I pay for things like the cat cafe, because it’s a special social event for my cat-loving kid who doesn’t do that type of thing on a regular basis. If my kid has money, it usually goes toward things that he’s been saving for like instruments or certain clothing items or shoes that are pricier than what I normally would buy him.

Anonymous wrote:DD received birthday money recently and a few friends of hers are going to a cat cafe. She does not want to spend money of her own going.

Do you fund all outings with friends or does your teen?

Is this birthday money the only money she has?
Does she have opportunities to earn more?
She needs money to come in and go out to learn anything about it.
Why is she holding on to her money and possibly willing to stay home?
I don't know if I fund all outings, but DS does have have a credit card and cash. He is not a big spender, but I told him to even pay for his friends if they happen to not have money.
There is not need to miss out on such outings. What about she uses her own money, but you offer her to do chores to earn it back and then some.
Money/banking can be her career. Seems like holding on to money is already know how to do. Time to learn to make it and how to spend it.

I pay for experiences, he pays for (most) things. He’s not really in to Starbucks but has paid for snacks at 7/11 a few times. He gets an allowance of 12/month and 10/month into savings. We aren’t super high income so I’d really prefer he saves money for college and I’ll pay for bowling or whatever.

Birthday money should be for something special, not a normal social activity, at least if that’s in the budget.

In theory I would have the kids pay for this. In practice I don’t. DD goes out with her friends so super rarely that I like to encourage it.

I cover what I think is reasonable, and then depending on how I feel about what I’m being asked to fund and how much it costs, I might offer to split the difference with her or I might say the remainder is entirely up to her.

I’m not entirely sure what a cat cafe entails, but (depending on info from daughter) I think I’d probably be willing to contribute approximately $25 (viewing it as entertainment and food). If she wanted to buy oodles of souvenirs, that would probably be entirely up to her. If there was an entrance fee, I might go a little higher, but wouldn’t necessarily cover tge entire fee. If the fee was semi-reasonable, I might split the difference above my limit. If the fee was really high, the difference would be up to her.

Basically, I’m willing to cover what I consider reasonable, but that has definite limits. If she exceeds that limit, and it’s something I support, I’ll match my level of commitment to hers. If it seems excessive, then she’s free to throw her money at it if she wants, but she’ll be on her own once she exceeds whatever I consider reasonable (which may be $0).

He has an allowance and usually brings his own money. I may give him extra, for example, to get lunch on a half day. But if he's just going to Starbucks or something on a weekend that's on him.

My dd gets an allowance and had a summer job so I expect her to find her own social activities.

+1 it’s fine to give her money but she should manage the budget.

As others have mentioned, a monthly allowance allows her to prioritize her social activities. Most of us don’t have an endless money supply so we prioritize all the time. It’s a good lesson to learn at this age.

I pay for outing because it’s an important part of growing up into a social person who does stay home watching tv all weekend

We are frugal, but I don't want my kid to skip activities or feel like she can't because of money. So we take this approach: I fund all the basics in my DD's life - she funds the extras. So if my DD is going out for a meal with friends instead of eating at home, I pay. If she goes to Starbucks after school, she pays. If she plans an activity with friends (ice skating, movies, etc), I pay. If she goes shopping with friends to buy clothes she needs, I pay. But if she goes to buy makeup she wants, she pays. If she needs something but wants to buy the luxury version, I offer to split the cost. She seems to have developed a strong appreciation for work and is excellent at budgeting and managing her money.

I guess for me the question is how capable is she of earning her own money. If she is 13, I pay for it. If she is 16 or 17 and resisting getting a part-time job that should pay for these types of expenses, I do not.

This is how kids learn to budget. She gets to decide if the cat cafe is more important than going to Starbuck’s tomorrow. Or, perhaps she makes the decision to do both, but only purchases a drink vs a full meal. This is how one learns wants vs needs.

Anonymous wrote:I’d pay for something like this.
I guess in my head if it’s a social
Activity I cover it.
Today she went to a Destination Imagination event all morning and they sell pins there. She took $20 of her own money and chose 4 pins for $17. I’m not funding “ stuff”

This is how I am as well, so I'd pay the entrance fee to the cat cafe, but if she wanted to buy merch there, then that would come from her birthday money. Like some PPs, I missed out on social occasions due to money despite working at a fast food place starting at 15. Coincidentally, her aunt gave her a gift certificate to a cat cafe (Mount Purrnon) for Christmas.