Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tbh I don’t think it’s the kids. It’s however their parents have taught them to view you over the years.

Yes, that sadly might be true. My brother married young and built a family. I have not found anyone. I think they disapprove and assume I live a wild lifestyle when it's really not that way at all. I work, I hang out with my dog, I have a few friends.
Unfortunately, several of my single friends have noted that they feel isolated by the rest of their family because they're unmarried. The sad thing is that most of us did want to marry and have kids, but it just didn't happen, and it adds insult to injury to cut us out socially.
Luckily this hasn't effected my relationship with my parents. We're really close.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve spent lots of time and money visiting and taking my nieces and nephews out to build a relationship.

You can’t have a relationship over a phone.

I go to their city and take them out to dinner or shopping. I take their friends out. I pay for bowling parties at Xmas when I visit. You can’t believe how much college kids like bowling. lol.

The ones I rarely see I am less close to.

Anonymous wrote:Tbh I don’t think it’s the kids. It’s however their parents have taught them to view you over the years.

Anonymous wrote:Tbh I don’t think it’s the kids. It’s however their parents have taught them to view you over the years.

Anonymous wrote:I think you sound like a great aunt, and reaching out via text (and even Facetime) is fine. I get teens and college kids may not communicate in the same way we do, but a simple response to a text shouldn't be a burden for your nieces and nephews. It's really just a matter of being polite, even if they don't feel particularly close. Since it sounds like three of the four are more responsive, I'm wondering if your niece could be depressed or going through a difficult time. You mentioned she isn't really talking with your parents either. Is that new or unusual behavior?

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to accept that you have a normal extended relationship with them and nothing more.

Sending a card, email or text with a Happy Birthday message is fine but don’t call or FaceTime with them. Don’t expect a response to a Happy Birthday message. It’s a one way quick message not a wedding gift requiring a thank you note.

It’s unfortunate that women without kids are encouraged to instead take extra interest in nieces and nephews. This seldom works out. Better encouragement would be to build a close circle of friends, rock your career, enjoy your partner or spouse and get into sports or hobbies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think she is rude. It isn’t about you.

Have you thought about forming more friendships or fostering kids in your own life so you aren’t so invested in your brothers’ children’s lives? I think in general what you are doing is ok. It’s just the hurt you feel and that you are over analyzing the behaviors of college age kids that make me think you are too invested.

I have relationships with other kids, ie ones I volunteer with, friends' kids, younger cousins. They all tend to respond to a quick "happy birthday" text, even with an emoji.

Anonymous wrote:I got very invested in my sister's kids when they were grade school and high school ages. I was thoughtful and generous and when they were little they were very enthusiastic about auntie's visits - but as they got older it became clear that while they were perfectly happy to take material gifts/support from me, or be taken places by me, they had no interest in maintaining anything like a close relationship - and no, there were no thoughtful cards or gifts in return. I didn't really want or need material gifts from them anyway, but it was the total lack of thinking of me that finally made me realize the relationships were always going to be one-way streets and in recent years I have just dropped the rope altogether.

I can't say I see this behavior as normal, except as normal in people who are very self-centered. From the time I was a little kid I was thoughtful and loving to my aunties and grandmas, my parents and siblings - I would frequently spend my babysitting and paper route money on little gifts for them rather than on myself. During college I was incredibly busy and didn't maintain the relationships as much as I should have - but if I'd lived in a time of cell phones and free communication, I absolutely would have, for me the obstacle was the high cost of long distance calls. I should have sent cards or letters much more often and I regret that I didn't.

I think some people are more generous of spirit and others are not. Sounds like your nieces and nephews fall into the latter category, as did mine.

I'm lucky that I now share a house with my childhood best friend and her daughter who is 14 is really quite thoughtful and generous of spirit with me, although in recent years it has diminished but the same is true of her attention to her parents and I have no doubt she will cycle back out of that as she gets a little older. She doesn't visit me on my floor as much as she used to - she's too busy playing games online with friends and spends much more time in her room than she did when she was younger. But for Xmas this year she got me a beautiful little book about mushrooms because she noticed me posting mycology photos on Facebook a lot this past year as I've developed an interest in that field. I was so incredibly touched that she paid attention and thought of me like that, and honestly she has always done so - usually it's little gifts with a focus on dogs because I'm a huge dog person. I'm grateful to have such a sweet kid in my life and I focus on that now and not on the nieces and nephews who never reach out at all. I'm sure if I win the lottery they will be calling me every day so at that point I'll change my number.