Anonymous wrote:I would have pulled them from public school earlier. I let my idealism blind me.

Do you mind saying which school district you're in?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have done more to pursue family friendships/community for my kids. During a mental health/mindfulness activity at school my kids were asked what adults love them and they couldn't think of any besides DH and I.

thats kind of a surprising question from a school as that could be so triggering for some kids who come from a broken home, etc....wow.

I think if your kids were able to state you and husband being the two who loves them, they are winning!

+1000

My kids recently loss their favorite grandparent and would have been devastated at that question

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have done more to pursue family friendships/community for my kids. During a mental health/mindfulness activity at school my kids were asked what adults love them and they couldn't think of any besides DH and I.

thats kind of a surprising question from a school as that could be so triggering for some kids who come from a broken home, etc....wow.

I think if your kids were able to state you and husband being the two who loves them, they are winning!

Having loving adults (who don't necessarily have to live with you!) is a protective factor for adverse childhood experiences, so I understand why they asked and why teaching children to think about the adults who love them could be useful for a mindfulness/stress relief program. I agree that making kids talk out loud about it could lead to them revealing stuff they might prefer to keep private (just like family tree and other assignments) but encouraging them to write it down without sharing it with the class makes sense to me.

I would have supplemented with formula. Breastfeeding and working full-time nearly did me in. I had to pump at work and the baby was reverse cycling and feeding a lot at night. So little sleep and my husband didn't hear me when I said I was drowning. He said but look, you're doing it. Gah.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have done more to pursue family friendships/community for my kids. During a mental health/mindfulness activity at school my kids were asked what adults love them and they couldn't think of any besides DH and I.

thats kind of a surprising question from a school as that could be so triggering for some kids who come from a broken home, etc....wow.

I think if your kids were able to state you and husband being the two who loves them, they are winning!

NP here and I agree it's such a bad question. I'm sure there were kids who don't feel like any adult really loves them, like if they are in the foster care system or have abusive parents, and how awful would it to be to dwell on that in the middle of the school day. I appreciate the good intent behind socio-emotional learning initiatives in schools but these kind of issues really need to better tailored to the student in question.

I would have pulled them from public school earlier. I let my idealism blind me.

played more
less fussing
should have raised them alone
I wanted/needed them to be my heart centered life work but my husband was also a handful so I have ill feelings towards him for that. He expected more from me than I wanted to give so my whole attitude was off. Even though I was a SAHM, I still think more good/fun time with the kids would have made a difference. Or not. Who knows. Nothing extravagant. More like weekly field trips.

I don't think more money would have helped but even if it did my husband still would have found a way to wreck that. He was such a damn needy MFer. Selfish bastard. He stole precious time from us.
We need a planet to raise our children alone. All men want is sex and someone to wait on them hand and foot. Love rarely plays into that. I personally never needed companionship. So I'm more of the knock me up and get the hell on kind of person.
I sure hope we reincarnate one more time and get another chance to fulfill my dream.

Anonymous wrote:I would have done more to pursue family friendships/community for my kids. During a mental health/mindfulness activity at school my kids were asked what adults love them and they couldn't think of any besides DH and I.

thats kind of a surprising question from a school as that could be so triggering for some kids who come from a broken home, etc....wow.

I think if your kids were able to state you and husband being the two who loves them, they are winning!

I would medicate my depression/anxiety from the get-go so my daughter could grow up with a less stressed, happier mom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have been stricter when they were younger. I have caught up with my husband, but it is harder when they are older and has caused way more fights than needed in my marriage.

I would not have breastfed for as long (12-13 months in all cases). I know it's good for them, but none of my kids STTN until fully weaned, and that extra few months of exhaustion was NOT WORTH IT.

Every word of this. Mine are teenagers now and I feel pretty good about what we’ve done and how they’re growing up, but their first years were needlessly miserable.

The two are not necessarily related. I EBF’d two kids for 15 months each. Both were down to 1 wake-up by 12 weeks and both were sleeping 11-12 hours at 5.5 months after one weekend of sleep training and the blessing of our pediatrician.

I would have done more to pursue family friendships/community for my kids. During a mental health/mindfulness activity at school my kids were asked what adults love them and they couldn't think of any besides DH and I.

Different co-parent, not the control freak he turned into.
I was never too involved once school started. The kids are doing well and are in need of nothing but food, shelter, internet, school, and friends which they have.
A little too much gaming, but I think they can put it aside at some point and turn out well.
I'm not doing the strict thing as they have the ability to do it themselves for school or job when needed.

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean about being their friend, OP? Can you give us some examples? My kids are 11 and 14 and I imagine we are gong to be tested a lot with this sooner.

Also what negative consequences did grades have? Obviously there are college opportunities but if you have more details to share I'd love to hear them. DH and I are sort of in a disagreement about this right now (I want them to get better grades, he doesn't care as much).

OP here- being less strict because I wanted them to like me more. Saying yes to things maybe a lot of moms wouldn't so I could be the "cool mom" (this one is hard for me to admit). Like a sleepover during the week. Staying out later when and being OK with after we had already set a curfew. Things like that. I think at times, I conflated being a friend to them instead of being the mom in charge with clear concise boundaries. I certainly had them, at times but wish I had been more consistent.

With regard to grades, another person said pretty much would I would say- they are building a foundation especially from grades 4-8. Its hard and not typical for a lazy student to suddenly get really disciplined with studies. That is to me, where a parent with clear boundaries comes in. By setting reasonable expectations with your child (based upon their ability) their failure to live up to those or surpass them is up to them, but the former would result in consequences.Loss of privileges, being able to go out on a weekend, etc.....I wasn't very consistent with that. My son was a naturally really smart kid but the laziness made the teachers crazy.

So in hindsight I would have been stricter and MUCH more consistent with said boundaries.

I'd have had more firm boundaries with overbearing parents/stepparents. That's it.

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean about being their friend, OP? Can you give us some examples? My kids are 11 and 14 and I imagine we are gong to be tested a lot with this sooner.

Also what negative consequences did grades have? Obviously there are college opportunities but if you have more details to share I'd love to hear them. DH and I are sort of in a disagreement about this right now (I want them to get better grades, he doesn't care as much).

I am not OP but have teens and can comment on the grades thing as I see a lot of various approaches to this with my friends. Middle school is the time to build the habits and most importantly, how the student views themselves and their capabilities and what they expect and want for themselves. Practice how you're going to play the game type of thinking. It's a mindset and if you're not in it by high school, it's going to be tough. Certainly some kids flip a switch in high school and start caring about grades. But most won't. And good study habits and knowing how you learn and how you study and what are your own strengths and weaknesses take time and practice.

My 2 cents.