OP, are you divorced? Otherwise the money is your money. He sounds controlling. And your walking on eggshells trying to keep him happy is weird too.

Anonymous wrote:

dcmom12345 wrote:I agree and offered my support for her to transfer. The issue is I can't pay for it alone and DH won't contribute.

Well you have a DH issue, not a daughter issue.

This is my thought, as well. She can have just as successful of a future transferring to one of those schools. There’s nothing wrong with that list at all. There IS something wrong being “Ivy or Bust” and your DH’s stance is concerning.

He only puts his foot down on academics/school reputation. There hasn't been any extreme power struggles before since DD was very academically inclined always wanted what he considered "top schools". This is the first time he has mandated anything and since college is so expensive he has the power to.

Your DH is being unreasonable and controlling. And it could affect their relationship, as well as her mental health.

DH and I would be having it out BIGLY over this.

dcmom12345 wrote:I agree and offered my support for her to transfer. The issue is I can't pay for it alone and DH won't contribute.

Does your husband make all the decisions in your household? I don’t see why his opinions matters on this. He needs to respect his daughter’s decision, and you need to get him to that place.

dcmom12345 wrote:I agree and offered my support for her to transfer. The issue is I can't pay for it alone and DH won't contribute.

Well you have a DH issue, not a daughter issue.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe Brown? Dh might accept it as

Sorry, posted unexpectedly. Just thinking your dh might be okay with it as it’s still an Ivy, but my understanding is that it’s not as intense once you’re in there.

Maybe Brown? Dh might accept it as

I think more than have of freshman want to transfer at some point during the fall and esp over the break. Mine did. It is so common and part of adjustment. He even had applications filled out. Never submitted and by April of freshmam year was so much better. Now a soph and so happy.

Check out this:

https://counseling.studentaffairs.miami.edu/_assets/pdf/the-w-curve-and-the-first-year-of-college.pdf

The Ivy is Columbia for clarification. Loved NYC and campus when visited now says she feels stressed not only by intense students but of the intense and fast pace vibe of the city.

She choose math as she has always been very passionate about it and successful(AMC success as well as grades and AP). For college we did a tour of all potential colleges and she chose to ED to the one she is at now based on her infatuation with NYC, academic reputation, and good vides when touring.

Which Ivy? That's important. Literally, had similar issues with DD and DH. It makes a difference if Dartmouth or Cornell (isolated or small town) vs Columbia (NYC) or Harvard (Boston). I am going to guess it is Cornell or UPenn.

I think if it is an isolated Ivy like a Brown, Dartmouth, Cornell, etc., I can see where DD is coming from. In cities, seems like more to do outside of school.

I hear her concerns. My kid is a soph math major at an Ivy. First year was really hard finding people. Her math classes have been mostly good (some great profs, some just good) but hard. Now, she is really hitting her stride. Her school is one of the "friendlier" Ivies. She had initially considered Harvard and Columbia, but decided against them because wanted something with more collaborative atmosphere. One of her friends just transferred from another Ivy and seems very happy. All this to say that a "lower tier" school may or may not have a better environment, but it's likely not related to the school tier. Maybe a choosing classes for great profs would help (along with meeting more people). Or, shifting to something a little less intense like applied math. If she really wants to transfer, I'd research schools with great math faculty and more relaxed atmosphere.

*resiliency

dcmom12345 wrote:To add- we live in Maryland so I brought up in UMD as an option with DD seemed okay with but DH put on list of "will not pay for". He gave a list of universities he would consider acceptable which was limited to Chicago, Duke, MIT, Stanford, Caltech, AWS, JHU, Northwestern, RICE, Vandy, Michigan, and Berkeley.

What's wrong with Michigan? That's a big state school with the typical university experience.

I'm a PP whose math major DC is at UMD, and DC got into Mich too but declined due to the weather. But, I think DC could've been fine there, too, other than the weather.