No, I would not be offended.

I have boys and a girl. My boys probably wouldn’t even want to go on this trip anymore.

I cannot believe the number of people who said no way! My best friend and I have opposite gender teens and they have shared a room on vacation multiple times per year. When they come visit my home, their daughter sleeps on my son’s bottom bunk. They’ve been best buddies forever and see one another like siblings.

I shared tents, rooms, floor space etc with my opposite gender cousins my whole life. I really loved those experiences- staying up late telling stories and goofing around.

I know that we all want to keep our kids safe and I would never make anyone sleep somewhere they didn’t choose.

For the record I might say “are we safe to have them share a room?” if I meant “can you ask if your kid is still good with this?”

Don’t overthink it - it was worded awkwardly, but maybe that’s because it’s an awkward conversation your friend wasn’t sure how to approach.

It’s also a totally valid & appropriate conversation to have now that the kids are 13 - should they still be bunking together? Do they want to? Do you want them to?

This is your friend of 10+ years having a conversation with you about your 13 yr olds & the possibility that they may experiment sexually together. Geez, yes, cut her a break for being awkward.

friend or not

Horrible, weird way to phrase it ... "safe". Ridiculous! However, perfectly reasonable. - and predictable- that now that the kids are older, that they should be in separate rooms.

I had the same situation. When the girl brought a friend it was assumed they’d be in different room. Otherwise our boy and their girl always shared a room.

Anonymous wrote:The word "safe" is a bit offensive but why hasn't it crossed your mind that a teen boy and teen girl should no longer be sharing a room? Sheesh.

+1

“Safe” was definitely not the correct word to use. It’s more a question of everyone’s comfortability with the situation. If the kids were still fine with it and the parents were still fine with it, then I’d let it be. Of course you issue the usual reminders, but boys and girls can be friends (even as teenagers) without issue. It’s actually good and helpful to have friends of the opposite sex of which you have no romantic interest.

I would not have said safe, but to me it is a no brainer that no, they would not be sharing a room.

I don’t think the 13 year olds should share a room post puberty IMO. I vacation with friends and the teens are not sharing bedrooms with the opposite sex.

She probably meant does she feel safe. That is a very thoughtful question to be asking.

Not offended, but disappointed at the underlying assumption.

I was a bit miffed when a friend declared she’d never allow her DD to have sleepovers in homes with older boys. Our DDs were good friends at the time, and my son is older. Years later, he still hasn’t shown any interest in romance. Neither I nor DD had even talked about sleepovers with this friend.

It’s disingenuous to assume that the first move always comes from boys, or that somehow they have less self control. I find that parents who only have girls often make these assumptions.

Not that they should sleep in the same room! But it may not the boy who starts things…

I grew up with someone who is like a brother to me. I’ve known him since the day he was born. Our parents are best friends and we spent holidays, dinners, vacations, random Tuesdays together. We would never have shared a room, alone as teenagers.

Agree with the rest. At age 13, not appropriate. I would not use the word “safe”- that isn’t it- just awkward and inappropriate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The word "safe" is a bit offensive but why hasn't it crossed your mind that a teen boy and teen girl should no longer be sharing a room? Sheesh.

Very offensive to ask if girl will be “safe,” but it’s time for them to stop sharing a room.

DP - why is it time if the kids and parents are all ok with it? Sounds like the kids function almost like siblings.