Anonymous
01/21/2024 17:18
Subject: How do you cope with having to physically stop or force your large child to do things?
Anonymous wrote:Op here. Is it legal to create a safe room that I can lock DS inside of? We have a safe room that locks from the inside and we sometimes lock ourselves in that room with him. It has a bed and we can lie in it and the room is safe.
But what happens when I go in there with DS is he will scream directly in my ear or throw things at me, so it’s not restful.
Wondering if I could create a room I could lock DS in from the outside, what a camera on the inside. So I could keep him safe but get away from him.
I’m
At the absolute end of my rope today.
Op here. To clarify some of our therapies happen at home and we sometimes have caseworkers from DDD come to our house so I don’t want to do anything that is illegal or would cause them to report me for something.
Anonymous
01/21/2024 17:17
Subject: How do you cope with having to physically stop or force your large child to do things?
Op here. Is it legal to create a safe room that I can lock DS inside of? We have a safe room that locks from the inside and we sometimes lock ourselves in that room with him. It has a bed and we can lie in it and the room is safe.
But what happens when I go in there with DS is he will scream directly in my ear or throw things at me, so it’s not restful.
Wondering if I could create a room I could lock DS in from the outside, what a camera on the inside. So I could keep him safe but get away from him.
I’m
At the absolute end of my rope today.
But what happens when I go in there with DS is he will scream directly in my ear or throw things at me, so it’s not restful.
Wondering if I could create a room I could lock DS in from the outside, what a camera on the inside. So I could keep him safe but get away from him.
I’m
At the absolute end of my rope today.
Anonymous
01/21/2024 17:10
Subject: How do you cope with having to physically stop or force your large child to do things?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Here is a list of recommendations that can make it a little safer/less stressful. In particular having a current photo, the ID bracelet (or conceal ID in a shoe), and teaching how to cross the street if you can.
https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/disabilityandsafety/wandering.html
I wonder if you really did have to pick him up after he broke the plates. As you say, this isn't sustainable for you physically as he grows. What would you do if you really couldn't lift him anymore? You might like to look into Pathological Demand Avoidance parenting strategies, because a lot of it's about how the parent can survive and endure really really really horrible and disrespectful behavior. Sometimes it's painful to read it, because the advice is things like, "take deep breaths while your child is screaming at you". Or "ask him politely to slap you less hard". But for people in that situation I think it helps.
Op here. He was barefoot and there was broken glass everywhere.
Plastic plates in the future sounds like the way to go, then. Think through your home and all the reasons you might need to lift and carry him, and try to eliminate them. The easiest person to change and control in this situation is yourself, right? So do everything you can to lighten your physical load.
Similarly, you felt you had to carry him home. Because he was naked, right? Or as a consequence? What alternatives might there be-- could you keep a "go bag" by your door with a blanket or robe in it? Because you are right to think this lifting and carrying is going to cause you an injury. And then you'll be injured and he'll be outside and then what?
Try Casey Ehrlich's work on Instagram and Youtube. She really focuses on parents trying to come up with their own solutions for their specific child, and she gives a lot of empathy for how incredibly difficult this is.
Anonymous
01/21/2024 17:07
Subject: How do you cope with having to physically stop or force your large child to do things?
Anonymous wrote:Here is a list of recommendations that can make it a little safer/less stressful. In particular having a current photo, the ID bracelet (or conceal ID in a shoe), and teaching how to cross the street if you can.
https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/disabilityandsafety/wandering.html
I wonder if you really did have to pick him up after he broke the plates. As you say, this isn't sustainable for you physically as he grows. What would you do if you really couldn't lift him anymore? You might like to look into Pathological Demand Avoidance parenting strategies, because a lot of it's about how the parent can survive and endure really really really horrible and disrespectful behavior. Sometimes it's painful to read it, because the advice is things like, "take deep breaths while your child is screaming at you". Or "ask him politely to slap you less hard". But for people in that situation I think it helps.
Op here. He was barefoot and there was broken glass everywhere.
Anonymous
01/21/2024 17:02
Subject: How do you cope with having to physically stop or force your large child to do things?
Here is a list of recommendations that can make it a little safer/less stressful. In particular having a current photo, the ID bracelet (or conceal ID in a shoe), and teaching how to cross the street if you can.
https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/disabilityandsafety/wandering.html
I wonder if you really did have to pick him up after he broke the plates. As you say, this isn't sustainable for you physically as he grows. What would you do if you really couldn't lift him anymore? You might like to look into Pathological Demand Avoidance parenting strategies, because a lot of it's about how the parent can survive and endure really really really horrible and disrespectful behavior. Sometimes it's painful to read it, because the advice is things like, "take deep breaths while your child is screaming at you". Or "ask him politely to slap you less hard". But for people in that situation I think it helps.
https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/disabilityandsafety/wandering.html
I wonder if you really did have to pick him up after he broke the plates. As you say, this isn't sustainable for you physically as he grows. What would you do if you really couldn't lift him anymore? You might like to look into Pathological Demand Avoidance parenting strategies, because a lot of it's about how the parent can survive and endure really really really horrible and disrespectful behavior. Sometimes it's painful to read it, because the advice is things like, "take deep breaths while your child is screaming at you". Or "ask him politely to slap you less hard". But for people in that situation I think it helps.
Anonymous
01/21/2024 16:41
Subject: How do you cope with having to physically stop or force your large child to do things?
I would see if you can take a restraint training. Sometimes school professionals or medical professionals have a certification, so if you ask your school or your doctor they may be able to help.
https://www.nationwidechildrens.org/family-resources-education/health-wellness-and-safety-resources/helping-hands/comfort-hold-techniques
I hear you that you have a huge team helping you and don't want to talk about meds etc. but I'd suggest if it's this bad maybe some of your practitioners aren't on the right track and a second opinion could be worthwhile.
https://www.nationwidechildrens.org/family-resources-education/health-wellness-and-safety-resources/helping-hands/comfort-hold-techniques
I hear you that you have a huge team helping you and don't want to talk about meds etc. but I'd suggest if it's this bad maybe some of your practitioners aren't on the right track and a second opinion could be worthwhile.
Anonymous
01/21/2024 16:39
Subject: Re:How do you cope with having to physically stop or force your large child to do things?
You need physical response training,like Therapeutic Options training. Not ideal, but you could try looking for YouTube videos.
Also, you may be able to receive services other than ABA. If your ABA only offers ABA, contact agencies that offer BT behavior therapy. They will know other services available to you.
They may also be able to provide you Therapeutic Options "moves" since their employees should be trained in it.
Also, you may be able to receive services other than ABA. If your ABA only offers ABA, contact agencies that offer BT behavior therapy. They will know other services available to you.
They may also be able to provide you Therapeutic Options "moves" since their employees should be trained in it.
Anonymous
01/21/2024 16:29
Subject: How do you cope with having to physically stop or force your large child to do things?
Anonymous wrote:Autistic Logistics by Kate Wilde has a number of helpful suggestions.
One is setting things up for safety. My child is extremely impulsive, which means we cannot have sharp items that are not locked away.
Every kid is different, but it's possible to be safe in every situation, but you do need to be prepared
Op here. Thank you! I just ordered it!!
Anonymous
01/21/2024 16:29
Subject: How do you cope with having to physically stop or force your large child to do things?
Anonymous wrote:ABA is not just for autism. One hour a week is not enough.
Op here. Our insurance won’t pay for it because we don’t have an ASD diagnosis, so we pay out of pocket. We need much, much more than an hour a week but we can’t afford it.
Anonymous
01/21/2024 16:19
Subject: How do you cope with having to physically stop or force your large child to do things?
ABA is not just for autism. One hour a week is not enough.
Anonymous
01/21/2024 14:35
Subject: How do you cope with having to physically stop or force your large child to do things?
Autistic Logistics by Kate Wilde has a number of helpful suggestions.
One is setting things up for safety. My child is extremely impulsive, which means we cannot have sharp items that are not locked away.
Every kid is different, but it's possible to be safe in every situation, but you do need to be prepared
One is setting things up for safety. My child is extremely impulsive, which means we cannot have sharp items that are not locked away.
Every kid is different, but it's possible to be safe in every situation, but you do need to be prepared
Anonymous
01/21/2024 13:36
Subject: How do you cope with having to physically stop or force your large child to do things?
Anonymous wrote:OP - without getting into what is your diagnosis - you mention adderrall and clonidine as meds. IME, adderall was very necessary for my ADHD kid, but he also needed an anti-depressant. There is a big component of ADHD that is emotional dysregulation and for some kids they need chemistry in order to access therapy. Zoloft worked in addition to adderall and after about 5 years, when DS was older and could manage himself more, he felt he could stop taking it.
Other kids benefit from a non-stimulant in addition to Adderall - like Atomoxetine/Staterra in addition to stimulant med.
I'm not a doc, so I don't know what role the clonidine is playing - for some it is an anti-anxiety. But, I would go back to the pdoc on the med mixture. Medicine isn't a silver bullet, but some people have to do a lot of trial and error. You need a good pdoc who does that in a methodical way - titrating up and staying on long enough to confidently eliminate a drug and move on to something else.
There are so many med combos & then with kids you hit on one and they are good for a couple years but then they grow or get hormones and boom! what worked doesn't work anymore. Frustrating but not unusual.
Op here. Thanks but I’m really ONLY looking for information on my specific question. We have an excellent child psychiatrist in addition to multiple other doctors and we are working on meds. My child is only 5 so there’s limitations there.
I’m truly only asking for input on the specific issue of how to navigate when things get physical with my child due to safety issues. We have every conceivable type of doctor and therapist on our team-seriously. I’m not looking for input on meds or therapies. Just strategies/coping for the physical Piece of this.
Anonymous
01/21/2024 12:33
Subject: How do you cope with having to physically stop or force your large child to do things?
OP - without getting into what is your diagnosis - you mention adderrall and clonidine as meds. IME, adderall was very necessary for my ADHD kid, but he also needed an anti-depressant. There is a big component of ADHD that is emotional dysregulation and for some kids they need chemistry in order to access therapy. Zoloft worked in addition to adderall and after about 5 years, when DS was older and could manage himself more, he felt he could stop taking it.
Other kids benefit from a non-stimulant in addition to Adderall - like Atomoxetine/Staterra in addition to stimulant med.
I'm not a doc, so I don't know what role the clonidine is playing - for some it is an anti-anxiety. But, I would go back to the pdoc on the med mixture. Medicine isn't a silver bullet, but some people have to do a lot of trial and error. You need a good pdoc who does that in a methodical way - titrating up and staying on long enough to confidently eliminate a drug and move on to something else.
There are so many med combos & then with kids you hit on one and they are good for a couple years but then they grow or get hormones and boom! what worked doesn't work anymore. Frustrating but not unusual.
Other kids benefit from a non-stimulant in addition to Adderall - like Atomoxetine/Staterra in addition to stimulant med.
I'm not a doc, so I don't know what role the clonidine is playing - for some it is an anti-anxiety. But, I would go back to the pdoc on the med mixture. Medicine isn't a silver bullet, but some people have to do a lot of trial and error. You need a good pdoc who does that in a methodical way - titrating up and staying on long enough to confidently eliminate a drug and move on to something else.
There are so many med combos & then with kids you hit on one and they are good for a couple years but then they grow or get hormones and boom! what worked doesn't work anymore. Frustrating but not unusual.
Anonymous
01/21/2024 11:34
Subject: How do you cope with having to physically stop or force your large child to do things?
Your feelings are totally normal and valid.
Anonymous
01/21/2024 11:12
Subject: How do you cope with having to physically stop or force your large child to do things?
I hope it helps to know you’re not alone and encourage you to continue with therapy for each individual. Wishing you and your family good luck OP.