Anonymous wrote:This happened to me and my husband. Close friends abused our trust, lied to us, and did something dishonest. Then they turned the facts around and played the victim regarding the situation to some mutual friends, who believed them. It was very hurtful because we’d known them for years and our children had grown up together. We’ve moved on, but it’s made it very difficult for both myself and my husband to trust friends. The truth has over time come out and some of the mutual friends have tried to make amends, but I’ll never forget how we were treated. I’ll never forgive the former friends for what they did. They torpedoed a friend group, hurt kids, all for their own stupid attempt at personal gain that failed.

It’s tough to get over honestly. I should probably get some therapy to permanently move on.

Anonymous wrote:You make the decision to let it go. Realize that they are human and make mistakes. And sometime those mistakes hurt us. But, you survived the hurt. And they have obviously realized how they hurt you, and hopefully learned from it.

But at some point every human will hurt another human that you are emotionally close to. Sometimes the hurt is enough to sever ties. Other times, you need to acknowledge their humanity and make the decision to move on from it.

I have a best friend who is like a brother to me. We had been best friends for 17 years. About 10 of those years we talked 5-7 times a week. But at that time, we probably talked once a week. I was going though a really really bad depression. But I always sounded up beat (I always do when I'm depressed). And I told him I was depressed, but it's hard to understand just how bad it was based on my outward demeanor.

And I stopped calling him back. He'd call and leave a message. And I would not call him back. After a few times, he just stopped calling. It hurt so much that he just abandoned me that way. We were so close and he could just walk away.

After 2 years, once I was getting better, I reached out to him. And we talked about what happened. He thought me not calling him back was a sign I wanted to be left alone. And he was sad that I pushed him away. I was hurt that he wasn't there during my worst times.

I could've walked away after that. But I chose not to. He realized his mistake. And apologized. And I really missed him and our friendship. So not only did I forgive him, I let it go. His mistake was only one part out of a million other parts that make him up.

And I'm so glad I did. In the past 15 years since we reconnected, he's helped me through so many things. He was my emotional rock when I lost my parents in a way DH couldn't be. (BFF is gay, so no romantic feelings. DH is my rock in other ways, just not in emotional things like grief)

OP- if you really want to repair your heart from the hurt, you remind yourself that they are human, but it's worth it to you to move past it. You focus on all they ways they enrich your life.

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me and my husband. Close friends abused our trust, lied to us, and did something dishonest. Then they turned the facts around and played the victim regarding the situation to some mutual friends, who believed them. It was very hurtful because we’d known them for years and our children had grown up together. We’ve moved on, but it’s made it very difficult for both myself and my husband to trust friends. The truth has over time come out and some of the mutual friends have tried to make amends, but I’ll never forget how we were treated. I’ll never forgive the former friends for what they did. They torpedoed a friend group, hurt kids, all for their own stupid attempt at personal gain that failed.

It’s tough to get over honestly. I should probably get some therapy to permanently move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You make the decision to let it go. Realize that they are human and make mistakes. And sometime those mistakes hurt us. But, you survived the hurt. And they have obviously realized how they hurt you, and hopefully learned from it.

But at some point every human will hurt another human that you are emotionally close to. Sometimes the hurt is enough to sever ties. Other times, you need to acknowledge their humanity and make the decision to move on from it.

I have a best friend who is like a brother to me. We had been best friends for 17 years. About 10 of those years we talked 5-7 times a week. But at that time, we probably talked once a week. I was going though a really really bad depression. But I always sounded up beat (I always do when I'm depressed). And I told him I was depressed, but it's hard to understand just how bad it was based on my outward demeanor.

And I stopped calling him back. He'd call and leave a message. And I would not call him back. After a few times, he just stopped calling. It hurt so much that he just abandoned me that way. We were so close and he could just walk away.

After 2 years, once I was getting better, I reached out to him. And we talked about what happened. He thought me not calling him back was a sign I wanted to be left alone. And he was sad that I pushed him away. I was hurt that he wasn't there during my worst times.

I could've walked away after that. But I chose not to. He realized his mistake. And apologized. And I really missed him and our friendship. So not only did I forgive him, I let it go. His mistake was only one part out of a million other parts that make him up.

And I'm so glad I did. In the past 15 years since we reconnected, he's helped me through so many things. He was my emotional rock when I lost my parents in a way DH couldn't be. (BFF is gay, so no romantic feelings. DH is my rock in other ways, just not in emotional things like grief)

OP- if you really want to repair your heart from the hurt, you remind yourself that they are human, but it's worth it to you to move past it. You focus on all they ways they enrich your life.

I mean...did you? Noted that you were in a deep depression. But you stopped returning your friend's calls. Didn't you both have a role here?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you move on after being deeply hurt? Someone close to me (not romantically) did something extremely hurtful several months ago. I know they did not intend to hurt me, and they have apologized as well as proactively tried to make it up to me. But it still just hurts. Circumstances keep us interacting regularly. And occasionally things happen that resurface the hurtful thing.

I've tried therapy, and it's helpful...but it's also been months now. Is it possible to move past something like this?

The reason it still hurts is because you have internalized feelings of shame that you should have known better and then this makes you feel weak and like you did something wrong. You also default to believing that your failings are the center of other people’s attention. [/b]


It’s ok to reflect back and say oh yeah now I see how they acted in that situation and in hindsight I can see how I ignored it. And then consider going forward you will look out for that behavior

The friend did something crappy, it sucked and it hurt your feelings. That’s not shameful. It happens all the time. To everyone. No one is immune.

[b]Whatever happened people around you have long forgot and if they do remember and bring it up then your response yep that was a terrible thing they did to me, it really hurt. They apologized and we have moved on …

It’s also ok to just drop the person if you want. You can be polite but that’s all you need to do. Quickly exit conversations, talk only about generic stuff, and give generic answers.

Anonymous wrote:How do you move on after being deeply hurt? Someone close to me (not romantically) did something extremely hurtful several months ago. I know they did not intend to hurt me, and they have apologized as well as proactively tried to make it up to me. But it still just hurts. Circumstances keep us interacting regularly. And occasionally things happen that resurface the hurtful thing.

I've tried therapy, and it's helpful...but it's also been months now. Is it possible to move past something like this?

Anonymous wrote:You make the decision to let it go. Realize that they are human and make mistakes. And sometime those mistakes hurt us. But, you survived the hurt. And they have obviously realized how they hurt you, and hopefully learned from it.

But at some point every human will hurt another human that you are emotionally close to. Sometimes the hurt is enough to sever ties. Other times, you need to acknowledge their humanity and make the decision to move on from it.

I have a best friend who is like a brother to me. We had been best friends for 17 years. About 10 of those years we talked 5-7 times a week. But at that time, we probably talked once a week. I was going though a really really bad depression. But I always sounded up beat (I always do when I'm depressed). And I told him I was depressed, but it's hard to understand just how bad it was based on my outward demeanor.

And I stopped calling him back. He'd call and leave a message. And I would not call him back. After a few times, he just stopped calling. It hurt so much that he just abandoned me that way. We were so close and he could just walk away.

After 2 years, once I was getting better, I reached out to him. And we talked about what happened. He thought me not calling him back was a sign I wanted to be left alone. And he was sad that I pushed him away. I was hurt that he wasn't there during my worst times.

I could've walked away after that. But I chose not to. He realized his mistake. And apologized. And I really missed him and our friendship. So not only did I forgive him, I let it go. His mistake was only one part out of a million other parts that make him up.

And I'm so glad I did. In the past 15 years since we reconnected, he's helped me through so many things. He was my emotional rock when I lost my parents in a way DH couldn't be. (BFF is gay, so no romantic feelings. DH is my rock in other ways, just not in emotional things like grief)

OP- if you really want to repair your heart from the hurt, you remind yourself that they are human, but it's worth it to you to move past it. You focus on all they ways they enrich your life.

Anonymous wrote:How do you move on after being deeply hurt? Someone close to me (not romantically) did something extremely hurtful several months ago. I know they did not intend to hurt me, and they have apologized as well as proactively tried to make it up to me. But it still just hurts. Circumstances keep us interacting regularly. And occasionally things happen that resurface the hurtful thing.

I've tried therapy, and it's helpful...but it's also been months now. Is it possible to move past something like this?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By the OP’s description, the “friend” has a big mouth vs being mean spirited. Take it as a lesson learned. Don’t divulge sensitive information to her ever again. She can’t handle it.

Without information from the OP, it’s difficult to determine the friend’s intention. Good luck OP. I am in the camp that time heals most wounds.

If true, I get why it's so hard for OP to move on. This happened to me and the betrayal went really deep. I know my friend's actions were not intentional -- it's just who she is. But it's not just that she shared things about me she should not have. It's also that she solicited my confidences. So even though I can see it's just her personality, that she does these things compulsively and without real malice, it was also so much bigger than a slip of the tongue.

And once you realize this has happened, it's so hard to even know how to behave around that person. Because again, it's not just that they said something they shouldn't have. They drew this information out of me. So it's like I could not trust myself around them. I just could never feel comfortable interacting with them. I forgave them but the damage from their actions just destroyed something fundamental in our relationship. It was not reparable.

In the end, I had more anger towards them for killing our friendship than for betraying my confidence. It was very hard to move on from. I mostly have, but thinking about it as I wrote this still gave me this bad feeling in my gut.

Anonymous wrote:How do you move on after being deeply hurt? Someone close to me (not romantically) did something extremely hurtful several months ago. I know they did not intend to hurt me, and they have apologized as well as proactively tried to make it up to me. But it still just hurts. Circumstances keep us interacting regularly. And occasionally things happen that resurface the hurtful thing.

I've tried therapy, and it's helpful...but it's also been months now. Is it possible to move past something like this?

Anonymous wrote:By the OP’s description, the “friend” has a big mouth vs being mean spirited. Take it as a lesson learned. Don’t divulge sensitive information to her ever again. She can’t handle it.

Without information from the OP, it’s difficult to determine the friend’s intention. Good luck OP. I am in the camp that time heals most wounds.