I've been thinking lately about "sunsetting" - picking an age and calculating backwards from there - when can I retire? How long can I live comfortably on my retirement savings? And how early do I think I should die before the same health conditions that torment my parents begin to torment me?

The thing that p*sses me off though is the idea that I won't live long enough to get back all that money I've paid in to social security!

Anonymous wrote:I really hope that by the time I get to 80 there will be options like they have in Switzerland now. I would love to go at 80 at the latest.

I have a chunk of money for the Switzerland trip.

Anonymous wrote:I’m 59 now, taking care of my mom 89. She’s still in good health, mentally there. I’m just sick of her being in my house, I know this sounds terrible. My culture you don’t put parents in a nursing home, she/we can’t afford one either. No other siblings to help care for her.

Just venting.

It is tough, but you need to give yourself some space. My mother used to get offended that I did not wish to live with them in the same house. As soon as they moved into the apartment I bought them, she was happier because she did not have to share a kitchen. My Dad is 92 and my mother is 87. They live about 5 minutes away from me, still take good care of themselves. I check on them as needed and go there to play cards and eat with them on the weekend. I think none of us would be as happy if we live in the same house.

Dealing with the care of my 88 year old mom. She has congestive heart failure, atrial fibrillation, high blood pressure and takes about 14 daily meds. Also has significant cognitive decline that exacerbated depression. She sold the childhood home and moved to an independent living community but has been in and out of the hospital and inpatient rehab more than she’s been in her apartment.

She is in complete denial of her health and condition and landed herself back in the hospital because she stopped taking one of her antidepressants cold turkey when she decided she was no longer depressed. Now we pay for a med service company to give her meds twice a day.

All this said, she lives “independently” but I take her to various medical appointments about one a week. Also take notes during each appointment and provide updates to my siblings.

Our generation needs death with dignity.

I’m with you OP. My mom ask the doctor every visit when she would die after turning 90.

When I can no longer recognize my spouse, my children and need full time care please take me out whenever that is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. I secretly hope I die before I lose independence. Honestly, I hope I don’t make it to 80. Watching elderly relatives around me lose their ability to live in their homes, any independence and declining cognitive abilities have assured me of this.

No matter how healthy you are and how well you take care of yourself it happens at some point. Better to go out before you get there.

This.

And it’s not about wanting anyone to die. My sibling died in their 30s of a chronic illness. By the end they couldn’t do any daily care for themselves and also lost their ability to communicate. I don’t ever want to live like that and I think my sibling would have felt the same if they had known the future. I cried myself sick when my sibling died, but I know it was truly a mercy.

Perhaps some people don’t mind losing their independence, or want to live even when they lose it, but that’s not me - I’ll be ready to go when that happens, no matter what the age.

So many people say this but I don’t believe the vast majority of them. Otherwise there would be a lot more people taking active steps to end their lives. Instead many, many people go to great lengths to prolong their lives. I think we see an elderly person and think we’d never want to live like that, but when we get there ourselves we realize there is still sweetness and joy to be found in life, even when it’s hard. My mom was so sick and so incapacitated and in pain at the end of her life, but she said she wanted to live as long as possible because she wanted to kiss her grandson goodnight on as many nights as possible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not age, it's health. The ideal (which is of course very rare) is to remain healthy for a long life, then die after a short but not painful illness. If your 89 year old month needs care, then by definition she is in declining health.

That's not what OP said. She said her mom is healthy and mentally with it. She's just 89.

Ok so if she’s healthy and mentally fine, why is OP caring for her? Can’t she take care of herself if she’s healthy and mentally with it?

Anonymous wrote:It's not age, it's health. The ideal (which is of course very rare) is to remain healthy for a long life, then die after a short but not painful illness. If your 89 year old month needs care, then by definition she is in declining health.

That's not what OP said. She said her mom is healthy and mentally with it. She's just 89.

Being a 90 year in in 15 years is going to be different than it is today. Things that could've killed you 10 years ago are solvable now. AI is going find lots of solutions and people like Bezos/Thiel are pouring tons of money into life extension.

When I'm 90 in 53 years, I'm sure it be even more different. They will probably just 3D organs or know how to tweak DNA to fix the body without intervention.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why everyone feels the boomers are so selfish they live so long and then instead of using the wealth they took from their children for inheritance they burn it up in elderly care

What should they do then, kill themselves?

They should decline aggressive medical intervention. If you're 79 with a history of hypertension, diabetes, obesity, hyperlipidemia, difficulty ambulating, etc and find out you have triple vessel disease and need open heart surgery, maybe think twice about consenting to that surgery. And that needs to be heard by all the family members because a lot of elderly family members are bullied or guilted into treatment by their family.

Anonymous wrote:This is why everyone feels the boomers are so selfish they live so long and then instead of using the wealth they took from their children for inheritance they burn it up in elderly care

wtf? What do you expect elderly people to do? Kill themselves so you can inherit their money?

Now, that's disgusting.

-gen xer with elderly parents who need care.

I think if you are wishing for her death, it is time to put your mother in a nursing home paid by Medicare even if it is not common in your culture.

NP, I completely agree. I've witnessed first-hand loved ones completely wreck their health and savings caring for elderly parents. I pray to not do this to my children. While I'm saving very aggressively for my later years, I'd much rather leave that money to my children than fritter it away on extending my life expectancy beyond the good years.

I really hope that by the time I get to 80 there will be options like they have in Switzerland now. I would love to go at 80 at the latest.