3+ kid families are more desired but that’s not actually what’s happening. From Gallup, Sept 2023:

“Since the Great Recession, Americans have been increasingly likely to say larger families are preferable, but birth rates in the U.S. have been declining. This suggests that while they may see larger families as ideal, other factors are preventing them from implementing this in their own lives.

In all, 31% of U.S. adults report that they have not had any children, while 14% have had one child, 28% have had two, 15% have had three, 7% have had four and 5% have had five or more.”

I recall reading an article that the number of families with 2 or 3 kids was somewhat steady over time, but that 4 kid families have dropped precipitously and many more people now have an only.

In any case, at our part time preschool with lots of SAHMs/ very flexible job parents, there are a lot of 3 kid families. It’s a pretty middle class/ UMC but not wealthy bunch, but I think the SAHM (or similar) lifestyle is key.

3 yea, but 4 is still uncommon

Anonymous wrote:I definitely feel like this is true. Growing up, this was NOT the norm - I remember only one or two families who had 3+ kids (other than really religious families) but the most commons number of children of families in our schools and social circle is 3, followed by 2, then 4 (and then onlys or 5+). I personally know half a dozen families with 5+ children.

Large families weee more common 40 years ago bugaboo

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see a lot of accidental 3 kid families lately, one older kid followed by twins. When I was growing up, I didn't know a lot of families with more than two. In fact, a lot of my friends were only children.

How do you know the twins were an accident? And lots of twin accidents? You just live in a neighborhood where everyone is accidentally having twins after an older child. Mmmhmmm

Uh, you can't just....have twins on purpose. You understand that right? Twins are spontaneous. Maybe some of these families would have gone for a third regardless, but they didn't plan their twins...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Agree with this.

We live in an extremely wealthy area (median price of house in zip code is $4.4 million) and I would say 30-35% have 3. Almost as common as 2 kid families. It’s not a religious thing. It’s a wealth thing.

Anonymous wrote:I see a lot of accidental 3 kid families lately, one older kid followed by twins. When I was growing up, I didn't know a lot of families with more than two. In fact, a lot of my friends were only children.

How do you know the twins were an accident? And lots of twin accidents? You just live in a neighborhood where everyone is accidentally having twins after an older child. Mmmhmmm

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Agree with this.

+2, including 3&4 as twins. Happened to two people I know.

Anonymous wrote:I definitely feel like there are more families going for a third, not a fourth though. We're in regular middle class DC (limited space and budget for extra help, but comfortable enough).

Middle class don't have help.

Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Agree with this.

Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.

Anonymous wrote:I definitely feel like this is true. Growing up, this was NOT the norm - I remember only one or two families who had 3+ kids (other than really religious families) but the most commons number of children of families in our schools and social circle is 3, followed by 2, then 4 (and then onlys or 5+). I personally know half a dozen families with 5+ children.

This is pretty much the same for me. I have 3, most people I know have 3. Some have 2 or 4. Rarely 5 or 1.

Yes, 3 is increasingly common in my area- definitely know many many. I only know a few with 4. I don’t think I know anyone with more than 4.

2 is still the most common for sure though.

I also agree that the 3rd is often a “surprise” (was for us).

I definitely feel like this is true. Growing up, this was NOT the norm - I remember only one or two families who had 3+ kids (other than really religious families) but the most commons number of children of families in our schools and social circle is 3, followed by 2, then 4 (and then onlys or 5+). I personally know half a dozen families with 5+ children.

Anonymous wrote:Not in my [UMC, DMV, mostly dual income family] circle. Recently a slightly younger friend announced they are having a third and while I am happy for them, as they seem excited, privately I was shocked. I cannot imagine having 3 kids and living the life we currently live, which I think is great.

Should have said: most families we know have 2 kids. Way more only children in our circle than I knew growing up in a similar community. Definitely seems like a trend towards more onlies -- I think there is less stigma to doing this now. People don't always assume it's due to secondary infertility or marital problems (30 years ago everyone would have assumed that was it) and it's become more acceptable to say you're one and done by choice. To me, that's the big shift, not more 3+ families.