Anonymous wrote:DS4 loves the water - he will swim (with floaties and an adult very close) all day, jumping in / going under etc. He is adamant though that he doesn't ever want to swim without floaties and that he will not participate in a swim lesson (even with his older brother). If I try to get him to learn with me, he will just sit on the side and refuse to get back in saying he'd rather not swim than swim without his floaties. he is a very very stubborn kid when he wants to dig in

I want him to learn to swim for water safety. I've seen kids scared of the water forced in and am not sure of the usefulness of that, but he's not scared of the water he just does not want to do a swim class or learn to actually swim. He does hate symbols of growing up (had to be forced off bottles, out of crib, off pacis, out of diapers etc). Anyone been in this situation or have any tips.

four is young. Maybe you could hire someone to do private lessons? I remember my brother didn't like swimming lessons because he would get cold waiting for his turn.

My son was highly resistant. Until he was a little older (like 7) and his summer camp buddies were in the deep end but he could not pass the swim test.
At that point he was old enough for kid-only swim lessons which he was required to do year round until he could pass the summer camp test. He hated every minute, but it was worth it (and now the pool is a tually relaxing again bc he is our youngest). Just bite the bullet and be the mean mom on this.

You might consider separating “recreational” water activities from “swimming” instruction, with no floatation aids for the latter. Agreed private lessons will go way faster. You’ll need to gradually overcome his fear of sinking by starting in the shallow end where he can always just stand up and doesn’t need to float. You could try with a simple back float — he will learn about his natural buoyancy and that he can use a back float as a neutral position if he starts feeling overwhelmed.

I’ll never forget the look on our DC’s face the first time they went into deeper water without a float suit. It was like “WTH?” But they quickly took to independent activity, starting with back float and then some basic drownproofing.

You could emphasize it as “water safety” versus “water play.” After all, they’re unlikely to be wearing a floatation device at every moment, but they could still fall in the water.

Anonymous wrote:Just let him use the floaties for another year. My daughter was a horrible swimmer. She was like a lead balloon. At five she her floaties on at the pool. Some kids called her a baby. Problem was she never cared about name calling. But if your son is sensitive to it he’ll drop the floaties soon enough.

Floaties promote drowning not swimming. Water safety and survival like starfish when they are young is most important.

Anonymous wrote:DS4 loves the water - he will swim (with floaties and an adult very close) all day, jumping in / going under etc. He is adamant though that he doesn't ever want to swim without floaties and that he will not participate in a swim lesson (even with his older brother). If I try to get him to learn with me, he will just sit on the side and refuse to get back in saying he'd rather not swim than swim without his floaties. he is a very very stubborn kid when he wants to dig in

I want him to learn to swim for water safety. I've seen kids scared of the water forced in and am not sure of the usefulness of that, but he's not scared of the water he just does not want to do a swim class or learn to actually swim. He does hate symbols of growing up (had to be forced off bottles, out of crib, off pacis, out of diapers etc). Anyone been in this situation or have any tips.

Took mine to private lessons after he almost drowned and I can’t swim. I pried his fingers off my legs and left him and went up in the bleachers where he couldn’t see me and watched. Swimming is a life skill. It’s great exercise. He then moved to swim team and is in high school and still is on the team.

Go to the pool one day and forget the floaties. He can sit out while you all have fun if he doesn’t want to be assisted.

He won’t drown if you watch him.

Then go again and forget again.

He’ll get the hint. Kids learn swimming easily from constantly going to the pool.

Just let him use the floaties for another year. My daughter was a horrible swimmer. She was like a lead balloon. At five she her floaties on at the pool. Some kids called her a baby. Problem was she never cared about name calling. But if your son is sensitive to it he’ll drop the floaties soon enough.

Find a pool where he can reach the ground. Ideally, it’s shallow enough so that he can stand with his head above the water, but deep enough to be submerged to his chest or shoulders. I equate time spent in shallow pools to time spent on a balance bike. Your objective is to get them comfortable being in a horizontal position, and swimming underwater with the security of being able to stand up, just like your objective for a balance bike is for kids to attain the ability to balance with the security of being able to stop and not fall.

I didn’t use floaters or puddle jumpers for either of my kids and we spent a lot of time in 2.5-3 ft pools. The main one we used was actually an oversized lukewarm “hot tub” adjacent to the big pool. They would swim under water and dive because they felt secure. Once I felt confident they could swim to the edge of the pool, we spent more time in deeper water with pool noodles. The problem with floaties is their biggest attribute - they keep kids vertical and not drowning. But kids need to be horizontal in order to learn how to swim. And they have to be comfortable in a horizontal position, not panicking for a flotation device. You have to ditch the floaties.

My kids are now club swimmers and their love for the water started with all those pool days. It sounds like your son loves the water as well, and I think, at the age of 4, without special needs to consider, it’s good parenting to push and make sure he is water safe, as well as unlocking more enjoyment from actual swimming.

Anonymous wrote:


Get rid of the floaties now. He's six. He is old enough to behave well for swim lessons.

Otherwise he doesn't go to the pool or beach and that is on you.

How is this even an option?
You failed OP.

He’s not 6 he’s 4. Did you read the OP?

OP I would consider a bribe to “ try” one lesson. Reiterate to him he only had to try one. Kinda like trying a new food. Once he’s done that one see if you can negotiate with him for more. Mine used floaties too but started lessons at 3.5. There was a Starbucks next door so she would get a cake pop after each lesson.

He’s old enough to learn how to learn , even if he doesn’t want to do something.

You insist on good behavior, listening, and trying. And trying again without complaining.

It’s much better to master this before K.

Lots of things aren’t that fun to learn but it’s much better if you go ahead and do it.

The only thing that worked for my younger kid was to hire the neighborhood lifeguard / swim coach for a couple lessons a week. For the first week or two they just played in the water, no pressure. By then my kid adored the teen and would do anything she asked. So when she started subtly directing him to things that build swimming skills - blowing bubbles, pushing off from the wall to glide to her, etc - he happily complied. She got him to do all kinds of things that he stubbornly refused to do for DH or me.

No advice, but I saw a parent do this at our pool. Her son was taking private lessons with a lifeguard. He was refusing. Around age 4. Every day for like 2 weeks I watched as the mom and the teacher forced the kid to do the lesson. It was impressive!

My kid was extremely attached to her puddle jumper but we just kept taking her to swim class and she got better and eventually didn't want to wear it. We didn't push it. She started swim lessons at 4 and was totally done with the floaty by 5.

I would think in one more summer, he will have friends who are swimming independently and will want to be with them.

Is he allowed to use floaties at your town pool? (Or club, whatever you do?) They are not allowed at ours.

Replace the floaties with a pool noodle, it’s a gradual transition to swimming