OP, how many threads are you going to start about your gay BIL and his bankruptcy woes?

You seem kind of ...obsessed with him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your brother-in-law being gay have to do with this?

The implication is that a real man wouldn’t cry at the dinner table.

And frankly that is correct. BIL was obviously putting on a show for the family in hopes that someone would again bail him out financially. I wouldn’t want my young kids to see that either.

Why not say "act like an adult" instead, then?

Context counts, and "not acting like a man" has long been a common slur against gay men. You know this, I know this, everyone knows this -- even if that isn't what you meant, it is freighted with that weight, because we are in that culture.

Besides, the real problem isn't that he wasn't manly, but that he wasn't shouldering his own responsibilities like an adult does. That's the message you want for your kids, not that this behavior would have been okay from a woman.

Maybe instead of saying "man-up" you should have said "stop crying and act like an adult. Houses don't go into foreclosure for no reason, it is a consequence for your failure to make your mortgage payment."

Well this didn't happen.

Curious how you would have responded to a woman sobbing like that.

OP, you need to apologize to BIL, wife and family.

Man up implies he was acting like a woman and is homophobic.

I get your frustration with the repeated foreclosures and drama during a holiday but your discomfort caused you to be rude not only to BIL but everyone there. YOU set a bad example. You could have left the room, asked to speak with BIL outside and calmed him down, etc. Or, not gone as you knew this foreclosure was coming.

BIL is either living beyond his means, has an addiction or other place his money is going, has ADHD, bipolar or another undiagnosed issue or needs a stable career path. The family needs to try to help with these underlying issues and drivers, twice is a pattern.

You are screwed up op

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should probably work on sitting with your uncomfortable feelings rather than expecting other people modify their emotions to suit yours.

Couldn’t the same be said for the grown azz man openly sobbing at the holiday dinner table over a situation he created for himself? He sounds like a manipulative narcissist.

He is not posting asking for advice. BIL can feel his emotions. BIL cannot control anyone else’s emotions. Same with OP!

Agree, OP did not behave any better than BIL.

Anonymous wrote:It’s a douchey thing to say. “Man up”- people are allowed their feelings and they express their feelings in different ways. It’s okay do you BIL was crying. He was with his family, that should be a safe place. If this isn’t a troll you are TA. And if you’re not “man enough” to apologize for being a douche then you should go home, alone.

Could be a troll but he has posted about this foreclosure before.

OP, why was his crying so triggering for you? Did you really think your kids would be inspired to follow his example?

You need to apologize to BIL and to the family, it's ok to be annoyed with his repeated issues but what you did was kinda homophobic. In your other post you said you had tried to help him, that can add to the frustration. As a family member you don't kick people when they are down. You also, as an adult, don't spoil holidays. That he was crying is not an invitation for you to act out in an immature way. Not only as a guest but as a role model for your kids. Some day you will be elderly. If you have an issue, do you want them to callously say, "Man up!" Better to have said nothing.

He may have undiagnosed ADHD or other issues, common with people who never get it together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should probably work on sitting with your uncomfortable feelings rather than expecting other people modify their emotions to suit yours.

Couldn’t the same be said for the grown azz man openly sobbing at the holiday dinner table over a situation he created for himself? He sounds like a manipulative narcissist.

He is not posting asking for advice. BIL can feel his emotions. BIL cannot control anyone else’s emotions. Same with OP!

Time and a place for the grown man to be crying. In front of his teenage nieces / nephews is giving me the ick.

And? I don’t know what “giving me the ick” means in this context. Doesn’t sound more mature than man up. In any event, it was not OP’s place to tell the guy to stop crying.

The children around the table were uncomfortable. Someone had to step up and tell BIL to calm down.

Teenagers can learn to deal with the fact other people have emotions.

The true answer to this question is yes, OP, you should leave if you are in someone else’s home.

Did someone else ask the brother how his house was or how he was doing?

That’s the person you should have directed your anger at. Those topics are not safe for dinner with people you see twice a year.

Brother should have obviously said OK and nothing else. He’s probably learned that lesson now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should probably work on sitting with your uncomfortable feelings rather than expecting other people modify their emotions to suit yours.

Couldn’t the same be said for the grown azz man openly sobbing at the holiday dinner table over a situation he created for himself? He sounds like a manipulative narcissist.

He is not posting asking for advice. BIL can feel his emotions. BIL cannot control anyone else’s emotions. Same with OP!

Time and a place for the grown man to be crying. In front of his teenage nieces / nephews is giving me the ick.

And? I don’t know what “giving me the ick” means in this context. Doesn’t sound more mature than man up. In any event, it was not OP’s place to tell the guy to stop crying.

The children around the table were uncomfortable. Someone had to step up and tell BIL to calm down.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should probably work on sitting with your uncomfortable feelings rather than expecting other people modify their emotions to suit yours.

Couldn’t the same be said for the grown azz man openly sobbing at the holiday dinner table over a situation he created for himself? He sounds like a manipulative narcissist.

He is not posting asking for advice. BIL can feel his emotions. BIL cannot control anyone else’s emotions. Same with OP!

Time and a place for the grown man to be crying. In front of his teenage nieces / nephews is giving me the ick.

And? I don’t know what “giving me the ick” means in this context. Doesn’t sound more mature than man up. In any event, it was not OP’s place to tell the guy to stop crying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should probably work on sitting with your uncomfortable feelings rather than expecting other people modify their emotions to suit yours.

Couldn’t the same be said for the grown azz man openly sobbing at the holiday dinner table over a situation he created for himself? He sounds like a manipulative narcissist.

He is not posting asking for advice. BIL can feel his emotions. BIL cannot control anyone else’s emotions. Same with OP!

Time and a place for the grown man to be crying. In front of his teenage nieces / nephews is giving me the ick.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should probably work on sitting with your uncomfortable feelings rather than expecting other people modify their emotions to suit yours.

Couldn’t the same be said for the grown azz man openly sobbing at the holiday dinner table over a situation he created for himself? He sounds like a manipulative narcissist.

He is not posting asking for advice. BIL can feel his emotions. BIL cannot control anyone else’s emotions. Same with OP!