The OP did say the adult kids have known each other and are friends. This is probably a family friend child situation from childhood pushed out to adult children. Still though many times those friendships are like cousins. A bit forced and sometimes they click genuinely and sometimes not.

But to answer your question OP yes I’ve been on a group vacation and felt bad about my family and I didn’t go with those people again.

Why would people in their 20s and 30s want to spend time with other families whom they are not friends with, and the only connection is their 50 and 60 something parents? 5his is the worst vacation I’ve heard of in a while.

OP, your family is the normal and well adjusted family. Your kids know themselves and act accordingly. At that age, they don't need your approval. You've raised them well.

The other families (especially the adult children!) are doing some ingrained performative bullshit. Country Club families are full of this culture. It's weird!

R aspie

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are teens so I can't speak to the young adult angle. But our kids have some SN. Getting together with more flexible and functional families is a godsend for us, because of the positive peer pressure and regulating effect they have on our kids.

+ 1

Having others around helps our aspie parent participate and talk more. He’ll still cut out a lot to “work” but it’s vastly better than just the four of us traveling and him ignoring everyone.

Are your kids friends with each other? Do they see each other often? I ask because I married into a family like the functional ones on your trip you are jealous of and my husband and his siblings are genuinely friends and also live far apart. They enjoy spending time together and together with their parents. I wish I knew what the magic formula is to make that happen, but I’m an only child with parents who bicker all the time. I stopped inviting my parents on trips with my husband’s family because I am constantly making excuses for them and managing my mom’s jealousy over how much fun and how easy and comfortable his family is and how I’m part of that now.

OP, this type of vacation is not for everyone. And with adult children and their SOs it does sound like a really large and diverse group. It's highly possible that someone will feel that they don't fit in well, thus bowing out of certain activities. The only way such large group vacation can work is when the schedule is loose and not every meal is planned as a meetup occasion.

Maybe your kids had some genuinely not great moments that warrants a talk. More likely the dynamic just does not work for them and rather than feeling anxious and apologizing on their behalf, you could lower your expectation and let them have some space.

Your adult child chose to spend vacation time with his fiancee rather than with his parents friends, and you describe that as "uncooperative"?

You say only 2 wanted to come. How old is the "child" you forced to come? How did you force it?

Adults vacationing together should be allowed to decided how much or little time to spend together. You can eat lunch on the slopes with your friends, and they can join or not join. Neither choice is "uncooperative".

Cannot relate. We have not had a vacation in years.

Really unusual to vacation in friend groups with adult kids and spouses IMO. I would’ve declined the trip (as an adult child). However- I am assuming you paid for the trip and they agreed to come, so the adult kids should’ve been more polite.

Not a big deal but I would not schedule those types of trips again.

Sounds awful. Just say No next time.

Are your kids introverts? Have anxiety in any way? I think either or both could affect how they engage in these kinds of situations.
High extroverted families without any mental health issues are just fine showing up, hanging out, no break needed, no down time.
Both my DH and DC would have a problem engaging for extended periods of time in the situation you described, unless they were really really close family friends or family and no one had to feel ‘on’.

I am 43 and have successfully spared myself that particular hell by never vacationing with friends!

We are an ADHD/HFA family. We're always going to be different, and someone might be abrupt or socially inept (and by someone, I mean my husband).

So we vacation either just our nuclear family, or with siblings or parents, who know how we operate.

I'm not saying you have diagnoses, OP. But that if you feel your family isn't as social and outwardly bRigHt ShiNy sMiLEs, that's fine. Stop vacationing that way.

Our kids are teens so I can't speak to the young adult angle. But our kids have some SN. Getting together with more flexible and functional families is a godsend for us, because of the positive peer pressure and regulating effect they have on our kids.

Did you ask your adult children what was going on? What did they say? There might be some dynamics afoot amount the younger generation you’re not aware of.

Are you paying for your adult children to vacation with you and your friends?