Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree OP. As an immigrant, it’s shocking to me how many Americans seem to hate their families.

There are cultural norms about supporting families, helping parents with young kids, "it takes a village"-style community structures, and other forms of social support in other cultures that the US doesn't have and it shows.

It's not a child's job to unfsck that. You're not required to love people who abused you just because someone else's better-structured culture says family is important.

Healthy family relationships are a two-way street, at least. And honestly? That's not enough for families with kids. It takes a community effort to raise a child, and the US went the way of stand-alone "every man for himself" culture.

NP but my DH is from another country and his parents critique American culture in a similar fashion. They would say their culture is much more community oriented but they help and are present way less for our children than my American parents.

OP you wuld probably think my family is this amazing family from the outside. The truth is much much darker.

OP, are you a recent immigrant, from a South or East Asian culture?
Asking because you sound just like my parents who told us everyday how we should appreciate their sacrifices in raising us, buying our clothes and feeding us, ensuring we had a good education, changing our diapers.

But they did not love us as we were.
They neglected us emotionally.
Both were verbally abusive, criticizing constantly. Respect was not in their vocabulary.

I was mom’s helper from a young age. I have a vivid memory of being alone at home around age 7 or 8 scrubbing the floors on my hands and knees. I was cold in the house so I turned up the thermostat. Had no idea how high but it warmed up. My mom yelled at me when she returned home with my sibs, why was I wasting electricity?

My father molested me when I was 12 during a time when my mom had returned to home country for a 3 month vacation. She didn’t make arrangements for who to turn to if we needed a mom. I remember getting my period and not having access to any pads.

I was asked to work in my father’s business from age 13. He was horribly horribly verbally abusive. I fantasized about running away from home constantly. When I was 16, I attempted suicide.

None of my sibs are close. We weren’t loved but made to feel guilty for being a burden on our parents. My family is made up of friends who care about me in a way my parents and siblings do not. I have a DS, I was determined to break the cycle of abuse and have managed to raise a loving and respectful young man who’s now 19. I have several degrees, have been fairly successful professionally but being able to overcome what I experienced to be a much better parent than my parents were is my greatest accomplishment.

Op, does this give you any insight?

Some kids just grow up to be a**holes. Ask me how I know.

Anonymous wrote:Your mother and father raise you with so much love and care, putting their own lives hopes and dreams on hold to stay up with you all night, wiping your poop, paying for your clothes, watching loving you just as you are. Your siblings are people you were automatic best friends, and companions in this wild ride through life. You grew up together!

And then people grow up and want to move away from their parents and aren't close to their siblings...How?

How can any one else in the world replace this kind of love??

Not everyone had parents who loved them that's why. My dad was an alcoholic and a narcissist and my mom is a narcissist. They truly never loved me. My siblings are also mentally ill. Not everyone has a loving family and for one's health you need to run away.

Anonymous wrote:Your mother and father raise you with so much love and care, putting their own lives hopes and dreams on hold to stay up with you all night, wiping your poop, paying for your clothes, watching loving you just as you are. Your siblings are people you were automatic best friends, and companions in this wild ride through life. You grew up together!

And then people grow up and want to move away from their parents and aren't close to their siblings...How?

How can any one else in the world replace this kind of love??

Except for the parents who don't do many of those things, treat you like dirt and barely tolerate you. My sibling is a nasty person... just like my parents.... my husband and kids love me far more than they ever did.

Anonymous wrote:Your mother and father raise you with so much love and care, putting their own lives hopes and dreams on hold...

That's a nice fantasy. How do you feel about lying, cheating, abusive a holes? Remember that any psycho can reproduce, OP.

OP has a very rose colored way of looking at things.

Some people have crappy parents and siblings. No one asked to be born. Parents have an obligation to take care of their children and some fall short.

It’s pretty simple.

Pretty sure this is the flip side to the post about "Gosh what is this thing called a family and what's it good for?" It's not serious.

Anonymous wrote:
It's Smug Grandma again.

Hahahahahahaha -- made my night

Anonymous wrote:I have an amazing family and love them. But because I have life experience, friends, empathy, curiosity and like to read and watch plays and movies, I have this thing where I understand that People Are Different and Have Different Experiences and That’s OK.

To everyone reading this who was hurt by OP’s deliberate obtuseness, I’m sorry. I wish peace and comfort for you.

I appreciate this, though to be honest, OP was so obtuse it didn't really hurt. It was like "wow are there really people this sheltered or oblivious?" And of course yes, there are. It's still amazing to see up close.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It's Smug Grandma again.

It’s totally the one who hosts Thanksgiving and Christmas at her second home with all 1864524 of her kids and their spouses and grandkids.

Yep. She gets a high when she spews all that made-up nonsense and riles people up.

🤣😂

Another troll. 👿

I have an amazing family and love them. But because I have life experience, friends, empathy, curiosity and like to read and watch plays and movies, I have this thing where I understand that People Are Different and Have Different Experiences and That’s OK.

To everyone reading this who was hurt by OP’s deliberate obtuseness, I’m sorry. I wish peace and comfort for you.

As a parent, your purpose is to raise functional adults who will go off and live their own lives. If you love your children , you will want them to be happy. If you are selfish and love yourself more, you’ll want them to forego their own happiness to make choices that cater to you.