I would just take the sweater. No dressing slutty at school. Yes it’s a hill I’m willing to die on. I know staff at the school so I know they aren’t changing.

So you know she is just going to change in to what she wants at school right?

I commend you for planting your feet on this, OP. I always dread the warmer months because this seems to be a daily argument in my house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same rules, but my daughter HATES to wear a bra. She needs one--she's busty, as I am. In the wintertime, under sweatshirts/hoodies, I let it go. But come spring, I will lay out what she should wear. Might offer to buy her some new bras. Some days, I have to let it go, but most days--I put my foot down.

You lay out your teen daughter's clothes?!?!

I did all through high school because my daughter got so many compliments on her outfits she wanted me to. My bought my son’s clothes because he didn’t care. I got comfortable soft cotton nondescript mall clothes. He picked out rock band t-shirts.

Anonymous wrote:Thx all. Op here. Unfortunately, I think she is seeking attention for the wrong reasons. Low self esteem maybe? I don’t know. She’s a cute girl, plays sports, plenty of good friends. I don’t know why she’d be down on herself.

We’ve already fought the battle back in the spring and summer with the short shorts and tight shirts and tanks. Ugh, now that she’s developing so quickly, it’s really hard. She def looks older than 13.

I think you did the right things. I wouldn’t bring it up again until she pushes the boundaries again. She knows the expectations, and if she wasn’t sure what they are, she is now.

If you added anything, I would address the screaming. That isn’t an appropriate or effective way to communicate and I wouldn’t tolerate that and would make that clear when you are both calm. This won’t be your first disagreement, so best to set some rules on how you both will approach those disagreements in a respectful manner.

She is realizing sex appeal is a powerful feeling and the attention feels good. Be kind and understanding yet firm with your rules

DD’s school has a dress code so I use that as my guide when she tries to fight me about what she wears. Though I don’t really have a problem with crop tops as long as they’re not paired with super short shorts or skirts.

I would talk to her later and say -I don’t feel good about this morning because I really do want you to have freedom to make these kinds of choices. But I also care about you and want to make sure you’re respecting yourself. Can we discuss it? Is there something I’m missing?

In the moment I’d say something like - the answer is no today, and you need to find something else, but I am 100% willing to discuss this when we have more time for you to share your thoughts and me to share mine.

Stop buying stuff that will cause drama.

Yes, I'd give a consequence.

My kids aren’t teens but whenever they have something in this case a shirt I don’t want them to have the correct response is: “Give me that shirt right now”

I used to change in to something else when I got to school. I shudder thinking about it. Very tiny miniskirts.

Anonymous wrote:Thx all. Op here. Unfortunately, I think she is seeking attention for the wrong reasons. Low self esteem maybe? I don’t know. She’s a cute girl, plays sports, plenty of good friends. I don’t know why she’d be down on herself.

We’ve already fought the battle back in the spring and summer with the short shorts and tight shirts and tanks. Ugh, now that she’s developing so quickly, it’s really hard. She def looks older than 13.

What were you like at her age?

Anonymous wrote:You all fighting with your kids about clothes is pretty crazy. They just go into school and change or take things off. Many wear hoodies with crop tops underneath and wear that all day.

All you are showing them is that they should be ashamed of their bodies and to judge others that dress a certain way. Kudos!!!

Normally I'm all for letting them wear what they want as long as it is weather appropriate, like don't let your two year old wear shorts when it's below freezing. Once she's in high school I'd let her decide on her own, but it's a valid consideration for a developing teen at this age, it's part of parenting. Just keep it less punitive and more discussion.