude of "throw $x in a card" is trivializing the occasion. The attitude, not the amount.

You can gently place $x in a card and say a blessing over the card and money and future of the child but realistically most people are just throwing money in a card. It’s not undermining, it’s just realistic and shows op they’re overthinking this. The joy should always come from celebrating achievements and being together, never from money or gifts, imo. Perhaps we just hold different views on what’s important.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Throw $20 in a card.

Uh, no. That is undermining all the YEARS of hard work it took to get to this day.

I thought the reward for the years of hard work was the privilege of being able to lead services.

I'm Catholic. My kid got confirmed after 11 years of Catholic school with daily religious education. I can't imagine conveying to him that the point of confirmation was cash gifts, rather than the gift of the Holy Spirit.

It's a different tradition. I'm Catholic and for my kids' confirmations, we just went out to lunch afterward because parties with friends are not typical, at least with famiky and people I know. But if I were invited to someone else's event, I'd honor their traditions/customs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Throw $20 in a card.

Uh, no. That is undermining all the YEARS of hard work it took to get to this day.

So all that hard work is for…cash? Gotcha. It’s clearly a money grab for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Throw $20 in a card.

Uh, no. That is undermining all the YEARS of hard work it took to get to this day.

Stop. Any gift is appreciated. Multiples of 18 are traditional.

- parent of recent bar mitzvah kid

I agree. Anything is appreciated. But the attitude of "throw $x in a card" is trivializing the occasion. The attitude, not the amount.

I don't give less than 54. That's for casual friends of my kid who I don't know. And we have a LOT of these this year. We go up to about 180 if we are also friend with the family and attend. More for family.

Anonymous wrote:Of course. I would give 54 or 108. My kid has been giving 108 but there has been a party.

36 if there's no party. 54-300+ (depending on number of guests) for a party.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Throw $20 in a card.

Uh, no. That is undermining all the YEARS of hard work it took to get to this day.

I thought the reward for the years of hard work was the privilege of being able to lead services.

I'm Catholic. My kid got confirmed after 11 years of Catholic school with daily religious education. I can't imagine conveying to him that the point of confirmation was cash gifts, rather than the gift of the Holy Spirit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the tradition is cash gifts in multiples of $18. As the pp mentioned there will likely be a gift table. I'd do $36 or $54.

i would do more to at least cover the cost of the luncheon. DD often would also give a star of David necklace to girls

First, a gift is never expected to cover someone's meal--that's ridiculous. Many of our wedding guests did not give us a gift that covered the cost of their attendance, nor did we expect them to. A gift is just that--a gift. That said, even if you did feel inclined to cover the cost--this is a luncheon at the temple. $36 probably does cover it.

OP, I would always give a gift at any mitzvah. Party or not. But the luncheon here IS the party. Not the DJ-hosted dance party many are, but a luncheon is still a party of sorts.

Sorry but I'll say it. No, it's not.