I am on academic sabbatical this year after severe burnout and a new boss who is an idiot (school within a university where they brought in a head who is not an academic and surprise, surprise doesn’t know anything about academics. Then they got him an assistant who is basically a babysitter and the chaos continues.). I have been on leave since may and am also exhausted from raising four kids etc. I am finally starting to feel a bit rested but am wondering how I will go back to the chaos. I had grandiose plans of all I was going to accomplish this year but mostly I have been baking bread and going for walks. Also some knitting.

Anonymous wrote:Aren’t all of you making $300k+ working theee crazy hours? Have a full time nanny drive your kids around and cook, Uber to work every day and rest on the ride, and have cleaners.

Then you are like the living large male executives who just wake up, work and conquer the world, then come home and relax.

$300+ is not that much in today's world after you minus 50% for tax, minus mortgage and tax, minus $100k for 2 kids in private, minus health insurance. No one making $300k has full time nanny and uber to work every day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read a good book this year called tranquility by Tuesday. It’s about saying no, staying organized, sleeping well, working out etc so we’re mentally and physically healthy. You can find a quick summary of it online and see if it’s relevant for you.

I quit a very intense job and everyone thought I was crazy. I did get bored very quickly, but like the PP I also started my own firm and now I absolutely love my schedule. It’s still stressful and I’m an unlikely entrepreneur but overall it was the right decision for me.

I did find that I got bored very quickly as I was used to being so busy. Also that boredom led to anxiety so I had to be deliberate in staying active, working out, socializing etc.
also I had to be vigilant to protect my time from vampires in my family who wanted me to do stuff for them.

Think of this as an exciting next chapter of your life!

How did you figure out you wanted to start your own firm? Did you make a pivot, or are you basically doing what you did before in your daily work, but on your own?

Essentially I stopped working when my boss was replaced and I hated the new guy. I was already thinking about it but this pushed me over the edge. I thought I’d enjoy a lot of down time but I really missed my work just not my boss and all the meetings about meetings. One of my former clients called me and asked if I’d consult for them, it just grew from there and now it’s been 9 years and I have employees and everything on my own terms.

I read Reinventing You by Dorie Clark which I found really interesting and helpful. She recommends the ‘portfolio career’ where you can have a few gigs vs one traditional full time position

this thread has generated several book/workshop recommendations - and they sound like ones that actually impacted change on people, not a vague life coach-y type recommendation. thank you dcum for positive suggestions!

Aren’t all of you making $300k+ working theee crazy hours? Have a full time nanny drive your kids around and cook, Uber to work every day and rest on the ride, and have cleaners.

Then you are like the living large male executives who just wake up, work and conquer the world, then come home and relax.

I've 100% been there. I was really beaten down by a combination of bad business partner, failed partnership dissolution that dragged out nearly 1.5 years among other personal health issues.

At the end of that 1.5 years I emerged needing the energy to reboot my business. I was toast. I took this seminar and was skeptical at the time: https://rajikamahan.com/workshop

But it kicked off what I needed to refind my passion and move forward. I'd recommend starting here first before making drastic measures that, by your account, might leave you more lost than where you started.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read a good book this year called tranquility by Tuesday. It’s about saying no, staying organized, sleeping well, working out etc so we’re mentally and physically healthy. You can find a quick summary of it online and see if it’s relevant for you.

I quit a very intense job and everyone thought I was crazy. I did get bored very quickly, but like the PP I also started my own firm and now I absolutely love my schedule. It’s still stressful and I’m an unlikely entrepreneur but overall it was the right decision for me.

I did find that I got bored very quickly as I was used to being so busy. Also that boredom led to anxiety so I had to be deliberate in staying active, working out, socializing etc.
also I had to be vigilant to protect my time from vampires in my family who wanted me to do stuff for them.

Think of this as an exciting next chapter of your life!

How did you figure out you wanted to start your own firm? Did you make a pivot, or are you basically doing what you did before in your daily work, but on your own?

Essentially I stopped working when my boss was replaced and I hated the new guy. I was already thinking about it but this pushed me over the edge. I thought I’d enjoy a lot of down time but I really missed my work just not my boss and all the meetings about meetings. One of my former clients called me and asked if I’d consult for them, it just grew from there and now it’s been 9 years and I have employees and everything on my own terms.

I read Reinventing You by Dorie Clark which I found really interesting and helpful. She recommends the ‘portfolio career’ where you can have a few gigs vs one traditional full time position

Anonymous wrote:I burned out (3 kids, two big jobs) and have taken more than a year off from work to:

-Rest and exercise
-Do nothing
-Hang out with the kids
-Develop some new interests and make some friends

I'm about 1.5 years out and am starting to work more, but I will never again allow work to consume as much of my time or brain space as it did before. I miss the social and intellectual stimulation or a full time job, but I have to right-size work's place in my life from now on.

What sort of work have you started doing? Did you return to previous work and are just more relaxed about it, or have you found something new?

Anonymous wrote:I read a good book this year called tranquility by Tuesday. It’s about saying no, staying organized, sleeping well, working out etc so we’re mentally and physically healthy. You can find a quick summary of it online and see if it’s relevant for you.

I quit a very intense job and everyone thought I was crazy. I did get bored very quickly, but like the PP I also started my own firm and now I absolutely love my schedule. It’s still stressful and I’m an unlikely entrepreneur but overall it was the right decision for me.

I did find that I got bored very quickly as I was used to being so busy. Also that boredom led to anxiety so I had to be deliberate in staying active, working out, socializing etc.
also I had to be vigilant to protect my time from vampires in my family who wanted me to do stuff for them.

Think of this as an exciting next chapter of your life!

How did you figure out you wanted to start your own firm? Did you make a pivot, or are you basically doing what you did before in your daily work, but on your own?

I didn't even know how burned out I was until I took a several month break. My spouse sold a business and the proceeds enabled me to quit my high paced leadership role earlier this year. The realization that I was burned out came during the first couple of months, as I had no desire to go back to my chosen field, one that I was once passionate about. I'm just now starting to get the itch to return in some capacity, and feel much better as of late. I realize I am fortunate and most can't take this kind of break.

Anonymous wrote:I read a good book this year called tranquility by Tuesday. It’s about saying no, staying organized, sleeping well, working out etc so we’re mentally and physically healthy. You can find a quick summary of it online and see if it’s relevant for you.

I quit a very intense job and everyone thought I was crazy. I did get bored very quickly, but like the PP I also started my own firm and now I absolutely love my schedule. It’s still stressful and I’m an unlikely entrepreneur but overall it was the right decision for me.

I did find that I got bored very quickly as I was used to being so busy. Also that boredom led to anxiety so I had to be deliberate in staying active, working out, socializing etc.
also I had to be vigilant to protect my time from vampires in my family who wanted me to do stuff for them.

Think of this as an exciting next chapter of your life!

Thank you to you and some additional recent PPs for sharing your stories. It does seem like for a few people it did really allow recalibration and moving onto something new and has brought overall greater happiness to your life or job.

I read a good book this year called tranquility by Tuesday. It’s about saying no, staying organized, sleeping well, working out etc so we’re mentally and physically healthy. You can find a quick summary of it online and see if it’s relevant for you.

I quit a very intense job and everyone thought I was crazy. I did get bored very quickly, but like the PP I also started my own firm and now I absolutely love my schedule. It’s still stressful and I’m an unlikely entrepreneur but overall it was the right decision for me.

I did find that I got bored very quickly as I was used to being so busy. Also that boredom led to anxiety so I had to be deliberate in staying active, working out, socializing etc.
also I had to be vigilant to protect my time from vampires in my family who wanted me to do stuff for them.

Think of this as an exciting next chapter of your life!

I have been in horrible situations where no amount of leave would help and I just quit and moved on.

Alternatively, I am now in a position I love, but that is often grueling. Long hours, travel, lots of social events... just things that lead to exhaustion over time. I have no desire to leave this job and it has a lot of flexibility in quiet times, so I do three things:

1. Daily (whenever possible) - exercise, time to restore myself, making sure I am taking care of my physical and mental health through exercise, hydration, nourishing meals, good sleep...

2. Periodically (every 4-8 weeks) - a mental health day. I run, get a massage, take a nap, meet a friend for coffee... I also unplug on vacation.

3. When I get really burned out, I take periods of stepping back. Not quite quitting, but taking true stock of what NEEDS to be done and what is extra. And then I give myself a bit of a break from running on fumes.

I burned out (3 kids, two big jobs) and have taken more than a year off from work to:

-Rest and exercise
-Do nothing
-Hang out with the kids
-Develop some new interests and make some friends

I'm about 1.5 years out and am starting to work more, but I will never again allow work to consume as much of my time or brain space as it did before. I miss the social and intellectual stimulation or a full time job, but I have to right-size work's place in my life from now on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you took a leave, do you have kid/home responsibilities that would prevent you from really resting and reflecting about what you want to do? That would make a big difference.

When I felt like you, I took a new job with way less responsibility (and a $50k pay cut). I lasted a year. It wasn't the solution. I think a real leave of absence would have been better.

Well, there is certainly more I would feel compelled to do at home. But kids are elementary age and we would not alter our after-school childcare arrangements so theoretically all the time I've been putting into work would be freed up.

NP. This is a big issue for us, too. I'm working to pay for childcare and all of the activities,so taking a pay cut would not be an option. It's not like we can just cut many of these activities easily. Unlike when many of us were kids, they all require contracts and commitments. Once you're in with the music program, you're in for the long-haul. The days of handing the violin teacher a $10 bill are long over.

It would be wonderful if we could move towards six weeks of vacation in this country as they have over in Europe, but we're just not there culturally. That would address burnout for a lot of us.

Many of us are kind of on this treadmill for the next several years and headed for burnout (unless you have reliable live-in or nearby set of grandparents who have nothing else to do but chauffeur the kids all over town.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you took a leave, do you have kid/home responsibilities that would prevent you from really resting and reflecting about what you want to do? That would make a big difference.

When I felt like you, I took a new job with way less responsibility (and a $50k pay cut). I lasted a year. It wasn't the solution. I think a real leave of absence would have been better.

Well, there is certainly more I would feel compelled to do at home. But kids are elementary age and we would not alter our after-school childcare arrangements so theoretically all the time I've been putting into work would be freed up.

NP. This is a big issue for us, too. I'm working to pay for childcare and all of the activities,so taking a pay cut would not be an option. It's not like we can just cut many of these activities easily. Unlike when many of us were kids, they all require contracts and commitments. Once you're in with the music program, you're in for the long-haul. The days of handing the violin teacher a $10 bill are long over.

It would be wonderful if we could move towards six weeks of vacation in this country as they have over in Europe, but we're just not there culturally. That would address burnout for a lot of us.