Lawyer and find a job. It’s a blessing he’s giving you full custody. My parents divorced because my dad was a violent alcoholic. We still had to see him part-time until he moved to a different state. My mom was strong and independent (she had to be with 4 young kids, no college degree) and we all turned out quite successful no thanks to my deadbeat dad. Therapy for the kids is important during divorce and to process how their dad doesn’t want custody.

OP, are you sure he has actually left. Do you have an attic (including a crawlspace), basement (behind the furnace or other utility area) or other spaces (pantry, large cabinetry or storage bins) he could be in?

Your worries are a couple kids too late, sorry to say
Make him sign the MSA stat

Empty any joint household account before he does and freeze all other accounts. You will need the cash.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to think about going back to work sooner rather than later. The third kid was probably a mistake.

what an awful thing to say

Also what a pointless thing to say.

Get him to admit some of the substance abuse stuff in writing to you (texts are probably the most natural, then do screenshots immediately). Find a lawyer who can meet with you sooner than two or three weeks out. Call on your network to connect you with a divorce attorney ASAP. Get printouts of all of your assets as they stand today. I agree with PP who said to see about freezing all accounts.

If it were me I'd trying to figure out childcare ASAP, so you can get a job. I don't know what time financial picture is but my worst nightmare would be having no money, no job and no way to look for work because I don't have childcare.

Anonymous wrote:You need to think about going back to work sooner rather than later. The third kid was probably a mistake.

+1

And SAHMs blast me whenever I say “always keep some form of employment, a foot in the door.” It’s what my parents told both genders when we were growing up.

I don’t care how much love and trust you have when you get married, you never can predict what will happen in life. You want your own retirement- own salary.

I stayed working even when my spouse’s salary was $400k-500k some years. I’m so glad I did, 30 years later.

What substance is it?

Most likely once he understands how much money he will owe for giving uo custody he will then start to fight you for custody.

Being realistic fact #1 in no way can you get a protective order. It's hard to get for DV survivors (I know, I am one)

Being realistic fact #2 addicts get custody if they want it. You may be able to require drug tests during the custody process, but if this is alcohol and he doesn't have a DUI it may be very difficult to get safety assurances in place.

What is your support system? Do you have family close by?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The absolute last place you need to be right now is on this forum. You need to be looking for a lawyer, now. Stop posting here and get your act together. The women on this site know nothing.

Obviously I’ve contacted lawyers. But my appointments are all in 2 or 3 weeks and I need info immediately.

From these lunatics? I feel really sorry for you.

Call your husband and talk to him. Has he acknowledged the substance abuse issue? My spouse took FMLA to participate in a substance abuse program and worked part-time for several months. In the meantime, download or take screen shots of all your financial accounts.

Anonymous wrote:The absolute last place you need to be right now is on this forum. You need to be looking for a lawyer, now. Stop posting here and get your act together. The women on this site know nothing.

Obviously I’ve contacted lawyers. But my appointments are all in 2 or 3 weeks and I need info immediately.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:See a lawyer right away. And start looking for work immediately. In theory he should support you and the kids. But if he doesn’t, you’re a long way from a court date and you’ve got bills to pay.

I’m sorry and I hope you have a great support network.

This.

Tell your lawyer about the substance abuse issue even if you’re embarrassed— life insurance needs to be written into your agreement.

I got over his embarrassments a long time ago. The substance abuse will definitely be flagged.

The absolute last place you need to be right now is on this forum. You need to be looking for a lawyer, now. Stop posting here and get your act together. The women on this site know nothing.