I moved out of state for grad achool and never came back. Used center-based care for two kids. It was still a decent fraction of my salary as a working MBA mother.

I loved the way Bethesda used to be (it's too high-rise now). But I literally could not afford to buy into the lifestyle. And I worked near the Capitol and couldn't bear the idea of a car commute in from Gaithersburg or someplace even more distant. So I decided to find somewhere else to live. But it was an irrevocable decision. It's easiest to get into high cost housing markets early in life.

It is tough to manage the expenses for sure. But it only lasts a few years.

Anonymous wrote:DH made much more than I did, so basically my $100k would have gone 100% to childcare, so we decided I would stay home. Made things much less stressful.

When I shared this same scenario recently I was told “you should’ve gotten another higher paying job”. When you stay home instead of work you will be vilified by all!

Yup! That was us. One reason of many we only had one kiddo.

It is a nightmare. We had twins and we had to take out a loan against our 401k to keep afloat those years. I also got a job that doubled my salary. We were not in DC but on NoVA which meant no relief at 4! We are now back on our feet again but we definitely won't be having anymore children. I always was horrified that I knew the day care teachers were paid subpar wages and that the system was absolutely broken in terms of affordability for the average family.

You could check your privilege. Most people do not live in Bethesda and pay $5000/month for childcare. This is not the "standard" in this area. It is the standard for UMC people who chose to pay for these things. Other people live in Rockville or Gaithersburg and use a lower priced center or home day care. They exist.

Anonymous wrote:This is standard for the area. Did you not know this before you had kids?

Right? Or as you had one kid before the next?

This is standard for the area. Did you not know this before you had kids?

Infants are the most expensive, because of the mandated child to staff ratios. That phase is fleeting.

But child care is expensive in the US. We, as a country, do but prioritize supporting families or children.

Vote Democratic if you have better values. (Though if you did, this reality should not be a surprise to you.)

Many families in our area decide it is more cost effective for the lower earning parent to be stay-at-home until the kids are in school.

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, it’s crazy. I changed jobs twice in two years to increase my pay by 50% to make it manageable. Not everyone can do that but overall - you take the hit for a few years with the knowledge it does pass.

Talk about crazy!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$5k a month for TWO kids isn’t bad, honestly.

I have a friend who just had a baby in Manhattan and her daycare is 3600 a month.

It always strikes me as strange that people think childcare shouldn’t cost much money, when your children are probably the most important, precious things in your life. Why would you cheap out on that?

That’s the take-home pay for around a 60k salary. For 1 kid. How is the “average” person supposed to afford it?

The “average” person doesn’t live in Manhattan or pay $5k per month in daycare fees.

Yeah, it’s crazy. I changed jobs twice in two years to increase my pay by 50% to make it manageable. Not everyone can do that but overall - you take the hit for a few years with the knowledge it does pass.

There are plenty of people who don't have retirement saving offered at work and don't even know how to save on their own.
All you have to do is take a break. People also don't have mortgages, but still rent, but your build equity.
I went to work but found a job that has night and weekend hours. We never used daycare and free prk4 came fast in DC
Oh, you even have savings. Raid the savings.

Anonymous wrote:How is it that childcare costs more than my mortgage? I live in Bethesda and have an infant and toddler. 9-6 care at a local daycare center is 5k/month for both! What do people do? Quit working and parent FT? Stop saving for retirement? Raid their savings? Move to a LCOL?

Yes, they do some or all of those things.

Anonymous wrote:$5k a month for TWO kids isn’t bad, honestly.

I have a friend who just had a baby in Manhattan and her daycare is 3600 a month.

It always strikes me as strange that people think childcare shouldn’t cost much money, when your children are probably the most important, precious things in your life. Why would you cheap out on that?

That’s the take-home pay for around a 60k salary. For 1 kid. How is the “average” person supposed to afford it?

It was a loss for us for a few years, but we did it until the kids finally went to free-school, aka, kindergarten. Things change at that point