We were both deployed in Afghanistan when we met. He was special OP’s and I got to see him under terrible stress and living in miserable conditions. I can’t say that that made us compatible but I knew he could handle whatever he faced.

Dated him for 5 years before marriage. Still together after 20 years. I didn’t have a checklist, I just liked him.

Anonymous wrote:We spent 8 weeks bumming our way through Europe sleeping outdoors, in hostels, and on trains. Being together 24/7 in some pretty dumpy places was a pretty good test of our compatibility.

I honestly think everyone should do this - if you are high maintenance, better to find out sooner than later.

Anonymous wrote:How do you know you are compatible with someone you are looking to marry?

I ruled out personalities I would not do well with - such as lawyers.

I didn’t. We got married too quickly.

Turned out that we didn’t handle disagreements well. At all. It took a long time and some therapy to figure that out.

But it’s been fifteen years now and we’re going strong. The first couple years were somewhat emotionally painful but I’m happy we stuck it out.

We were really good friends for a few years and then fate connected us at a wedding when I needed a plus 1. That was a lifetime ago and I’m still very happy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We spent 8 weeks bumming our way through Europe sleeping outdoors, in hostels, and on trains. Being together 24/7 in some pretty dumpy places was a pretty good test of our compatibility.

This isn't the same kind of compatibility with finances, jobs, where you want to live, how many kids and how to raise them, etc...

Agree, but you won’t find out about those things early on. Eight weeks full time in dumpy places is a great test of can you handle crappy situations. Love is blind, but eight weeks in a dumpster is an eye opener.

Well first, I got out my assessment clipboard and checked my printed list of compatibility requirements. /s

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We spent 8 weeks bumming our way through Europe sleeping outdoors, in hostels, and on trains. Being together 24/7 in some pretty dumpy places was a pretty good test of our compatibility.

This isn't the same kind of compatibility with finances, jobs, where you want to live, how many kids and how to raise them, etc...

But you can’t predict what curveball life will throw at you. You may think you want X kids, but then infertility happens. You may think you know where you want to live, but then a once in a lifetime job offer comes to your spouse. Etc, etc. In order to survive, you marriage has to be able to navigate these and roll with the punches.

Anonymous wrote:We spent 8 weeks bumming our way through Europe sleeping outdoors, in hostels, and on trains. Being together 24/7 in some pretty dumpy places was a pretty good test of our compatibility.

This isn't the same kind of compatibility with finances, jobs, where you want to live, how many kids and how to raise them, etc...

It was pretty clear after dating for a bit that she was loyal and competent. That provides a good base for building the rest of the relationship.

Also, neither of us is religious; and, while there were some political differences initially, they weren't too dramatic.

We spent 8 weeks bumming our way through Europe sleeping outdoors, in hostels, and on trains. Being together 24/7 in some pretty dumpy places was a pretty good test of our compatibility.

We spent a year living together as friends and roommates before we started dating. Once I knew he was a kind, funny, smart, hardworking guy who had a lot of the same interests I did, it was a no-brainer.

Had to be funny, very smart and very hard working. That eliminates most options.