Anonymous
12/15/2023 16:11
Subject: Since when did being BI become fashionable?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think most people are somewhat bi, or would be, given the opportunity. I also think people tend to decide what they like over time and what they like changes over time. I would love to see all the identitarian talk (at least in UMC liberal environments) evolve past the stage where it's something to be celebrated and just become something that is. Your seventh grader is not "brave" for being pan. They are twelve. That's it.
People tend to use themselves as a template for how other people are. This is why so many bisexual people say most people are “a little bi”. I’ve heard nonbinary people say everyone is a little nonbinary and no one has a binary gender. You’re queer and it’s important to understand that means you can’t make statements like this because you aren’t a template for most humans. Most people are cisgender and heterosexual. This is also why gay men will say bi men are closeted bi and straight women will say that bi women are trying to be edgy or trying to get attention. It’s these straight people using themselves as a template for everyone else.
I suppose. It's just that in my own lived experience, it's what I observed. Everyone I knew in college tried on different roles and different relationships. The majority did end up in cis het relationships, (I didn't), but that's also in line with population demographics, or, as you would have it, the percentage of people who are left-handed. (Although being left handed has nothing to do with identity.)
When you remove social stigma from same sex relationships, a lot more people consider them an option. I tend to think some people are more omnivorous than others, but again, I also think what one prefers, how one identifies, and what kinds of people one is attracted to changes over time. Life is long. Your identity and what you prefer in a partner aren't things that you decide at age 12 and stay the same forever--necessarily.
For some they do stay the same. But not all.
And this is one huge reason I'd really love us all to evolve beyond all of these quirky and special labels that all mean queer.
Many people are closeted bisexual but trust me, most people are absolutely straight. Even if they experiment and try out sex with a same sex partner, that doesn’t make them bi. They actually have to be into it. They have to be turned on by it. They have to want it. Not just want to experiment.
I’m bi and trans and have been out as bi for over 20 years. I know I can’t use my internal experiences as a template for how others feel about gender or sexuality but at one point in my life I did that sort of reflexively without thinking about it. I literally thought all men struggled with a desire to be women and that they hated their secondary sex characteristics but dealt with it the best they could. The realization that the general population doesn’t actually experience sexuality (or in my case also gender) the way we do can be both shocking and illuminating. It’s human nature to think we are the same as everyone else but we aren’t like them in this way.
I’ve spoken to asexual and aromantic people that were shocked when they found out things like people actually get crushes on celebrities or that people can find someone immediately attractive and get turned on by them. I honestly think it’s part of the queer experience (for many of us) to realize that the general population is literally not like us.
But I do agree many more people are bi than are out but I don’t think it’s the majority.
Anonymous
12/15/2023 15:34
Subject: Re:Since when did being BI become fashionable?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Same reason so many more people are left handed in 1940 vs 1920.
????
Really you don’t understand this?
People use to be beaten for being left handed.
People use to be beaten for being gay.
When that stopped all of a sudden the # of left handed people increased exponentially.
Anonymous
12/15/2023 15:30
Subject: Since when did being BI become fashionable?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You’re queer and it’s important to understand that means you can’t make statements like this because you aren’t a template for most humans. Most people are cisgender and heterosexual. This is also why gay men will say bi men are closeted bi and straight women will say that bi women are trying to be edgy or trying to get attention. It’s these straight people using themselves as a template for everyone else.
People are more than who they want to sleep with. There's less difference between anyone than you seem to think. And, as I said, what we like evolves over time. Some men do identify as bisexual before they come out. Some women do say they're bisexual before they have the experience to determine if that's true. Some people identify as nonbinary before--or after--discovering they are trans. Some people become aromantic after experience. Some people become pansexual after being asexual. Etc.
All I'm asking you do is consider that identity and sexual preferences are moving targets, not static ones. We in the US are somewhat privileged enough (at least in some places) to live in a culture where we're allowed to choose, or to realize who we are. But identity isn't carved in stone. It can change and evolve and that's all part of the wonder.
Anonymous
12/15/2023 15:18
Subject: Since when did being BI become fashionable?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think most people are somewhat bi, or would be, given the opportunity. I also think people tend to decide what they like over time and what they like changes over time. I would love to see all the identitarian talk (at least in UMC liberal environments) evolve past the stage where it's something to be celebrated and just become something that is. Your seventh grader is not "brave" for being pan. They are twelve. That's it.
People tend to use themselves as a template for how other people are. This is why so many bisexual people say most people are “a little bi”. I’ve heard nonbinary people say everyone is a little nonbinary and no one has a binary gender. You’re queer and it’s important to understand that means you can’t make statements like this because you aren’t a template for most humans. Most people are cisgender and heterosexual. This is also why gay men will say bi men are closeted bi and straight women will say that bi women are trying to be edgy or trying to get attention. It’s these straight people using themselves as a template for everyone else.
I suppose. It's just that in my own lived experience, it's what I observed. Everyone I knew in college tried on different roles and different relationships. The majority did end up in cis het relationships, (I didn't), but that's also in line with population demographics, or, as you would have it, the percentage of people who are left-handed. (Although being left handed has nothing to do with identity.)
When you remove social stigma from same sex relationships, a lot more people consider them an option. I tend to think some people are more omnivorous than others, but again, I also think what one prefers, how one identifies, and what kinds of people one is attracted to changes over time. Life is long. Your identity and what you prefer in a partner aren't things that you decide at age 12 and stay the same forever--necessarily.
For some they do stay the same. But not all.
And this is one huge reason I'd really love us all to evolve beyond all of these quirky and special labels that all mean queer.
Anonymous
12/15/2023 15:10
Subject: Since when did being BI become fashionable?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'll be happy when we get rid of this "bi" term. No need to reinforce the harmful myth of the binary.
I'm pansexual. But I don't go around discussing it. Mainly because I assume my romantic/sexual proclivity is boring to anyone but myself.
The word "binary" is not a bad word. The idea that there are male animals and female animals is acceptable, yes? There are also male humans and female humans. That has nothing to do with whether or not they have short edgy haircuts and like to wear ties.
Well that was ignorant and offensive...
There's nothing offensive about biology. It doesn't stop you from changing gender or choosing to have none, or anything from the spectrum between. But it also exists. If it did not exist, presumably you would not need hormones, or surgery, or take steps to affirm your identity via fashion choices.
There's nothing wrong with doing any of that. But there's a lot wrong with the kind of ignorance that just says "binary" is a bad word because that's what you learned on Tumblr.
Anonymous
12/15/2023 13:31
Subject: Since when did being BI become fashionable?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:In my experience, a lot of women are bi (or bi-curious) even if they’ve only been with men. I knew I was bi before high school - and here I am, at 38, still bi!
It’s amazing that for a group centered around equality biphobia is still acceptable.
Biphobia in the workplace queer community is a lot less frequent than it used to be but it still exists. This board has a lot of straight people that post on it.
Maybe that's because straight people have a lot more questions and curiosities about non-straight issues than non-straight people do.
Anonymous
12/15/2023 13:14
Subject: Since when did being BI become fashionable?
Anonymous wrote:In my experience, a lot of women are bi (or bi-curious) even if they’ve only been with men. I knew I was bi before high school - and here I am, at 38, still bi!
It’s amazing that for a group centered around equality biphobia is still acceptable.
Biphobia in the workplace queer community is a lot less frequent than it used to be but it still exists. This board has a lot of straight people that post on it.
Anonymous
12/15/2023 10:06
Subject: Since when did being BI become fashionable?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'll be happy when we get rid of this "bi" term. No need to reinforce the harmful myth of the binary.
I'm pansexual. But I don't go around discussing it. Mainly because I assume my romantic/sexual proclivity is boring to anyone but myself.
The word "binary" is not a bad word. The idea that there are male animals and female animals is acceptable, yes? There are also male humans and female humans. That has nothing to do with whether or not they have short edgy haircuts and like to wear ties.
Well that was ignorant and offensive...
Anonymous
12/15/2023 10:02
Subject: Since when did being BI become fashionable?
Anonymous wrote:I think most people are somewhat bi, or would be, given the opportunity. I also think people tend to decide what they like over time and what they like changes over time. I would love to see all the identitarian talk (at least in UMC liberal environments) evolve past the stage where it's something to be celebrated and just become something that is. Your seventh grader is not "brave" for being pan. They are twelve. That's it.
People tend to use themselves as a template for how other people are. This is why so many bisexual people say most people are “a little bi”. I’ve heard nonbinary people say everyone is a little nonbinary and no one has a binary gender. You’re queer and it’s important to understand that means you can’t make statements like this because you aren’t a template for most humans. Most people are cisgender and heterosexual. This is also why gay men will say bi men are closeted bi and straight women will say that bi women are trying to be edgy or trying to get attention. It’s these straight people using themselves as a template for everyone else.
Anonymous
12/15/2023 06:26
Subject: Re:Since when did being BI become fashionable?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Same reason so many more people are left handed in 1940 vs 1920.
????
That was when people stopped punishing kids for being left handed
Anonymous
12/15/2023 06:13
Subject: Since when did being BI become fashionable?
In my experience, a lot of women are bi (or bi-curious) even if they’ve only been with men. I knew I was bi before high school - and here I am, at 38, still bi!
It’s amazing that for a group centered around equality biphobia is still acceptable.
It’s amazing that for a group centered around equality biphobia is still acceptable.
Anonymous
12/15/2023 02:58
Subject: Since when did being BI become fashionable?
Anonymous wrote:I'll be happy when we get rid of this "bi" term. No need to reinforce the harmful myth of the binary.
I'm pansexual. But I don't go around discussing it. Mainly because I assume my romantic/sexual proclivity is boring to anyone but myself.
The word "binary" is not a bad word. The idea that there are male animals and female animals is acceptable, yes? There are also male humans and female humans. That has nothing to do with whether or not they have short edgy haircuts and like to wear ties.
Anonymous
12/14/2023 20:38
Subject: Re:Since when did being BI become fashionable?
Anonymous wrote:Same reason so many more people are left handed in 1940 vs 1920.
????
Anonymous
12/14/2023 19:22
Subject: Since when did being BI become fashionable?
I came out to my parents when I was 13, back in the 90s. Dated men and women until I met my husband in college and 25 years later am still bi. I don’t talk about it regularly because nobody is talking about their high school relationships at this stage of life. But I don’t hide it when it comes up in context, and now that my kids are getting older, I make a point to mention old girlfriends (when appropriate) to help normalize it for them and I want to avoid a big awkward coming out talk if they ever need to have that conversation with me. There are probably many people like me. Plus the folks that ran out of F’s to give after their lives turned upside down because of the pandemic.
Anonymous
12/14/2023 19:00
Subject: Re:Since when did being BI become fashionable?
Same reason so many more people are left handed in 1940 vs 1920.