My daughter had a Brownie "moving up" ceremony that I missed because I was playing in a softball game. My husband went, my mother went, my son went but I still felt kind of guilty for not going because my daughter wanted me to go. I hated that Brownie stuff too . Normally I went to almost everything. She got over it though.

Anonymous wrote:That’s ideal! When our kids were young we were both working FT away from home and sometimes we missed special events. Yes, our nanny went but it really ate at us but our kids did just fine. You have to be resilient to survive.

You really believe that your kid was fine with the nanny instead of as parent,? You are delusional.. but then now you understand why the nannies are closer to your child than you

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone says "Oh, are you going to school carnival?" Or "I didn't see you at the choral performance, your daughter was adorable with her stage presence!" They are NOT guilting you so don't take it that way. I learned that lesson too late and beat myself up about some things until I realized people are just sharing and making small talk, I did it too without realizing.

+1000

I didn’t see you there, your kid was adorable is absolutely a guilt trip.

I really don't think so. I think it's a compliment and an attempt to start a conversation.
That being said I am a night shift medical worker so I miss things quite often and have never felt judged. If I were a high earner maybe I'd be more conscious of that sort of thing.

That’s ideal! When our kids were young we were both working FT away from home and sometimes we missed special events. Yes, our nanny went but it really ate at us but our kids did just fine. You have to be resilient to survive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone says "Oh, are you going to school carnival?" Or "I didn't see you at the choral performance, your daughter was adorable with her stage presence!" They are NOT guilting you so don't take it that way. I learned that lesson too late and beat myself up about some things until I realized people are just sharing and making small talk, I did it too without realizing.

+1000

I didn’t see you there, your kid was adorable is absolutely a guilt trip.

Depends. Ask your child.

Anonymous wrote:If someone says "Oh, are you going to school carnival?" Or "I didn't see you at the choral performance, your daughter was adorable with her stage presence!" They are NOT guilting you so don't take it that way. I learned that lesson too late and beat myself up about some things until I realized people are just sharing and making small talk, I did it too without realizing.

+1000

I think it's so much better than the mother attending all events and the father being left clueless and disengaged in the background. I have never met any teacher or administrator who implied the mother had to do these things.

Are asking if choosing money over time with your children was the right choice? That’s something only you can answer.

If someone says "Oh, are you going to school carnival?" Or "I didn't see you at the choral performance, your daughter was adorable with her stage presence!" They are NOT guilting you so don't take it that way. I learned that lesson too late and beat myself up about some things until I realized people are just sharing and making small talk, I did it too without realizing.

Of course! I was traveling for work yesterday when it was open house at my younger two kids’ school. DH went, had a blast, and now the teachers and other parents know him better. My kids were still thrilled when I got home last night. Win-win-win.

It's fine. I work night shift so can't make everything. Ds understands and no other parent has ever said anything to me or DH.

thisisfine.

Before Covid, I had a work Trip and missed my daughter's K "mommy and me" mother'sday celebration. I was so sad. A relative went in my stead and it wasfinebut i'mstill regretful.

Anonymous wrote:Of course! It’s great your child gets time with both at this stuff.

+1. Occasionally we send a grandparent too, which everyone loves (even the teachers!).

To be honest we almost never went to any events when the kids were in preschool; now they're in elementary school we try to do some, ie Halloween parade, any performances, and each parent will volunteer twice in each kid's classroom during a given school year. That still leaves a LOT of events or opportunities we skip. Our school has opportunities for parents to volunteer daily or weekly - lunches, library, aides - and we don't do those things. Kids are fine.

(and the last time I volunteered in the classroom I got a horrible respiratory thing which lasted 6 weeks so I am not even feeling remotely guilty about not going more often. My kids may be largely immune to some of the stuff circulating there, but I am not!)

I think that as long as each parent goes to some things throughout the year, it’s fine. You don’t even need one parent to show up to every single event.