Please find a therapist. I wish I had one on hindsight.

Anonymous wrote:Memory care is like prison. Avoid it for as long as possible. Use her money for her care rather than saving it for your inheritance.

If you have a parent who wanders away that is a gift.The home becomes a prison even when they don't wander because it's just the elder, the aide and the TV. Seeing people, even if you don't interact makes a difference. A beautiful garden and eating with a bunch of people makes a difference.

Anonymous wrote:I've posted on several of your threads OP. Having been in a similar position with an elderly parent, my advice would be to move your mom now to memory care. It will never be easy. But your mom clearly needs hands-on assistance which, despite the name, is not what assisted living is designed to do. Putting it off now only means you're going to face another crisis, sooner than you think.

Thanks, I think the decision for memory care has been made. I’m employing an aide 24/7 in rehab until (if?) my mom can get strong enough to safely get herself out of bed and use the restroom. There’s a strong possibility that her walking days are mostly over. She may regain her strength but she’s so terrified of falling that she may be better off in a wheelchair.

She’s adjusting to rehab way better than I expected. The place she’s rehabbing gets incredible reviews for care but it’s a really old facility with shared rooms and there are a ton of patients, it’s bustling. I think having her own aide really helps and this current one is a college student and really sweet. Who knows what next week will bring- the first night was awful, the problems of employing an agency.

I’m able to breathe a little although I’ve been touring memory care places and running numbers on leaving her in assisted living with a 24/7 aide which is unsustainable. Meeting with her care team Tuesday and I’ll know more then.

I've posted on several of your threads OP. Having been in a similar position with an elderly parent, my advice would be to move your mom now to memory care. It will never be easy. But your mom clearly needs hands-on assistance which, despite the name, is not what assisted living is designed to do. Putting it off now only means you're going to face another crisis, sooner than you think.

^^also there was a resident that also fell and died recently due to the fall. She was 90s.

Anonymous wrote:My mom fell and died in memory care - top notch and expensive. Look at Memory Care at a nice place. If need be hire an aide with her. She will fall regardless of where she is, but she will be clean and cared for. Spend that $$ for her care. Good that she has it. Buys you some peace of mind.

This. Mom in memory care and does fall. These places are understaffed like all others and staff not fully trained for memory care. I have hired an aide to be with mom for 4 hours 3 days a week as she is recovering from covid.

Make sure if you choose a memory care place that they actually know about memory care. There are staff shortages and often the people memory care hires do not have a memory care background and are not trained for it. The facilities don’t actually take the time to train the staff in memory care because they just need to get them working immediately. Also, representatives do also hire aides(sitters) while in memory care in order to just keep the parent there. Ridiculous.

Memory care is like prison. Avoid it for as long as possible. Use her money for her care rather than saving it for your inheritance.

There are places that have “bridge” programs (it’s basically somewhere in between assisted living and memory care). The residents still live in the assisted living apartments but get some level of memory care as well.

Memory care is not just for zombies. Many places that have memory care have multiple levels depending on the stage. There are definitely places that cater to late stage, and that's where you will see residents that reflect late stage dementia. Many of the best memory care places have activities all day, bus rides, parties, and all the other things assisted living offers. However, the staff is trained to deal with patients with memory issues and are skilled at it.

Please use a geriatric care manager if you can afford it. The one I posted about upthread is not in any way compensated unlike A Place for Mom. They are paid by you and only you to advocate for you and your mom.

Anonymous wrote:If she has any awareness, you can't do memory care. If her main medical issue is falling but she is mobile, then assisted living with 24 hours aid.

SNF is for those immobile and needing actual medical care. They will try to keep/make her as immobile as possible since easier for staff to care for multiple patients.

Yes. So terrible. But that is the issue. It is hard to care for the elderly. UTIs run rampant, and symptoms mimic dementia. Patients are then drugged for dementia, which hastens the end. If there is no quality of life left, then that is one thing. But if someone stands a chance of recovery but ultimately dies because of an untreated UTI that is hard.

As a PP stated, memory care patients are frequently heavily sedated. My dad in rehab was heavily sedated, so no rehab was really happening. We pulled him out and got him 24 hour home care and rehab at home. Hugely expensive, but he had the money and we were willing to do the work.