Anonymous
Post 01/15/2024 06:33     Subject: Do you think I’m an alcoholic?
Anonymous wrote:So for most of the days of 2023, I had exactly one drink every night: either a glass of wine or a hard cider. My husband told me as my new years resolution I should give up alcohol because he thought I was “becoming an alcoholic.” That startled me because it never occurred to me that one drink a day would be considered being an alcoholic, so I have not had any alcohol since January 1 to prove to him I don’t need it. I am going out with a girlfriend this week who I have not seen in months and I asked him if he thinks it would be OK for me to have a glass of wine or am I going back to my “alcoholism” kind of in jest honestly. He said he thinks I should continue dry January or he’ll continue to be concerned about my alcohol consumption.
I want to respect his concerns, and I also want to show him that I do not need alcohol in my life as I am not dependent on it. How would you respond to your husband in the situation? Thanks.


If those are your goals, then ask for a mocktail when out with your girlfriend.
I dont think you are an alcoholic, and I do think he is overreacting, but I also think dry January is an easy way to calm his nerves over what is in reality a pretty unhealthy habit that you can change - cut down to Thursday-Sunday or just the weekends after the month wraps up, and drop the hard cider for red wine only.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2024 06:30     Subject: Do you think I’m an alcoholic?
Does your spouse have alcoholics in his family or know any alcoholics? He may be sensitive to it. I know I am, having grown up with alcoholic grandparents, as fun and loving as they were — they were drunks.

People can be “dependent” without realizing it, and without being or ever becoming an alcoholic. Did you *need* that drink? How do you feel not drinking?

DH used to have a drink a day with dinner and I hated it. I’m so happy he quit. A drink when out with friends doesn’t bother me, but I’m thankful he respects me enough to understand how I nervous I feel about alcohol on a regular, daily basis.

Not to mention that the smell of alcohol on anyone’s breath is disgusting! It’s like garlic — if you’ve had some, it’s fine and you don’t notice. But if you haven’t? Gross.

Anonymous
Post 01/15/2024 05:42     Subject: Do you think I’m an alcoholic?
Anonymous wrote:So for most of the days of 2023, I had exactly one drink every night: either a glass of wine or a hard cider. My husband told me as my new years resolution I should give up alcohol because he thought I was “becoming an alcoholic.” That startled me because it never occurred to me that one drink a day would be considered being an alcoholic, so I have not had any alcohol since January 1 to prove to him I don’t need it. I am going out with a girlfriend this week who I have not seen in months and I asked him if he thinks it would be OK for me to have a glass of wine or am I going back to my “alcoholism” kind of in jest honestly. He said he thinks I should continue dry January or he’ll continue to be concerned about my alcohol consumption.
I want to respect his concerns, and I also want to show him that I do not need alcohol in my life as I am not dependent on it. How would you respond to your husband in the situation? Thanks.


Does he drink?

I don't because of medications, and have probably turned into your husband!

When you don't/can't drink, you start to look at people who need a glass of wine to unwind or to socialize the same way as people who grab for a Xanax or a valium to relax.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2024 23:46     Subject: Do you think I’m an alcoholic?
Your husband sounds controlling and is treating you like a child. He told you his concerns and you listened. You have acted on this and made changes. Him telling you now that you should not have a drink with your friend is insulting. Every time I feel bad about something in my marriage, all I have to do is come on this site to make me appreciate what I have.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2024 23:34     Subject: Do you think I’m an alcoholic?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you’re an alcoholic and I think your husband is really weird for guilting you about having a glass of wine with friends when you are otherwise no drinking for the month.

FWIW, I barely drink — haven’t had a drink yet this year and really only do when we have certain dinners or if I am with friends/family who are drinking I might have some.

He’s not guilting her since she asked.


Why did she feel she had to ask him for permission? That’s the thing waving the yellow flag to me.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2024 23:32     Subject: Do you think I’m an alcoholic?
Anonymous wrote:The first thing that each oncologist will ask you when you get cancer is: do you drink? And how much? Then followed with: do you smoke?


The oncologist actually will not ask this because they already know you have cancer and shaming you for it is not their job.

Your PCP ordering your screening testing will certainly ask these questions; just answer honestly.

OP, you don’t have a substance use disorder but your husband sounds controlling. Is he like this about other stuff as well?
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2024 23:30     Subject: Do you think I’m an alcoholic?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If your husband thinks you have a problem born, by definition you have a problem. You think too much about alcohol and depend on it to have a good time with your friend. You can’t stick to a promise about dry January.


Maybe, but the problem here is an overreacting husband, not that OP is an alcoholic. Maybe he doesn't have the right words to express his concerns, but by any measure OP is not an alcoholic. Her consumption is considered the upper limit of moderate by the CDC/health authorities.

OP, I think you two need to communicate - what is it about your one drink a day that bothers him? Is it the possibility of long-term effects on your health? Is it that X number of years ago you only had one drink a week on Saturday night and you've moved up to one a day? (That's a sign of a developing dependence, BTW). Is it that he doesn't drink and doesn't think drinking is acceptable? Is he a controlling jerk? (doesn't sound like it).

I don't know if you should or should not have a drink with your friend. That depends on your relationship with your husband and your actual relationship with alcohol.



This right here
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2024 22:50     Subject: Do you think I’m an alcoholic?
Anonymous wrote:I don't think you are an alcoholic, but I also don't think alcohol abuse or dependence should be the line at which someone starts to re-evaluate their relationship with alcohol. I do think a "routine" of one drink a night to "wind down and relax" sounds like a less healthy choice than other routines. Are there other things you could do? Walk? Shower? Herbal tea with honey?

And what if you shifted you "routine" with alcohol to be that you drink on social or special occasions? So, yes, drink with your friend, or at the staff happy hour, and on Christmas and your birthday. But not on random weekdays.


+1
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2024 22:17     Subject: Do you think I’m an alcoholic?
If you have to have one every day, then yes you are an alcoholic.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2024 22:08     Subject: Do you think I’m an alcoholic?
Anonymous wrote:If your husband thinks you have a problem born, by definition you have a problem. You think too much about alcohol and depend on it to have a good time with your friend. You can’t stick to a promise about dry January.


Maybe, but the problem here is an overreacting husband, not that OP is an alcoholic. Maybe he doesn't have the right words to express his concerns, but by any measure OP is not an alcoholic. Her consumption is considered the upper limit of moderate by the CDC/health authorities.

OP, I think you two need to communicate - what is it about your one drink a day that bothers him? Is it the possibility of long-term effects on your health? Is it that X number of years ago you only had one drink a week on Saturday night and you've moved up to one a day? (That's a sign of a developing dependence, BTW). Is it that he doesn't drink and doesn't think drinking is acceptable? Is he a controlling jerk? (doesn't sound like it).

I don't know if you should or should not have a drink with your friend. That depends on your relationship with your husband and your actual relationship with alcohol.

Anonymous
Post 01/14/2024 22:06     Subject: Do you think I’m an alcoholic?
Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you’re an alcoholic and I think your husband is really weird for guilting you about having a glass of wine with friends when you are otherwise no drinking for the month.

FWIW, I barely drink — haven’t had a drink yet this year and really only do when we have certain dinners or if I am with friends/family who are drinking I might have some.

He’s not guilting her since she asked.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2024 22:01     Subject: Do you think I’m an alcoholic?
One drink a day is a bad habit. It’s not alcoholism. Those are two very different things.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2024 21:59     Subject: Do you think I’m an alcoholic?
The first thing that each oncologist will ask you when you get cancer is: do you drink? And how much? Then followed with: do you smoke?
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2024 21:58     Subject: Do you think I’m an alcoholic?
High risk drinking is defined as over seven drinks per week for women. You are right on the edge of that. Your DH is correct, you would do well to stop.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2024 21:56     Subject: Do you think I’m an alcoholic?
You are not an alcoholic.

Stop ceding control to him.

Your relationship sounds unhealthy.

For the rest of 2024, , try therapy instead.