The hardest transition in terms of kids was 0-1 for me. 2-3 was probably easiest I think.

^^^ also I will add that 3 kids wasn't much worse than 2, and 4 kids not that much worse than 3. We probably spent like 90% of our time and energy on the oldest kid because he's just problematic in numerous ways. Has improved recently. So literally 1 kid is like equivalent to the 3 others. Our neighbors have a kid with a mental disability that takes up every waking minute of their day and needs a bunch of additional outside support. I'm sure someone somewhere has 6 kids and every one of them is responsible and easy to deal with. So the number of kids is not really that indicative of how hard daily life with kids is

We have four kids and both my wife and I work. We basically just outsource everything. The younger kids are in daycare/preschool. We hire out lawncare, house cleaning, and Mighty Meals/eating out (we cook maybe once per month). Life is somewhat chaotic, but it's not too bad. That said, that's something like $40k per year on food, $8k on cleaning, $3k on lawncare, $45k on daycare for 2 kids. Thankfully daycare is only for a few years

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read all the responses but I have 3 kids (3, 7 and 9 years old) and both dh and I work full time. I am WFH and dh is hybrid but works 60-80 hours a week. HHI is around $600-700k a year.

The only way we make it work is because my job is flexible and I have been there for a long time. I come and go as I please as long as my work gets done (I make $145,000 and carry our health insurance and have a great pension).

All 3 kids are in sports (but not travel), religious classes and two of them do Girl Scouts. It’s super busy and I feel like I am always doing some sort of admin work for them.

We usually spend the month of July away, 2 weeks over Christmas break and spring break. We don’t do crazy intensive trips yet but only because youngest is hard to travel with (or has been). We have done Disney, the mountains, beach trips. We want to do an international trip soon.

Pp here - we don’t have any help other than random grandparent who can watch kids when we go on parent vacation once a year. Other than that it’s just me, especially when DH is working super long hours. No au pair or nanny. Youngest is in daycare and older two are in elementary school. We don’t do before or aftercare since my job is flexible.

PK twins plus an older elementary school child here. It’s always loud in our house, our kids don’t do activities outside of school, and we don’t really vacation except with family (usually a beach house for a week). Grandparents live close by and provide a lot of childcare, thankfully.

We make less $$$ than most people on here (and didn’t anticipate having three kids!) so sometimes we feel a bit stretched thin. But overall our kids are happy and healthy and our marriage is good.

I haven’t read all the responses but I have 3 kids (3, 7 and 9 years old) and both dh and I work full time. I am WFH and dh is hybrid but works 60-80 hours a week. HHI is around $600-700k a year.

The only way we make it work is because my job is flexible and I have been there for a long time. I come and go as I please as long as my work gets done (I make $145,000 and carry our health insurance and have a great pension).

All 3 kids are in sports (but not travel), religious classes and two of them do Girl Scouts. It’s super busy and I feel like I am always doing some sort of admin work for them.

We usually spend the month of July away, 2 weeks over Christmas break and spring break. We don’t do crazy intensive trips yet but only because youngest is hard to travel with (or has been). We have done Disney, the mountains, beach trips. We want to do an international trip soon.

mom of 3 kids her. Pre-teen and 2 teenagers. our life is fine. We never spend time on putting each kid to bed or showering beyond their age of 4. We moved to the place where kids can walk/take a bus to school. They walk around their neighborhood and hang out with friends. Sports and after school activities are prioritized to once that are provided by school and some extra favorite activity for each kid if they want. I have 1 kid in travel sports and 1 doing non-travel club. 1 Special needs with therapies. Parent who drives to sports, gets 2-3 hours "me time" while waiting for kids. For me it-s going to the gym 3 times/week.
Noise: we have a house rule - parent's bedroom is a quiet place. You have freedom to do almost anything in your room, otherwise behave. So if you need to be loud, do it in your room with doors closed.
Playdates: you can spend time with your friends as much as you want only if this is not disruptive to others, your room is reasonably clean. If you can't walk/bike to your friend, it's not your friend. Find friends that live closer.
Evenings: typically kids starting to come home after 3. Lunch is offered for each kid when they come. Dinner around 6-7 for those who home. We eat together and chat or watch a family movie together. Typically each kid comes for our bedroom for some 1:1 time and that's initiated by kids. If they need me, they know where to find us
Everyone starts going to bed around 9-10. But after 9 PM no kids allowed to disrupt us, unless it's emergency. We sleep with doors open most of the time, so we can monitor indirectly.
I feel like we are way less stressed and more relaxed than our friends with 1-2 kids. No outsource or help with anything. Traveling 1-2 times/year and typically rent small villas or cabins to accomodate 5 people and Great Dane

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh good grief.

Step one: I don’t treat my family and life like a checklist as seen in the OP.

Step two: We do our best. And it’s ok!

I’m not going to say that I’m not stretched thin at times and that life doesn’t have its moments with 3, but I’m still a happy person.

We both have very modest careers. I think that makes it possible although less well funded.

What does this mean?

It means they dumb

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids in elementary and daycare (pre-k aged though). My DH and I both work out of the house five days a week. Neither of our jobs have much flexibility (WFH is not allowed). We also have a HHI of $175k, so we aren’t super wealthy.

I hate chaos so I don’t allow our family to exist in a manner of disarray.

I also have no guilt in turning down birthday party invitations. A close friend, yes, we attend. A random whole class party. No. Not worth it.

The kids do one activity a season. Right now we are doing basketball. Or I find a class that has a 4-7 age range and enroll two of the kids.

We don’t get home until 6:20 so our nights may feel rushed to some, but we eat dinner the kids play and then off to bed by 7:30/8.

We prioritize our family over the kids’ social calendar.

Can you share how much traveling you get to do? And when do you have kid-free time with your spouse?

Also, how do you do bedtime with 3 kids but only 2 of you? Does one wait nicely for you to put the other down?

And most curious, when the kids are playing, is it really loud? Do they fight? We found going from 1 to 2, noise increased exponentially. Either they are happily playing something loud or fighting.

Travel: Some, but not a ton. We’ve done Disney, generally a few days at the beach in the summer and maybe a long weekend here or there. Like I said, I hate chaos, so schedules are important to minimize it. When they’re older hopefully we can do more. Right not, it’s not worth it to me. Also, the cost. Just not something we have a ton of money for.

Spouse time: we go out alone every now and then. Haven’t traveled alone in several years since finding someone to watch 3 is hard. It’s ok though.

Bedtime: put the youngest down first. The older two I read to together then hugs and they go to bed alone. I’ve never laid with them. They also share a room. So yes, the big two play alone and wait their turn.

Noise: like chaos, I hate unnecessary indoor screaming. So we have strict rules on that. It can get loud. Our house is less than 1300 square ft so we try hard to control noise. But I have boys so noise comes with the territory.

I’m 8:12, one thing I wanted to add is that it got easier to feel no guilt when going out with friends and my husband once the kids were in ES.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Travel is going to have more to do with your particular jobs and leave schedule than anything else.

Why? Most jobs have 2-4 weeks of vacation regardless of whether you're a parent or how many kids you have.

I wouldn’t say most jobs have four weeks of vacation, no, and the issue is lining up the leave so both of you can get off work at the same time.

It says "2-4". Most jobs have somewhere in the 2-4 week range. And that's unfortunate that you struggle to line up leave. Everyone I know can just take off whenever as long as they give enough notice.

The dcum bubble at its finest.

I generally feel like I’m pretty busy - no rest for the weary. I feel like I have other similar friends tho. My kids are now 14, 11, and 9.

To get one on one time with each kid, I always read to each kid alone for 10 mins a night before bed until around age 12 / end of ES for us.

In the kids’ stockings they always get a coupon for a solo date with mom doing an activity of your choice - and we have enjoyed doing those.

I always read good advice one - that when you’re alone with each kid - name it and say this X and Mommy’s special alone time - even if you’re just going somewhere like to a dr appt. And I do that and say stuff like - it’s your choice - what do you want to listen to on the radio, what do you want to talk about, etc.

I work and then the evenings are often tag team with my husband taking kids to activities. I also do a lot of car pools to activities. Weekends are busy with kids’ activities and seeing friends etc.

I volunteer with the kids’ activities, read, run and walk, and travel with the family, spend time with family, go out with friends and my spouse both together and separate for all of those - those are my hobbies.

I have a cleaning lady come every other week and I love her. If you come to visit me, my house looks lived in - it’s not immaculate. My spouse does dishes and I do laundry. We split the cooking 50/50.

These are some posts about me. I don't always have my act together. I want to be better and I want to read David Allen Getting Stuff Done this year. I just read how to keep house while drowning.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1159067.page

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/135/1128137.page

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1176359.page

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Travel is going to have more to do with your particular jobs and leave schedule than anything else.

Why? Most jobs have 2-4 weeks of vacation regardless of whether you're a parent or how many kids you have.

I wouldn’t say most jobs have four weeks of vacation, no, and the issue is lining up the leave so both of you can get off work at the same time.

It says "2-4". Most jobs have somewhere in the 2-4 week range. And that's unfortunate that you struggle to line up leave. Everyone I know can just take off whenever as long as they give enough notice.

That’s the exact point I made - it’s going to depend on your particular jobs. It’s not about whether you have three kids or not. You could face the same issue with no kids.

It gets harder not easier when the kids move beyond the little kid years with 3 kids. Even if they do a few modest activities, the evenings are a lot of driving and juggling when they are older. I found three kids under 6 easier than three kids from 6-11 or 8-13, etc. I don’t have a teen driver yet, so maybe that makes things easier again.

We do travel, but it gets expensive since many things are organized for a family of 4. We still shoehorn all 5 of us into one hotel room but it you had enough money you could just get two hotel rooms. You can’t take a cruise unless you upgrade to a suite because they have a limit of 4 per room, etc. You can still travel a lot but you have to manage the 5th person problem.

We also had an au pair when the kids were little so that some of the kids could stay home instead of being dragged to the older kids’ events and activities, which helped a lot. Without one, the youngest kid would have lived in the car outside his brothers’ activities.

Weekends are pretty much kid-focused. When we had the au pair we tried to do a weeknight date night every week after work and after kid activities. Neither of us have any real hobbies that take up a lot of time away from the kids.

I have laid out the challenges, but we love having three kids and the challenges are worth managing for us. It won’t be that many years until they are gone and we can spend more time on ourselves.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Travel is going to have more to do with your particular jobs and leave schedule than anything else.

Why? Most jobs have 2-4 weeks of vacation regardless of whether you're a parent or how many kids you have.

I wouldn’t say most jobs have four weeks of vacation, no, and the issue is lining up the leave so both of you can get off work at the same time.

It says "2-4". Most jobs have somewhere in the 2-4 week range. And that's unfortunate that you struggle to line up leave. Everyone I know can just take off whenever as long as they give enough notice.