JennaB
Post 01/29/2024 14:59     Subject: How do I even deal with this?
Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I don’t fight often-maybe 2/3 times a year (I’m not counting tiny disagreements that happen within daily life. But when we do he makes up for the infrequency with a terrible temper and then going completely silent until I break. He never apologizes. He never takes responsibility. I hate it so much. I have told him numerous times that his response to fighting is not how an adult person should be handling it but this is just who he is. He is a great father and a good husband during regular times. But I mean, fighting is a part of marriage and his response makes me so angry every time it happens. I am in therapy and now simply walk away when it happens but it doesn’t change his response. He will not do therapy and thinks it’s pointless.

Sometimes I think about spending the rest of my life like this and I want to throw up. He quite literally reacts like a 12 year old.

I have tried numerous strategies-giving him space, telling him not to talk to me in a certain tone. It seems to just add fuel to the fire. Nothing changes.

Anybody have experience with a spouse like this?

You are def not alone!!! My husband has the maturity level of a tween!!!! Tantrums silent treatments when he dont get his way. Its draining.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 09:28     Subject: How do I even deal with this?
Anonymous wrote:withhold sex for 60 days. that should do the trick.


Why do people say this? I was married for 10 years. 7 were sexless. I was in my 30s. Not every man needs sex all the time. This threat can also lead to cheating. Six months is not a huge dry spell.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 09:25     Subject: How do I even deal with this?
Your post is very similar to the one I just put up - how do I deal with DH meanness. This seems more common than maybe we realize. I’m right there with you OP. I’m so sorry it’s awful. Over time it has deeply affected my relationship, even when things are often good, because my trust is shattered. And there’s no way to address underlying issues without an explosive response.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 21:42     Subject: How do I even deal with this?
withhold sex for 60 days. that should do the trick.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 21:18     Subject: How do I even deal with this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I don’t fight often-maybe 2/3 times a year (I’m not counting tiny disagreements that happen within daily life. But when we do he makes up for the infrequency with a terrible temper and then going completely silent until I break. He never apologizes. He never takes responsibility. I hate it so much. I have told him numerous times that his response to fighting is not how an adult person should be handling it but this is just who he is. He is a great father and a good husband during regular times. But I mean, fighting is a part of marriage and his response makes me so angry every time it happens. I am in therapy and now simply walk away when it happens but it doesn’t change his response. He will not do therapy and thinks it’s pointless.

Sometimes I think about spending the rest of my life like this and I want to throw up. He quite literally reacts like a 12 year old.

I have tried numerous strategies-giving him space, telling him not to talk to me in a certain tone. It seems to just add fuel to the fire. Nothing changes.

Anybody have experience with a spouse like this?


So you are able to fully get over how he acts once it has passed? I feel like I'd have a hard time viewing him as a great husband the rest of the time if I were waiting for this shoe to drop every four months or so.


NP.
It would take me 2-3 days of feeling like I needed to call a lawyer, shrink or police on him after one of his rage attacks. Plus one year he threatened divorce 40+ times as a way to stop a talk or one of his arguments he started to avoid a topic.

It was very destabilizing. Not the threat of abandonment, just the loss of what to do in what order given our jobs, the kids, the family court, and how high conflict he always became when questioned.


What happened? I just went through a year like that with the divorce threats. Wondering if your DH calmed down, if you left him… our kids are early elementary.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 17:36     Subject: How do I even deal with this?
I agree that you can only change yourself. Make your reaction to it as calm and reasonable as possible. Own your own part in the argument. Be the best spouse you can be.

If you do that, he will probably be a better spouse too. If he doesn’t change, then you can stop second guessing yourself and wondering if it’s you, or saying that he’s a really great guy except…

Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 14:44     Subject: How do I even deal with this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I don’t fight often-maybe 2/3 times a year (I’m not counting tiny disagreements that happen within daily life. But when we do he makes up for the infrequency with a terrible temper and then going completely silent until I break. He never apologizes. He never takes responsibility. I hate it so much. I have told him numerous times that his response to fighting is not how an adult person should be handling it but this is just who he is. He is a great father and a good husband during regular times. But I mean, fighting is a part of marriage and his response makes me so angry every time it happens. I am in therapy and now simply walk away when it happens but it doesn’t change his response. He will not do therapy and thinks it’s pointless.

Sometimes I think about spending the rest of my life like this and I want to throw up. He quite literally reacts like a 12 year old.

I have tried numerous strategies-giving him space, telling him not to talk to me in a certain tone. It seems to just add fuel to the fire. Nothing changes.

Anybody have experience with a spouse like this?


Yes. Not the silent treatment as much, but definitely the anger. Nothing has worked. I wish I had left and asked for a separation (and divorce if necessary) long ago when I could have started over. 52 now and I guess this is it.


This isn't it. You can easily make a change and a decision to start again.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 14:03     Subject: How do I even deal with this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I don’t fight often-maybe 2/3 times a year (I’m not counting tiny disagreements that happen within daily life. But when we do he makes up for the infrequency with a terrible temper and then going completely silent until I break. He never apologizes. He never takes responsibility. I hate it so much. I have told him numerous times that his response to fighting is not how an adult person should be handling it but this is just who he is. He is a great father and a good husband during regular times. But I mean, fighting is a part of marriage and his response makes me so angry every time it happens. I am in therapy and now simply walk away when it happens but it doesn’t change his response. He will not do therapy and thinks it’s pointless.

Sometimes I think about spending the rest of my life like this and I want to throw up. He quite literally reacts like a 12 year old.

I have tried numerous strategies-giving him space, telling him not to talk to me in a certain tone. It seems to just add fuel to the fire. Nothing changes.

Anybody have experience with a spouse like this?


40 times? The second time he said it I would have agreed. He is abusive. And I would say you're off without him.

So you are able to fully get over how he acts once it has passed? I feel like I'd have a hard time viewing him as a great husband the rest of the time if I were waiting for this shoe to drop every four months or so.


NP.
It would take me 2-3 days of feeling like I needed to call a lawyer, shrink or police on him after one of his rage attacks. Plus one year he threatened divorce 40+ times as a way to stop a talk or one of his arguments he started to avoid a topic.

It was very destabilizing. Not the threat of abandonment, just the loss of what to do in what order given our jobs, the kids, the family court, and how high conflict he always became when questioned.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 13:54     Subject: How do I even deal with this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I don’t fight often-maybe 2/3 times a year (I’m not counting tiny disagreements that happen within daily life. But when we do he makes up for the infrequency with a terrible temper and then going completely silent until I break. He never apologizes. He never takes responsibility. I hate it so much. I have told him numerous times that his response to fighting is not how an adult person should be handling it but this is just who he is. He is a great father and a good husband during regular times. But I mean, fighting is a part of marriage and his response makes me so angry every time it happens. I am in therapy and now simply walk away when it happens but it doesn’t change his response. He will not do therapy and thinks it’s pointless.

Sometimes I think about spending the rest of my life like this and I want to throw up. He quite literally reacts like a 12 year old.

I have tried numerous strategies-giving him space, telling him not to talk to me in a certain tone. It seems to just add fuel to the fire. Nothing changes.

Anybody have experience with a spouse like this?


So you are able to fully get over how he acts once it has passed? I feel like I'd have a hard time viewing him as a great husband the rest of the time if I were waiting for this shoe to drop every four months or so.


NP.
It would take me 2-3 days of feeling like I needed to call a lawyer, shrink or police on him after one of his rage attacks. Plus one year he threatened divorce 40+ times as a way to stop a talk or one of his arguments he started to avoid a topic.

It was very destabilizing. Not the threat of abandonment, just the loss of what to do in what order given our jobs, the kids, the family court, and how high conflict he always became when questioned.


I don't know if you're just a better person than me, but I'm not sure I could get over it so easily if I was at the point of wondering if I needed to call the police because of how my husband was treating me!
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 12:55     Subject: How do I even deal with this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I don’t fight often-maybe 2/3 times a year (I’m not counting tiny disagreements that happen within daily life. But when we do he makes up for the infrequency with a terrible temper and then going completely silent until I break. He never apologizes. He never takes responsibility. I hate it so much. I have told him numerous times that his response to fighting is not how an adult person should be handling it but this is just who he is. He is a great father and a good husband during regular times. But I mean, fighting is a part of marriage and his response makes me so angry every time it happens. I am in therapy and now simply walk away when it happens but it doesn’t change his response. He will not do therapy and thinks it’s pointless.

Sometimes I think about spending the rest of my life like this and I want to throw up. He quite literally reacts like a 12 year old.

I have tried numerous strategies-giving him space, telling him not to talk to me in a certain tone. It seems to just add fuel to the fire. Nothing changes.

Anybody have experience with a spouse like this?


So you are able to fully get over how he acts once it has passed? I feel like I'd have a hard time viewing him as a great husband the rest of the time if I were waiting for this shoe to drop every four months or so.


DP in my cases his rages became more frequent and then the pattern and his problems could not be ignored. He even unmasked in front of my parents several times, and yells at my mother when she tried to help him with a broken pot once and how to cook something.

Everyone is scared of him. He has money, he’s a total a-hole, he has no emotions and sleeps like a baby after telling you off.

He’s currently in victim mode, going around saying: I can’t stand you.
When you ask why the tv isn’t working, and he confesses it’s been down for over a week. Says that and then storms off suddenly angry at 9pm.

Who TF knows what is going on in his head.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 12:51     Subject: How do I even deal with this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I don’t fight often-maybe 2/3 times a year (I’m not counting tiny disagreements that happen within daily life. But when we do he makes up for the infrequency with a terrible temper and then going completely silent until I break. He never apologizes. He never takes responsibility. I hate it so much. I have told him numerous times that his response to fighting is not how an adult person should be handling it but this is just who he is. He is a great father and a good husband during regular times. But I mean, fighting is a part of marriage and his response makes me so angry every time it happens. I am in therapy and now simply walk away when it happens but it doesn’t change his response. He will not do therapy and thinks it’s pointless.

Sometimes I think about spending the rest of my life like this and I want to throw up. He quite literally reacts like a 12 year old.

I have tried numerous strategies-giving him space, telling him not to talk to me in a certain tone. It seems to just add fuel to the fire. Nothing changes.

Anybody have experience with a spouse like this?


So you are able to fully get over how he acts once it has passed? I feel like I'd have a hard time viewing him as a great husband the rest of the time if I were waiting for this shoe to drop every four months or so.


NP.
It would take me 2-3 days of feeling like I needed to call a lawyer, shrink or police on him after one of his rage attacks. Plus one year he threatened divorce 40+ times as a way to stop a talk or one of his arguments he started to avoid a topic.

It was very destabilizing. Not the threat of abandonment, just the loss of what to do in what order given our jobs, the kids, the family court, and how high conflict he always became when questioned.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 12:49     Subject: How do I even deal with this?
Are you better with him or without?
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 11:15     Subject: How do I even deal with this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you better with or without him?


Well how would I know that?


Aren’t you literal and clever.
Did you mom think so too when you say lame responses like that? Instead of answering the question?


What the hell are you even talking about?
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 11:15     Subject: How do I even deal with this?
Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I don’t fight often-maybe 2/3 times a year (I’m not counting tiny disagreements that happen within daily life. But when we do he makes up for the infrequency with a terrible temper and then going completely silent until I break. He never apologizes. He never takes responsibility. I hate it so much. I have told him numerous times that his response to fighting is not how an adult person should be handling it but this is just who he is. He is a great father and a good husband during regular times. But I mean, fighting is a part of marriage and his response makes me so angry every time it happens. I am in therapy and now simply walk away when it happens but it doesn’t change his response. He will not do therapy and thinks it’s pointless.

Sometimes I think about spending the rest of my life like this and I want to throw up. He quite literally reacts like a 12 year old.

I have tried numerous strategies-giving him space, telling him not to talk to me in a certain tone. It seems to just add fuel to the fire. Nothing changes.

Anybody have experience with a spouse like this?


So you are able to fully get over how he acts once it has passed? I feel like I'd have a hard time viewing him as a great husband the rest of the time if I were waiting for this shoe to drop every four months or so.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 11:08     Subject: How do I even deal with this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you better with or without him?


Well how would I know that?


Aren’t you literal and clever.
Did you mom think so too when you say lame responses like that? Instead of answering the question?