Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 14:43     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:Our nanny did exactly this and then once she was there had some convoluted reason she needed to extend by 2 more weeks. Then she came back and was a changed person, forgot to pick up one of the kids from preschool, etc. we ended up having to fire her.
Why not have her do this while you are away in the summer?


Maybe she was a “changed person” because she just went through the death of her mother?! Perhaps it was hitting her much harder than she thought and due to your coldness felt a “convoluted” reason would be better than trying to explain grief to you? Or was her saying she was still grieving the “convoluted” reason she gave you? Obviously it’s not acceptable to forget a child but it sounds like you have no empathy.

You also don’t know how to give advice…Did you even read the post? You want the OP’s nanny to “do this” aka her mother’s burial “in the summer” when the family is on vacation? Are you really that self absorbed that you think death and burials wait until they’re convenient for you ?! And if you missed this very important detail then your nanny didn’t do “exactly this.”

OP, I would pay her for the time she will be away, even though it goes over her PTO. As someone else said, it’s not like this will happen again, she had one mother…
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 14:17     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you. We have always paid her when she traveled, but it also never happened when we needed her. We don’t take months off from work. DH has 4 weeks total and I work from home. In the summer I take the kids to my home country (not same as nanny) and between my parents and summer camps I am able to work from there. That is why we don’t need the nanny for 2.5 months in the summer. We are not super wealthy either and have been thinking about reducing the hours we pay our nanny, but haven’t done so for fear she would leave us for FT employment.

I understand that there are cultural differences at play here; I would never ask 1 month off to bury my parents.

She has not asked for paid leave, but I think she assumes we will pay her since we have always done that when she (and we) traveled even for extended time.

I think I will tell her we can’t afford to pay for a replacement on top of her salary and she can take 1 week off paid and the rest without pay.

She has already taken more than 10 days off since the year started.


There’s your problem right there. You’re making assumptions. This situation is completely different. Stop assuming and wringing your hands. I don’t think she would expect to be paid. And yes, some people do need several weeks to deal with the death of a family member. I have an employee from Chile who needed several weeks to bury her father. There was paperwork at the banks and with the government that needed to be processed. It was a very different process than here. You have the luxury right now of not having to ask for time off to bury a parent.

I do not think she is expecting to be paid for the leave.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 14:07     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t know why you keep talking about the time you are away as if it is equivalent to her taking vacation. She doesn’t have any control over your vacation schedule.


We agreed she would take time off while we were also out.


You clearly feel like the time off for her during your vacations are a major benefit to her. Paywise yes, but it's not her choice to take off for that set time either. In 10 years, it doesn't sound like she has had a lot come up. Give her some grace.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 14:05     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:I don’t know why you keep talking about the time you are away as if it is equivalent to her taking vacation. She doesn’t have any control over your vacation schedule.


We agreed she would take time off while we were also out.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 14:03     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
I don’t know why you keep talking about the time you are away as if it is equivalent to her taking vacation. She doesn’t have any control over your vacation schedule.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 14:00     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you. We have always paid her when she traveled, but it also never happened when we needed her. We don’t take months off from work. DH has 4 weeks total and I work from home. In the summer I take the kids to my home country (not same as nanny) and between my parents and summer camps I am able to work from there. That is why we don’t need the nanny for 2.5 months in the summer. We are not super wealthy either and have been thinking about reducing the hours we pay our nanny, but haven’t done so for fear she would leave us for FT employment.

I understand that there are cultural differences at play here; I would never ask 1 month off to bury my parents.

She has not asked for paid leave, but I think she assumes we will pay her since we have always done that when she (and we) traveled even for extended time.

I think I will tell her we can’t afford to pay for a replacement on top of her salary and she can take 1 week off paid and the rest without pay.

She has already taken more than 10 days off since the year started.


I doubt she expects paid leave under the circumstances. That would be insane.

How old are your kids? Is there a reason you're not either using a child care center or before/after care? Unless they've got special needs, it seems like an option an obvious solution to these kinds if problems while also being cheaper. And kids that stick with nannies very long past about 2 or 3 often end up... weird.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 14:00     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s January 20. She has taken 10 days off this year already? There have been less than 15 working days since January 1. It may be time to move onto a new childcare situation.


Her mom was sick and I told her to go be with her. My parents were visiting and helping with the kids and yeah we have been scrambling and work has been suffering. Wanted her to be with her mom these past weeks.


Also, it was clear she was going to die and nanny was very sad.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 13:59     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:It’s January 20. She has taken 10 days off this year already? There have been less than 15 working days since January 1. It may be time to move onto a new childcare situation.


Her mom was sick and I told her to go be with her. My parents were visiting and helping with the kids and yeah we have been scrambling and work has been suffering. Wanted her to be with her mom these past weeks.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 13:57     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
It’s January 20. She has taken 10 days off this year already? There have been less than 15 working days since January 1. It may be time to move onto a new childcare situation.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 13:53     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
OP here. Thank you. We have always paid her when she traveled, but it also never happened when we needed her. We don’t take months off from work. DH has 4 weeks total and I work from home. In the summer I take the kids to my home country (not same as nanny) and between my parents and summer camps I am able to work from there. That is why we don’t need the nanny for 2.5 months in the summer. We are not super wealthy either and have been thinking about reducing the hours we pay our nanny, but haven’t done so for fear she would leave us for FT employment.

I understand that there are cultural differences at play here; I would never ask 1 month off to bury my parents.

She has not asked for paid leave, but I think she assumes we will pay her since we have always done that when she (and we) traveled even for extended time.

I think I will tell her we can’t afford to pay for a replacement on top of her salary and she can take 1 week off paid and the rest without pay.

She has already taken more than 10 days off since the year started.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 13:52     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
It sounds like she is a great nanny and you want to keep her.

I would give her a week of “bereavement leave”, let her take whatever “paid leave” she has that is not tied to your family vacations, and pay the rest at 50 percent.

In my mind, paying your nanny while you go on family vacation (that she isn’t going on) is more like “holiday pay”. Your “office” is closed for circumstances beyond her control, so she still gets paid, but those days aren’t transferable.

I like this balance because it takes into account that you will have to be hiring out 50 percent of her normal hours, but still gives her paid time off at other points throughout the year.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 13:36     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. She spent the last week with her family. I understand wanting to take her to her home country and perhaps have a funeral there, but I don’t understand why she needs to be there for a month. By contract she has the to 10 days off, but she routinely takes a lot more. We are not around so I don’t care. However, we ARE around now. DH will be traveling and in such short notice (2 weeks) I don’t think I will be able to find much of a replacement.

Either way, I said she can go… but I don’t want to pay her for those weeks she is out. Is it mean of me?


Pay her for what she has left from the 10 days, unpaid leave for the rest. Easy.




+1
This is a no brainer. Same as any of us would need to take LWOP if we ran out of time. And we'd only hope not to be replaced. You are being very kind.


This seems pretty obvious... am I missing something?
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 13:35     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
OP, Good people are hard to find. It sounds like you are somewhat well to do if you travel 2 months in the summer and travel 3 weeks in the winter. Most people cannot afford that.

Let her have off to bury her mother. Pay her 1-2 weeks. Tell her the rest will need to be unpaid. Personally I'd pay the 3-4 weeks but I don't like hiring and training new people.

Fly your parents in to help.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 13:35     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:If your children are school aged then ask your schools’ aftercare provider if they can accommodate for that time. It’s far cheaper than a nanny. Then, if financials are truly still a concern, perhaps tell her you can only pay for part of the leave or suggest an advance on vacation time. Honestly, if you can afford to be away for weeks and months at a time as a family of five then be prepared that financial excuses will sound cold hearted to your nanny.


This could be a good trial for figuring out if you really need a nanny versus an aftercare program.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 13:33     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. She spent the last week with her family. I understand wanting to take her to her home country and perhaps have a funeral there, but I don’t understand why she needs to be there for a month. By contract she has the to 10 days off, but she routinely takes a lot more. We are not around so I don’t care. However, we ARE around now. DH will be traveling and in such short notice (2 weeks) I don’t think I will be able to find much of a replacement.

Either way, I said she can go… but I don’t want to pay her for those weeks she is out. Is it mean of me?


Pay her for what she has left from the 10 days, unpaid leave for the rest. Easy.




+1
This is a no brainer. Same as any of us would need to take LWOP if we ran out of time. And we'd only hope not to be replaced. You are being very kind.