Anonymous
Post 12/30/2023 00:25     Subject: Look, I understand that adult children will have to financially support their parents eventually, but...
What are you talking about?
Anonymous
Post 12/30/2023 00:07     Subject: Look, I understand that adult children will have to financially support their parents eventually, but...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I just don't understand why it has to happen before the adult child is 35. What's the rush?


Well, if I am going to make my kids support me...why wait until I am old? Might as well hit them up for luxury European vacations and other luxuries why I am still young enough to enjoy it.

Alas, if my kid becomes a centa-millionaire+...well, I might hope they will bestow some generosity.


I’m starting to wonder if this is going on with MiL. They did well in an era when hosing was cheap and college costs were not prohibitive. They inherited some money too. But they’ve spent. A lot. A lot.

We’ve done well but in an era where money doesn’t go as far. Will be frustrating if the money we were planning to leave our DCs is diverted to care for ILs who spent and spent.
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2023 17:13     Subject: Look, I understand that adult children will have to financially support their parents eventually, but...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I've only seen this done in Asian households.

Most of my Asian and East Asian friends support their parents. It's part of their culture to give back support for all the support the parents provided over the years.


This. One of the kids my kids know from hs has just graduated and her parents, while living in a house worth over 1mil being healthy and in their 50s, expect her to start paying for them now. Not helping them. Supporting them. She doesn't even have a job yet. They are horrible people and treat her terribly.


How do they envision that she can find a job with a HS degree where she can support them and swing those taxes on that house?
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2023 17:09     Subject: Look, I understand that adult children will have to financially support their parents eventually, but...
Anonymous wrote:Oh, it's you again. You're so tiresome. If you love your parents and they were poor all their lives or have been diagnosed with some expensive disease, or are in some way deserving of help, YES, you should help them with food, shelter and medical care, and if you can afford more, a little luxury every now and then.

If you're talking about entitled parents who want cruises from you, or other extravagant stuff then NO, you should not feel obligated at all.

Sheesh.


This is a good frame. I'm where I am because of the sacrifices my parents made. They worked, but had modest savings. Fortunately us kids didn't have to break our banks to support them in their later years, but we did do some.

I'm struggling a little as DH's parents have blown through a lot of their savings. And they had so much more than my parents. So much more. We are now very well off (much less so when my parents were alive), but frankly, I would like to put this money into supporting causes as well as directly helping people who are less fortunate.

It rankles.
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2023 09:40     Subject: Look, I understand that adult children will have to financially support their parents eventually, but...
Anonymous wrote:I've only seen this done in Asian households.

Most of my Asian and East Asian friends support their parents. It's part of their culture to give back support for all the support the parents provided over the years.


This. One of the kids my kids know from hs has just graduated and her parents, while living in a house worth over 1mil being healthy and in their 50s, expect her to start paying for them now. Not helping them. Supporting them. She doesn't even have a job yet. They are horrible people and treat her terribly.
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2023 09:05     Subject: Look, I understand that adult children will have to financially support their parents eventually, but...
Anonymous wrote:I've only seen this done in Asian households.

Most of my Asian and East Asian friends support their parents. It's part of their culture to give back support for all the support the parents provided over the years.


Most of Asian parents are against kids doing part side jobs or taking any loans and pay for everything until kids find professional jobs which drains their savings, specially donut holes one sending kids to expensive colleges without financial aid.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2023 17:14     Subject: Look, I understand that adult children will have to financially support their parents eventually, but...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sigh, I'm sorry OP. My father was terrible with money. Not in terms of spending, but just didn't understand how to save and despite my mom's efforts, she's left with very little for retirement, in a large part because they also spent a ton on my sister's SN over the years, which meant constantly dipping into savings. I hope she lives for decades longer, and if that means she needs financial support at the end, then so be it. It's frustrating because the boomers had the best economy for growing wealth, and she could be in such a better position now if he/they were savvier. I'm starting to have a lot more hard conversations with her about how she needs to stop being so generous because she needs a cushion in addition to her retirement and SS (particularly because she'll likely end up in the DMV with us, so her money won't go as far).

But barring unexpected medical or other issues, it seems irresponsible for your parents to need financial support from their young adults. That's when you should be focusing on establishing yourself and they should still be working. What are the circumstances that led to them needing financial support so young, OP?


This has nothing to do with me. I just don't like the idea of my peers financially supporting their parents, but not me.


Can you explain - you want to support your parents financially like your peers do their parents? Or you want your peers to support YOU financially like they do their parents?


This- or better, none of us financially support our parents until 35.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2023 16:39     Subject: Look, I understand that adult children will have to financially support their parents eventually, but...
Its actually easier when you are below 34, if you are 45+ then you've kids college and your own aging/retirement issues rising.

Anonymous
Post 12/27/2023 16:36     Subject: Look, I understand that adult children will have to financially support their parents eventually, but...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I just don't understand why it has to happen before the adult child is 35. What's the rush?


I don't know. We've done it all for them from private education to cars and whatnot but expect nothing. Although, we also fully supported our parents after turning 25 so not much left for us. However, both were our choices, weren't forced to do either and would do it again.


Would it really have killed you to wait another 10 years?


Couldn't leave on mercy of other people.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2023 16:35     Subject: Look, I understand that adult children will have to financially support their parents eventually, but...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I just don't understand why it has to happen before the adult child is 35. What's the rush?


I don't know. We've done it all for them from private education to cars and whatnot but expect nothing. Although, we also fully supported our parents after turning 25 so not much left for us. However, both were our choices, weren't forced to do either and would do it again.


Would it really have killed you to wait another 10 years?


They were retired without savings, pension and 401k or social security and didn't want to sell their paid off homes. Both side's homes went to siblings who didn't spend a $ on parents.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2023 16:31     Subject: Look, I understand that adult children will have to financially support their parents eventually, but...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I just don't understand why it has to happen before the adult child is 35. What's the rush?


I don't know. We've done it all for them from private education to cars and whatnot but expect nothing. Although, we also fully supported our parents after turning 25 so not much left for us. However, both were our choices, weren't forced to do either and would do it again.


Would it really have killed you to wait another 10 years?
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2023 15:46     Subject: Look, I understand that adult children will have to financially support their parents eventually, but...
I've only seen this done in Asian households.

Most of my Asian and East Asian friends support their parents. It's part of their culture to give back support for all the support the parents provided over the years.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2023 15:36     Subject: Re:Look, I understand that adult children will have to financially support their parents eventually, but...
Not in my house. I'd rather commit suicide before I lean on my kids for help. But if they don't quit tapping my funds to live their lives they can't afford I may just lie and tell them it's their duty to support me.

I honestly think my ugly DIL would contemplate killing me. She's a greedy b.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2023 15:35     Subject: Look, I understand that adult children will have to financially support their parents eventually, but...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sigh, I'm sorry OP. My father was terrible with money. Not in terms of spending, but just didn't understand how to save and despite my mom's efforts, she's left with very little for retirement, in a large part because they also spent a ton on my sister's SN over the years, which meant constantly dipping into savings. I hope she lives for decades longer, and if that means she needs financial support at the end, then so be it. It's frustrating because the boomers had the best economy for growing wealth, and she could be in such a better position now if he/they were savvier. I'm starting to have a lot more hard conversations with her about how she needs to stop being so generous because she needs a cushion in addition to her retirement and SS (particularly because she'll likely end up in the DMV with us, so her money won't go as far).

But barring unexpected medical or other issues, it seems irresponsible for your parents to need financial support from their young adults. That's when you should be focusing on establishing yourself and they should still be working. What are the circumstances that led to them needing financial support so young, OP?


This has nothing to do with me. I just don't like the idea of my peers financially supporting their parents, but not me.


Can you explain - you want to support your parents financially like your peers do their parents? Or you want your peers to support YOU financially like they do their parents?
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2023 15:33     Subject: Look, I understand that adult children will have to financially support their parents eventually, but...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No, many adult children to not have to financially support their parents, ever.


+1. No most kids do not support their parents. Mine are 80+ and could live to 100+ without a dime from me. And we were not rich growing up-they were teachers but saved well.


+1 My dad has a pension and does not need financial help.

My in-laws were self-sufficient and left a modest inheritance for their kids.