Dh regularly eats everything in our house too. He’s the only one who grocery shops though (mostly). He’s a really tall guy and I’m very petite so he knows I eat way less. We cut the good stuff in half so I can eat my half slowly over a few days and he can gobble it instantly (like the good chocolate or a box of special cookies). He doesn’t dare touch my half. Kids are constantly sad that all the snacks are gone and they’re sure dad ate them. And then when all else fails, I have a drawer.

I was just fuming though about how he buys SO much. Why does he need to stuff the fridge and freezer completely full constantly? Just buy less! We eat everything but I’d like to eat fresh sausage and not freezer sausage. He grocery shops 20+ times a month, Mint tells me that and I track it so I can laugh about it. Sometimes he stops at multiple places on his way home. It’s stressful to me about how stuffed my fridge is.

Hide all your food. Seriously. This is not working for you, and he’s oblivious. Let him buy and eat whatever he wants. You hide your nice apples and beer, and enjoy them.

Pin a grocery list to his shirt when he goes shopping:

NO APPLES

NO BEER

No DRESSING

Anonymous wrote:Is your husband an only child? My father is like this and we think it's partly because he never had to share the good snacks as a child.

Good theory. DH has two siblings, but he's the oldest so maybe he got the good snacks because he was bigger and stronger (and better fed) than the other two.

Is your husband an only child? My father is like this and we think it's partly because he never had to share the good snacks as a child.

Anonymous wrote:This is hilarious. It’s true that many apples are junk! Anybody with tastebuds knows this; DH does. Hide the apples in your car

Share vinaigrette tips/recipe, please?

The keys to the vinaigrette are sherry vinegar and many cloves of crushed garlic. (I'm not kissing DH anytime soon, so I embrace the antibacterial properties of garlic!)

To the sherry and garlic add: a finely chopped shallot, good olive oil, dijon and/or a seedy mustard (not too much), salt, black pepper, basil, ancho chili or something a little spicy, a squeeze of honey or maple syrup, half of a squeezed lemon or so, a tiny bit of water, and whatever else seems good after you sample it.

Hide the good stuff behind the bad stuff. Let him grab a bad apple each day.

I have to hide my food. Not all of it just…some. If I really am looking forward to an apple I hide a few behind the cereal or canned beans because otherwise I know they would be gone. I leave the others out. I also do this with my expensive chocolate bars, my protein bars, I even catch myself pushing my tub of kerrygold at the back of the produce drawer so no one spots it

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I almost feel like this has to be a troll. What person in their right mind buys red delicious apples?

He mumbled "pie" when I asked him why he bought red delicious, but there was no pie. He's just cheap and on auto-pilot 99.9% of the time.

At restaurants normal couples share meals and desserts, but we can't because it becomes an eating race. No, he was not food insecure growing up. He had a stable, UMC upbringing.

I wish I were a troll but we literally just fought over apples. It's almost as if the apples represent something more troubling in our relationship. I don't want to have to hide the good apples in my house!

- OP

Well, when you are married to someone who is inconsiderate, your choices are to either hide some apples for yourself (real and metaphorical), go without apples, or leave. Personally, I can't leave so I hide some and go without some.

This is hilarious. It’s true that many apples are junk! Anybody with tastebuds knows this; DH does. Hide the apples in your car

Share vinaigrette tips/recipe, please?

Don’t buy any more farmers market ales until he’s finished all the 1990s apples. (In the ‘90s all we could ever find were red delicious and Granny Smith in the grocery stores). If he notices they don’t taste as good, tell him to stop buying them.

You’re a good writer, OP, so I can see we are in “A Jury of her Peers” territory here. You don’t want to do any of the time, so I agree with keeping groceries separate.

I have a healthy marriage to a great guy and love my three children equally. But I and two of my kids routinely hide our favorite things from DH and the other kid because there is otherwise no guarantee that we’d get a chance to eat the things we especially like. It’s funny when we realize we’ve used the same hidey holes.

Anonymous wrote:Is it really that difficult to double whatever you make or buy so there’s enough to share?

I tried this, but he just eats double. Sharing is a strange concept to him.

We have an extra fridge in the garage, so I can hide beer, apples, and vinaigrette there until he discovers my secret and eats everything. He's like a starving 14 year-old boy and I'm tired of it.

Put the bad apples in his pillow and in his shoes.

Just buy more bloody apples!