Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in your exact situation. I married him. It hasn’t changed. He is an amazing husband.

That’s the thing! I love him so much and he is an amazing caring supportive helpful kind hardworking disciplined adorable human whose love language is acts of service. Part of the issue is that we’re the same size and I’m used to bigger/taller. But those men were nowhere near as wonderful as he is.

There it is.

Do you think that has something to do with it? Like a bigger guy feels more dominant?

OP: how old are you two?

Anonymous wrote:Ease him into it. My BF is like this too but he’s much taller than I am and jacked, so it’s a different dynamic.

But he’s the best human and I’ve seen him get more primal. Just takes time and comfort. But the primal mixed with the love-making in the same encounter is hot and intense.

I wouldn’t do the porn thing with him, though. He’s not the type. Definitely have a couple drinks and gradually get more vocal in bed and see if he adapts as he gets more comfortable. And objectify him a bit.

Men are also taught to be super respectful and careful these days, so both your comfort is key.

Is he really well endowed too? This was my dh. He’d heard so much feedback about guys with size are bad and jackhammering, etc that he was too careful. It took him a while to be dominant in the bedroom with me (which is what I like). But now that he is and we know what each other likes, WOW!

Watch Sex Love and Goop on Netflix

Anonymous wrote:The things that make a good long term partner are usually the opposite of the things that make a good short term lover.

As Dylan said, "you must pick one or the other though neither of them are to be what they claim."

Disagree

We come across as the average couple. And have “typical sex” a couple of times a week. But once or twice a month we get a hotel room or arrange a day at home where there are very few limits and I become truly submissive. Friends would be more than shocked.

The things that make a good long term partner are usually the opposite of the things that make a good short term lover.

As Dylan said, "you must pick one or the other though neither of them are to be what they claim."

A little tiff and button pushing in the hours before being together gets me what I want.

I'm vanilla, baby (I don't like no whips and chains, and you can't tie me down)
I'll choke you, but I ain't no killer, baby

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should try to find some positive way to talk about this— love my spouse but not sure we talk enough about what we like.

We have started talking about it. He actually already introduced a toy, and a sex pillow, both of which are firsts for me and welcome additions. I am talking more about positions, tempo, force, location, sequence of the above, and overall erotic sizzle even when we’re not in bed. We have amazing chemistry and I’m so attracted to him, so my appetite is huge.

Bolded seems like an important detail. My GF and I do a lot of creative texting (dirty puns/innuedos, situations/role playing, things she wants to do to me, things I want to do to her, etc.) when we're not together. The longer we're away from each other the more ramped up it gets. It's fun, erotic, and by the time she gets to me, she's usually already very revved up and tearing my clothes off. She didn't seem too into it at first but has definitely come around. Now, she tends to be the one initiating the "creative" texts. The work we put in outside of the bedroom, does seem to pay some dividends in the bedroom. Have you tried this with your BF? You may need to lead at first.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can get him there. Watch porn together and have some wine. Trust me in this one. He just has to get more comfortable and uninhibited.

OP. I find porn totally unsexy and repulsive. That’s not really what I’m looking to emulate.

There isn’t one type of porn. I can guarantee you that there is something that you would find appealing out there. Also there is instructional “porn” that could be very helpful.

Anonymous wrote:Are you talking adventurous like toys and different positions or adventurous like specific kinks you want him to try? I can kind of see the latter being an issue if he’s just not into that kink. Although I personally am into anything that turns my partner on. Whatever that might be.

This is really important. If the former she should just do him a favor and take the lead. She doesn’t need to announce it or ask him to do anything in particular. That’s what I did with DH and it worked to a certain extent- once he was excited enough, he followed my lead and if he liked it, it became part of our repertoire. And he was very vanilla early on in our marriage- missionary and that was IT.

Anonymous wrote:You should try to find some positive way to talk about this— love my spouse but not sure we talk enough about what we like.

We have started talking about it. He actually already introduced a toy, and a sex pillow, both of which are firsts for me and welcome additions. I am talking more about positions, tempo, force, location, sequence of the above, and overall erotic sizzle even when we’re not in bed. We have amazing chemistry and I’m so attracted to him, so my appetite is huge.

You should try to find some positive way to talk about this— love my spouse but not sure we talk enough about what we like.

I made this compromise and I’m quite happy with it, although having the kind of sex I prefer was never that important to me in the grand scheme of things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in your exact situation. I married him. It hasn’t changed. He is an amazing husband.

That’s the thing! I love him so much and he is an amazing caring supportive helpful kind hardworking disciplined adorable human whose love language is acts of service. Part of the issue is that we’re the same size and I’m used to bigger/taller. But those men were nowhere near as wonderful as he is.

There it is.