Everyone seems to be taking the "cover your plate" comment quite literally. Its obviously a rule of thumb and meant to serve as guidance. If you want to cover your plate - that's the rate for a plate these days. If you don't want to cover your plate - that's fine too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$200 per guest, so $400 a couple. I am planning my wedding in DC now. Honestly $200 is probably on the “acceptable” side- $250 is more reasonable.

You are going to be disappointed with your haul.

Hah - all im saying is that catering prices are all in the $180-$240 range and this is pretty in-line with what my friends also tend to give. A lot of my friends are starting to get married which is probably why they're more attune with catering prices and the concept of "cover your plate". I am in the boat of - giving an extra $100 isn't going to be something I'm up at night about. I realize i am incredibly privileged and can afford to be generous.

The idea of covering your plate is gross, and I hope it goes away soon.

?
I have only ever seen it on DCUM. Had no idea it was a thing when I got married. I had no expectation that someone should "pay me back" for being invited to my wedding. Why even have guests if you feel that way?

It’s definitely the expectation in the NY/NJ area. I don’t think it is a common notion in DC.

It's extremely tacky.

I agree. The answer to this question is always “give what you can afford”.

+ 1, especially if you are incurring travel costs to attend.

Anonymous wrote:I don't give cash as wedding gifts, which, to me, is extremely tacky.

I give a nice bottle of wine or something from the registry. It's rarely $200 unless I know the couple very well.

I've been to destination weddings where I didn't give any gifts as the cost of going to the wedding was high enough.

I don’t think “nice bottle of wine” is a good wedding present at all, especially if you’re attending the ceremony and reception. A wedding deserves something better than a hostess gift to a fancy dinner party. Yikes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$200 per guest, so $400 a couple. I am planning my wedding in DC now. Honestly $200 is probably on the “acceptable” side- $250 is more reasonable.

You are going to be disappointed with your haul.

Hah - all im saying is that catering prices are all in the $180-$240 range and this is pretty in-line with what my friends also tend to give. A lot of my friends are starting to get married which is probably why they're more attune with catering prices and the concept of "cover your plate". I am in the boat of - giving an extra $100 isn't going to be something I'm up at night about. I realize i am incredibly privileged and can afford to be generous.

Oh dear. “Cover your plate” is a gentle suggestion for wedding guests, not a rule, not a norm, and certainly not an expectation for the hosts. Otherwise only people who felt they would be able to afford your wedding would attend….is that what you want? You’re certainly not going to scale down your wedding so that less wealthy friends and family would be able to cover their plate, nor should you feel any pressure to do so. It’s supposed to be about gathering everyone important to you in celebration. You decide how much you’re spending on the wedding, your guests decide how much to spend on your present. Neither controls the other.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't give cash as wedding gifts, which, to me, is extremely tacky.

I give a nice bottle of wine or something from the registry. It's rarely $200 unless I know the couple very well.

I've been to destination weddings where I didn't give any gifts as the cost of going to the wedding was high enough.

In Jewish culture, there's no registry for a wedding. You give a check.

Same for Chinese culture. You give cash in a red envelope or card.

Anonymous wrote:I don't give cash as wedding gifts, which, to me, is extremely tacky.

I give a nice bottle of wine or something from the registry. It's rarely $200 unless I know the couple very well.

I've been to destination weddings where I didn't give any gifts as the cost of going to the wedding was high enough.

In Jewish culture, there's no registry for a wedding. You give a check.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a nice $150K+ wedding in a high cost area in 2022 and here is what we generally received:

$200-300 from older guests or people attending single
$300/couple average from our friends
$400/couple from higher earning friends
$1000/couple from very close friends or family
$5k-20K from immediate family (step-parents/parents/grandparents)

We paid for our own wedding 100% -- had no prior knowledge of any family cash gifts

Will also add that "per plate" at our wedding across 3 days of events would have exceeded $1000 pp so almost nobody covered their plate (or were expected to).

That was your choice to have a three day event. No one would even consider those other days. Oh, and there is no way the lowest amount you got was $200 unless it was a very small wedding with only a select few invited.

You're right -- some people also didn't give any gift or just gave us a card (we requested no gifts and didn't have a registry). The above amounts were were people who gave us something despite our request, probably 75% of guests still gave a cash gift. And yes, it was our choice to have a 3-day event and we in no way expected any gifts or anyone to "cover their plate" regardless.

I gave $500 to a young couple (nephew) last weekend. We were three attending.

I don't give cash as wedding gifts, which, to me, is extremely tacky.

I give a nice bottle of wine or something from the registry. It's rarely $200 unless I know the couple very well.

I've been to destination weddings where I didn't give any gifts as the cost of going to the wedding was high enough.

Anonymous wrote:$200 per guest, so $400 a couple. I am planning my wedding in DC now. Honestly $200 is probably on the “acceptable” side- $250 is more reasonable.

Ew. Money grubbing much?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a nice $150K+ wedding in a high cost area in 2022 and here is what we generally received:

$200-300 from older guests or people attending single
$300/couple average from our friends
$400/couple from higher earning friends
$1000/couple from very close friends or family
$5k-20K from immediate family (step-parents/parents/grandparents)

We paid for our own wedding 100% -- had no prior knowledge of any family cash gifts

Will also add that "per plate" at our wedding across 3 days of events would have exceeded $1000 pp so almost nobody covered their plate (or were expected to).

That was your choice to have a three day event. No one would even consider those other days. Oh, and there is no way the lowest amount you got was $200 unless it was a very small wedding with only a select few invited.

Anonymous wrote:I had a nice $150K+ wedding in a high cost area in 2022 and here is what we generally received:

$200-300 from older guests or people attending single
$300/couple average from our friends
$400/couple from higher earning friends
$1000/couple from very close friends or family
$5k-20K from immediate family (step-parents/parents/grandparents)

We paid for our own wedding 100% -- had no prior knowledge of any family cash gifts

Will also add that "per plate" at our wedding across 3 days of events would have exceeded $1000 pp so almost nobody covered their plate (or were expected to).

I had a nice $150K+ wedding in a high cost area in 2022 and here is what we generally received:

$200-300 from older guests or people attending single
$300/couple average from our friends
$400/couple from higher earning friends
$1000/couple from very close friends or family
$5k-20K from immediate family (step-parents/parents/grandparents)

We paid for our own wedding 100% -- had no prior knowledge of any family cash gifts

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$200 per guest, so $400 a couple. I am planning my wedding in DC now. Honestly $200 is probably on the “acceptable” side- $250 is more reasonable.

You are going to be disappointed with your haul.

Hah - all im saying is that catering prices are all in the $180-$240 range and this is pretty in-line with what my friends also tend to give. A lot of my friends are starting to get married which is probably why they're more attune with catering prices and the concept of "cover your plate". I am in the boat of - giving an extra $100 isn't going to be something I'm up at night about. I realize i am incredibly privileged and can afford to be generous.

The idea of covering your plate is gross, and I hope it goes away soon.

?
I have only ever seen it on DCUM. Had no idea it was a thing when I got married. I had no expectation that someone should "pay me back" for being invited to my wedding. Why even have guests if you feel that way?

It’s definitely the expectation in the NY/NJ area. I don’t think it is a common notion in DC.

It's extremely tacky.

I agree. The answer to this question is always “give what you can afford”.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$200 per guest, so $400 a couple. I am planning my wedding in DC now. Honestly $200 is probably on the “acceptable” side- $250 is more reasonable.

You are going to be disappointed with your haul.

Hah - all im saying is that catering prices are all in the $180-$240 range and this is pretty in-line with what my friends also tend to give. A lot of my friends are starting to get married which is probably why they're more attune with catering prices and the concept of "cover your plate". I am in the boat of - giving an extra $100 isn't going to be something I'm up at night about. I realize i am incredibly privileged and can afford to be generous.

The idea of covering your plate is gross, and I hope it goes away soon.

?
I have only ever seen it on DCUM. Had no idea it was a thing when I got married. I had no expectation that someone should "pay me back" for being invited to my wedding. Why even have guests if you feel that way?

It’s definitely the expectation in the NY/NJ area. I don’t think it is a common notion in DC.

It's extremely tacky.