Anonymous wrote:I will never ever understand why people become friends with their kid’s friends parents. It’s so weird

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids stopped wanting to be friends with the DC of our family friends after a really long time. It's sad for me, too, and I'm embarrassed by it. I feel my own DC is being disloyal to a long friendship but social pressure in the teen years is real. I wanted them to remain friends but I also understand why they're not. So don't blame the parents -- they may wish your DDs were still friends, too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in a little bit of a dilemma. We have dear friends that we have known for years, and our DDs were best friends. We didn't know them from our school, but their DD came to our child’s school a couple of years ago. There was a lot of drama surrounding her DD and my DD (And my DD's friend group). In short in fighting for our friend's DD, my DD got thrown out of her group and our friend's dd got accepted. Now our friend's DD does not talk or acknowledge our DD and is pretty much super mean to our child. Other kids have said the same so I know my DD isn’t making it up or it is sided story. I am sure our friends know that things are not good with our children. I am really upset at our friend's DD but what can I do. Not my child to parent.

I am just wondering how our relationship should be with our friends. There is like an elephant in the room every time we interact. Should we still hangout. We have given space to each other for now since we know of the drama between our children, and I have no interest in talking about it unless she brings it up. Any advice is much appreciated.

Tread carefully. The bolded makes no sense. Be cordial.

Anonymous wrote:I am in a little bit of a dilemma. We have dear friends that we have known for years, and our DDs were best friends. We didn't know them from our school, but their DD came to our child’s school a couple of years ago. There was a lot of drama surrounding her DD and my DD (And my DD's friend group). In short in fighting for our friend's DD, my DD got thrown out of her group and our friend's dd got accepted. Now our friend's DD does not talk or acknowledge our DD and is pretty much super mean to our child. Other kids have said the same so I know my DD isn’t making it up or it is sided story. I am sure our friends know that things are not good with our children. I am really upset at our friend's DD but what can I do. Not my child to parent.

I am just wondering how our relationship should be with our friends. There is like an elephant in the room every time we interact. Should we still hangout. We have given space to each other for now since we know of the drama between our children, and I have no interest in talking about it unless she brings it up. Any advice is much appreciated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are these friends you had previous to children or you are friends through your kids?

I think the first group you try to salvage and keep the friendship thread up loosely and time will pass and then you can reconnect. If it's the second group, you distance and see what happens and likely the friendship is over.

I have seen these types of issues implode so many friendships over the years. In general I think it's always so important to know that you do not know the full story. You just don't. The likely scenario is that mistakes were made by all and the likely scenario is they don't see things quite the way you do or your daughter does. And you just need to know you don't know everything that happened and probably her parents don't either. You're both getting the filter of your own child. I think it is super important to always remember that. A lot of times the kid that gets "dumped" from the group is seen as the straight up victim and the one who ends up on top socially (for the time being) is seen as squarely wrong. The reality is probably more complicated.

I agree it's always more complicated, but in the end it doesn't really matter in terms of course of action. It'd be pretty awkward to socialize a lot with someone whose child has a tense relationship with yours, or whose relationship has shifted. There is usually someone with hurt feelings.

Anonymous wrote:Are these friends you had previous to children or you are friends through your kids?

I think the first group you try to salvage and keep the friendship thread up loosely and time will pass and then you can reconnect. If it's the second group, you distance and see what happens and likely the friendship is over.

I have seen these types of issues implode so many friendships over the years. In general I think it's always so important to know that you do not know the full story. You just don't. The likely scenario is that mistakes were made by all and the likely scenario is they don't see things quite the way you do or your daughter does. And you just need to know you don't know everything that happened and probably her parents don't either. You're both getting the filter of your own child. I think it is super important to always remember that. A lot of times the kid that gets "dumped" from the group is seen as the straight up victim and the one who ends up on top socially (for the time being) is seen as squarely wrong. The reality is probably more complicated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in a little bit of a dilemma. We have dear friends that we have known for years, and our DDs were best friends. We didn't know them from our school, but their DD came to our child’s school a couple of years ago. There was a lot of drama surrounding her DD and my DD (And my DD's friend group). In short in fighting for our friend's DD, my DD got thrown out of her group and our friend's dd got accepted. Now our friend's DD does not talk or acknowledge our DD and is pretty much super mean to our child. Other kids have said the same so I know my DD isn’t making it up or it is sided story. I am sure our friends know that things are not good with our children. I am really upset at our friend's DD but what can I do. Not my child to parent.

I am just wondering how our relationship should be with our friends. There is like an elephant in the room every time we interact. Should we still hangout. We have given space to each other for now since we know of the drama between our children, and I have no interest in talking about it unless she brings it up. Any advice is much appreciated.

Tread carefully. The bolded makes no sense. Be cordial.

Anonymous wrote:I am in a little bit of a dilemma. We have dear friends that we have known for years, and our DDs were best friends. We didn't know them from our school, but their DD came to our child’s school a couple of years ago. There was a lot of drama surrounding her DD and my DD (And my DD's friend group). In short in fighting for our friend's DD, my DD got thrown out of her group and our friend's dd got accepted. Now our friend's DD does not talk or acknowledge our DD and is pretty much super mean to our child. Other kids have said the same so I know my DD isn’t making it up or it is sided story. I am sure our friends know that things are not good with our children. I am really upset at our friend's DD but what can I do. Not my child to parent.

I am just wondering how our relationship should be with our friends. There is like an elephant in the room every time we interact. Should we still hangout. We have given space to each other for now since we know of the drama between our children, and I have no interest in talking about it unless she brings it up. Any advice is much appreciated.