In this area, I get it. We only have one and it's definitely partially driven by COL here. If jobs weren't tied to this area, we would have moved and I think would have had another kid. Not only would we have been able to move for lower COL, we also would been able to move closer to family, which can help with the affordability of kids. Where we are now, we have to pay for our support system and it's expensive.

I don't know why a dual income couple in a less expensive area would claim they couldn't afford kids. I guess it's either crippling student debt or just an attachment to a very expensive lifestyle (frequent travel, eating out all the time, nice clothes, fancy gyms, etc.) that eats up all their disposable income. But that's not about not being able to afford kids, it's about valuing kids less than that other stuff. Which is fine, but not the same thing as being too poor to have children so it's a weird way to frame it.

Anonymous wrote:Get out of your bubble.

The median HHI in the US is only like $70k. Try raising a family on that while trying to own a home, pay for childcare, save for college, and save for your own retirement. That's not even factoring costs for daily living.

The median family income is around 100k, which would be low for any major metro much less the DMV.

$150K in your 30s isn't as common as OP seems to think. Maybe it is common on DCUM, but that isn't the real world even in Arlington.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don't want to make any sacrifices or change their lifestyle.

This. I'm amazed at how many friends in my 20's and 30's spent everything they earned. Renting expensive apartments or even houses, spending a lot on bars and restaurants, frequent high-end vacations, etc. Then they're married and renting in their 30's and look around and say they can't afford kids or a house. Different strokes for different folks but most people in the DMV have to make choices. Perfectly fine if they choose to not have kids or a house because they don't want to give up the baller lifestyle. But I don't want to hear any complaining about not having these things.

Or they already live in a cheap apartment, eat cheap homemade food, use transit but still can't afford kids or a house because they don't make enough money for that. That's pretty common outside the DcUM bubble.

Anonymous wrote:It’s a bunch of bull. Low income people grow their families like there’s no tomorrow.

And when they do, they have to seek wrlfare because they can't pay rent or pretty much any basics.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this for real?
You were making 50K, which is closer to what an average american makes compared to what your husband makes. Now imagine that instead of having a husband making 150K, you had one that made 50k like you did. Staying home under that situation would leave you 50K minus taxes, which is not poverty level, but low for any practical purpose. If instead you decided to go to work, you'd be spending 20k+ on daycare, assuming both you and your husband had regular schedules and didn't work shifts.

OP here. I'd assume that as a woman who's interested in having children you wouldn't look for a man making 50K unless you're fresh out of school or you wanted to become a provider yourself and as I said. 150K is pretty normal here. Almost any couple of professionals should be able to hit that mark in their 30s.

But also I lack all self-awareness and any perspective of the outside world. Because from where I sit ….

The prospect of having kids may involve expensive fertility treatments, adoption, outlays for therapies if kid/s have special needs. Cannot assume everything will just work out fine.

Anonymous wrote:They don't want to make any sacrifices or change their lifestyle.

This. I'm amazed at how many friends in my 20's and 30's spent everything they earned. Renting expensive apartments or even houses, spending a lot on bars and restaurants, frequent high-end vacations, etc. Then they're married and renting in their 30's and look around and say they can't afford kids or a house. Different strokes for different folks but most people in the DMV have to make choices. Perfectly fine if they choose to not have kids or a house because they don't want to give up the baller lifestyle. But I don't want to hear any complaining about not having these things.

Having two kids in my late 20s on $125k income was challenging when (1) we had daycare expenses, (2) we wanted to save for a house, and (3) we wanted to save for college and retirement. We had 0 leftover at end of month and bought cheap food, never ate out, only went camping for vacation. Most of those were ‘wants’ but that’s the calculation your friends are making. And that was without any car payments or major student loans. It’s why we only had two though I would have wanted 3. If people want the house, or travel, or ability to send their kids to top schools, I see why they think they “cant afford it” on <$150k especially for multiple kids. Add in medical expenses, especially for a SN kid, plus wanting to allow kids activities and experiences as they grow up, and it can be daunting. In my late 20s/early 30s I felt similarly to you and just figured we’d make it work, but in retrospect with older kids, college and retirement getting closer, I understand why people who are more cautious may feel differently than I did.

Also, I’m 40, went to a top school and have risen to level of VP at work, and consider myself to lucky to now be making $150k in my low paying industry. Your “anyone can make $150k in their 30s” comment is silly - and if you are talking a dual income family, high quality childcare is crushing.

Op sounds like a troll.

Also, OP, are you ASKING people why they don't have kids? Because people are allowed any BS answer at that point

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this for real?
You were making 50K, which is closer to what an average american makes compared to what your husband makes. Now imagine that instead of having a husband making 150K, you had one that made 50k like you did. Staying home under that situation would leave you 50K minus taxes, which is not poverty level, but low for any practical purpose. If instead you decided to go to work, you'd be spending 20k+ on daycare, assuming both you and your husband had regular schedules and didn't work shifts.

OP here. I'd assume that as a woman who's interested in having children you wouldn't look for a man making 50K unless you're fresh out of school or you wanted to become a provider yourself and as I said. 150K is pretty normal here. Almost any couple of professionals should be able to hit that mark in their 30s.

Ooof- so 1) a woman should look for money when marrying, unlike a man, and 2) it's okay to be a woman and make 50K but if you are a man at least 3x that is required?

Kids are really expensive. This is an odd post. Maybe the childless people don’t want to go into the full list of reasons they don’t want kids, but the cost of kids is a valid one. Our lifestyle is drastically different than it would be bad we decided not to have kids and we do well financially. I can absolutely see how lower income families couldn’t swing it if they want to be financially responsible and save for retirement, own a home, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a bunch of bull. Low income people grow their families like there’s no tomorrow.

That's generally not a lifestyle to aspire to.

Most people who “can’t afford kids” won’t become poor.
Their life won’t be as comfy but at least it won’t be lonely and basically useless

Anonymous wrote:It’s a bunch of bull. Low income people grow their families like there’s no tomorrow.

That's generally not a lifestyle to aspire to.