The way it should work is you give a gift receipt, they return/exchange themselves without informing you

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this the first time this has happened with your mom? My mom makes me return gifts all the time but never asks for a replacement.

Not the first time. I sent flowers for Mother’s Day one year and my dad called to tell me she was upset it was such a thoughtless gift, and to come up with a back up plan.

Haha, I am the one you are responding to. I was told, by my mom though, never again to buy flowers!

lol, I was too told, by my mom though, never again to buy flowers. Later, when her neighbor received flowers from son-in-law, she complained she didn't get flowers from DH in Mother's Day. But we had got a gift for her already. OP, just take it easy. I know it's hard. You care your parents. But you also need to take care your mental health.

She- and your father- sound insufferable.

OP your Mom has issues and you know it. None of this is normal and you didn’t do anything wrong. If your not in therapy I suggest it to help you with tools to manage her and set boundaries.

She's being controlling and nutty, but it depends how nutty she is otherwise. If you normally like her, I would just take one for the team and see if she can send you a link to exactly what she wants and do that each year. If she is pure nut, just get rid of gift giving both ways after you get her what she wants this one time. Make it clear better that she use what money she would spend on you to buy herself stuff and just spend less time with her so you can laugh and not feel annoyed.

Anonymous wrote:You returned it and just kept the money? And left her with nothing for her birthday? Of course that’s wrong!

You mean kept her own money because her own mother was rude enough to say she didn’t like a gift from her daughter??? You’ve got to be the mother.

OP, both of your parents sound awful. I am sorry.

Anonymous wrote:I purchased a gift for my mom’s birthday at the end of November. The gift was something she’d talked about, and was for one of her hobbies.

She accepted the gift graciously then texted a few hours later to say it wasn’t quite what she wanted and I can return it while she’s away traveling for the next 3 weeks.

Fast forward one month later - after Christmas - my dad calls to ask if I’m planning to buy my mom a different birthday gift to replace the gift that was returned. He said she’s still waiting for her gift and feeling forgotten. I can buy another gift… but now this just feels awkward.

Is this normal? Do people buy replacement gifts? I grew up with this behavior around gift giving with parents and it caused a lot of anxiety for me. Looking for objective advice - Did I drop the ball here?

buy your mom a miss manners book with a birthday card attached.

In future either don’t do gifts and take them out for a meal (or just write a card) or if you do, attach a gift receipt and she can return it herself and get what she wants. She sounds very high maintenance.

My mom always buys me crap I don’t want/ need without a receipt. I’m gracious but always donate it. It would be much easier with a gift receipt or no gift at all! I don’t ever mention to it to her because it’s rude and she’s proud of what she bought. I started asking for specific things, like this year, I wanted new sheets in a certain color so I sent her three links with various price points and she didn’t get them. It’s fine I’ll buy them myself but I usually like to buy a luxury for a gift someone won’t buy for themselves. It seems silly to buy myself expensive sheets. I have one set of sheets we got for our wedding shower 12 years ago. We had one other set that ripped. She mentioned she didn’t like the color so didn’t order the sheets.

It’s hard to buy for her because she loves knick knacks and has more stuff than anyone I know. I would rather get her an experience or take her on a short trip, but she wants stuff.

Set boundaries with your parents. That behavior isn’t really normal, but who is normal I guess.

You returned it and just kept the money? And left her with nothing for her birthday? Of course that’s wrong!

Anonymous wrote:Instead of letting this cause you anxiety, I would start with the understanding that your parents are weird. Knowing that, buy her the exact thing she wanted. Have her send you the link if needed. Don’t waste any more time wondering if you screwed up. She’s weird, she wants what she wants, send it to her and move on with your life.

Agree. No changing this dynamic.

Not normal. Disengage about the gift. Normal adults do not act that way.

You should have given her a gift receipt so she could get a store credit, and not bother you with it.

Very odd for your mom to ask for a replacement and then your dad to call on her behalf? Unusual for sure.

Flowers are a thoughtless gift? No this isn't normal. You give a gift. If they don't want or like it they can return, exchange, or donate (depending on gift receipt). The only thing they should say to you is - thank you.

I would probably stop giving gifts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this the first time this has happened with your mom? My mom makes me return gifts all the time but never asks for a replacement.

Not the first time. I sent flowers for Mother’s Day one year and my dad called to tell me she was upset it was such a thoughtless gift, and to come up with a back up plan.

Your mom is ridiculous but so is your dad. He should not be the go between. Next time give her a gift receipt with the gift. If you dad calls you tell him you did your best and if he thinks he can do better he is welcome to try but to leave you out of it.

OP, you did NOT drop the ball here. Not even close. I’m so sorry that your parents, both your mother and father, have no manners.

Send them the receipt so they can return the damn gift.