Anonymous wrote:

Sorry, I cannot relate.

Since I was little, I never expected people to buy me things I like, unless I tell them exactly what to buy me - as in, point out the actual item! I am very picky, I know this about myself, so I send people who ask a link to the exact item, or resign myself to tell them something vague that I won't necessarily like. I will buy myself things throughout the year.

If your husband gives you nothing while you give him something, that's a different problem altogether: he's not being nice. Either you stop giving him gifts too, or you make a huge to-do and force him to buy exactly what you want.

I have a similar story. Truth is nobody is going to get me as thoughtful a present as the one I buy myself.

Now having read these boards for years, I’m convinced most of us are bad gift givers. (Not all, no need to tell me why you personally are amazing). But there is such an expectation that good gift = “love, care, appreciation” but that’s not really true for most people.

The OP has a legit gripe, but the PPs are mostly correct. If the husband is completely whiffing and not getting anything, that is thoughtless. If he gets something and it isn’t right, that is probably on you.

I used to try to do thoughtful gifts for my wife. But she is very particular and they would rarely “land”. As an example, she is a gardener and we needed a trellis for an awkwardly-shaped space. I looked forever online for something and finally determined that I would have to do it on my own. I went to a lumber shop and bought some cedar and crafted a very nice trellis that was, in my mind, both attractive and functional. She didn’t care for it. I now buy whatever stuff she sends me via link.

Send him this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOVCtUdaMCU

Just send him a link. I know what I want and am very specific about how I want it, so I wouldn't be okay with an approximation. For example, I am very into yoga and have wanted a bolster for years; good ones cost around $100 and it's always felt slightly too indulgent for me to just get (even though we can), so I sent him the link to the model/brand/color that I want for Christmas.

I am also not a great gift giver and very much appreciate when people are specific about what they want. They can't read your mind OP.

Sorry, I cannot relate.

Since I was little, I never expected people to buy me things I like, unless I tell them exactly what to buy me - as in, point out the actual item! I am very picky, I know this about myself, so I send people who ask a link to the exact item, or resign myself to tell them something vague that I won't necessarily like. I will buy myself things throughout the year.

If your husband gives you nothing while you give him something, that's a different problem altogether: he's not being nice. Either you stop giving him gifts too, or you make a huge to-do and force him to buy exactly what you want.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want some whine with that cheese…? Get your own gift and call it a day.

Are you 80? Who still says that? What’s next, “bye Felicia?”

You take issue with that and not the "BOO" lady, as in "who's gonna check me Boo." That's a 1000X worse.

Anonymous wrote:23 years and two kids and I can count on one hand, the number of nice gifts. My 44th birthday and I asked for a gold paperclip chain…I received one but it’s freaking shitty costume. Last year it was nothing. I’m literally the mom with the empty stocking. I don’t always go all out but generally buy nice gifts. I gave him a Longine watch last year. I’m next expecting anything crazy but a 14k gold necklace isn’t above our means. Except for wedding and engagement, I buy all of my own nice items. I know I should just give up but it makes me feel like shit.

1) ALL moms have empty stockings. You aren't alone there.
2) I see you buy your own gifts. It's OK. It's good.
or
3) make a list with LINKS to the EXACT things that you want. No, it isn't going to be a surprise, but considering we announce the gender, weight, and sexual orientation of our babies before they are born I don't think folks actually care for surprises all THAT much.

Send links, stop with the games.

OP you’re a gift person, and your spouse is not. To us, you’re like aliens. Why would he want an expensive watch you picked out? Instead of picking out his own? Or buying something else?

If you are a gift person, you need to be REALLY SPECIFIC about what you want.
L

Gift giving is for simps

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want some whine with that cheese…? Get your own gift and call it a day.

Are you 80? Who still says that? What’s next, “bye Felicia?”

This is DCUM. PP is probably an 80 year old woman with a 2 year old child, like most of the moms in the DMV.

I sent a link to what I wanted and told him where the store the was.

That’s usually the hurdle. If your DH isn’t a spender, he probably doesn’t know how to shop for what you want.

Between online shopping, porch piracy, and store closures, gift buying has gotten more difficult.

I just googled that necklace; there are a variety of prices/brands. You probably should’ve sent him the exact link. I would tell him that you are going to buy yourself a nice one, and give the costume one to charity.

This post made me sad! We all deserve to feel loved and recognized. The people in our lives don’t always know how to do give us what we need. We don’t always know how to give ourselves what we need!

There are some good suggestions here. Other ideas: Take some “love language” quizzes and share results with DH. Tell him to get advice from his mom/ sisters/ your friends. Give him parameters like designers, stores, colors. Coach your kids on good gift giving practices like taking notes when people mention things they like, observing what’s in their house, asking about their hobbies. Create an Amazon wishlist or an online registry and flag things you like so he can browse.

Anonymous wrote:23 years and two kids and I can count on one hand, the number of nice gifts. My 44th birthday and I asked for a gold paperclip chain…I received one but it’s freaking shitty costume. Last year it was nothing. I’m literally the mom with the empty stocking. I don’t always go all out but generally buy nice gifts. I gave him a Longine watch last year. I’m next expecting anything crazy but a 14k gold necklace isn’t above our means. Except for wedding and engagement, I buy all of my own nice items. I know I should just give up but it makes me feel like shit.

Well, kindly talking to your partner about your need of romantic gestures is often more efficient, effective and cheaper than talking to a therapist or a shark lawyer. Try it.