I am very sorry for you but I don’t understand your post. If your mom has dementia, how is she getting to your home? Why is she coming for long visits?

Her ability to do anything on her own is limited. Of course you cannot reason with her.
A long visit from anyone is stressful. I can’t imagine a long visit with someone with dementia.

Who normally cares for your mother at her home? She should stay home, where it is familiar, and you should make short visits there.

OP, if this visit is weighing on you so much, why not shorten it? Maybe the sun has set on her coming to your house for long periods of time? Why not schedule a 4-5 day visit and dig deep and take her with you when you leave the house? Watch movies with her when you need some down time?

My mom - beginning stages of dementia and controlling narcissist - is pretty much a nightmare with moments of peace in between the tantrums and silent treatment. Visiting her is exhausting and soul sucking. I get it. But if you aren't willing to hire someone to be with her and you want a break from her while she visits - what are your options, really?

The last time I went to see my mom, I stayed in a hotel and it made so much difference to have that space. Maybe you phase out her visits to you and do some short visits to where she lives where you can put some space between the two of you, and she is in her trusted environment.

Sending you empathy because your situation, like mine, is heart-breaking and draining.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the reality of dementia. No, people with dementia can't be left alone for a few minutes. It's difficult and exhausting to care for someone with dementia, and is a 24/7 job. Either you do it, or you hire someone to do it while she visits you.

She can very safely stay alone - she is not that far along yet. Also, I think you misread my post. She is visiting, that means she stays in my house. I am the one who wants to leave the house alone. I didn’t say that she needs to leave the house alone.

Um, I think you misread MY post. I didn't say anything about your mom leaving the house alone. And I acknowledged that I know she is visiting when I said (my very last words) "while she visits you."

If she "is not that far along yet" and "can very safely stay alone," then go ahead and leave her at home alone while you leave the house. What's the problem?

My DH also works from home. There’s always someone there. And loneliness doesn’t mean being alone for half an hour. That’s not what loneliness is.

It's like you're quoting my posts but then responding to something completely different. It's the second time in this thread you've done it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the reality of dementia. No, people with dementia can't be left alone for a few minutes. It's difficult and exhausting to care for someone with dementia, and is a 24/7 job. Either you do it, or you hire someone to do it while she visits you.

She can very safely stay alone - she is not that far along yet. Also, I think you misread my post. She is visiting, that means she stays in my house. I am the one who wants to leave the house alone. I didn’t say that she needs to leave the house alone.

Um, I think you misread MY post. I didn't say anything about your mom leaving the house alone. And I acknowledged that I know she is visiting when I said (my very last words) "while she visits you."

If she "is not that far along yet" and "can very safely stay alone," then go ahead and leave her at home alone while you leave the house. What's the problem?

My DH also works from home. There’s always someone there. And loneliness doesn’t mean being alone for half an hour. That’s not what loneliness is.