Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it was a victim of Domestic Violence - absolutely.

I really detest people who avoid victims of DV because they fear that their safety will be in jeopardy if they have anything to do w/the victim.

I remember when I was in a DV situation - I had actual friends who refused to even hang out w/me during that time which hurt me so much.

Mostly because it was a time when I really needed a support system and felt like they had let me down. 😞
I even had a restraining order in place against my ex but “friends” were still afraid.

The loneliness + isolation was just another way my abuser was able to gain control it seemed.

I hate victim blaming and shaming…..

Right after leaving is the most dangerous time. If it was enough that you were able to get a restraining order, then you should understand that your friends were afraid. A restraining order isn't going to stop anyone who really wants to harm someone. It's a piece of paper.

Unless the person is someone I feel I’d have a duty to support if they couldn’t support themself (think parent), I think I’m in the camp of “help them but not in my house.”

Anonymous wrote:They need to go to a shelter asap. The police can refer them to one in their area.

Have you ever been inside a shelter, let alone been housed in one?

Anonymous wrote:I’d pay for an extended-stay hotel. I am too protective of my kids. And PPs, restraining orders can be ineffective and it made sense that your friends were frightened. I would be too. But it would have nothing to do with blaming you for anything.

+1 For a very close relative or friend, I would offer cash to help them start fresh. They would need to get a job etc., so a one-time gift to help out for the first month or two for someone who I trusted to use the money to become independent. But I wouldn't risk the safety of my own family, nor would I throw away money on someone likely to just end up right back in the same place. I have a cousin who's an addict. There's no way I'd ever give him money because he'll never stay clean and sober.

OP, do you trust this person to truly try to create a better life? If so, then give them a one-time cash gift if you can afford it. Don't get entangled with co-signing anything. Just straight cash for them to use and isn't traceable back to you.

I’d pay for an extended-stay hotel. I am too protective of my kids. And PPs, restraining orders can be ineffective and it made sense that your friends were frightened. I would be too. But it would have nothing to do with blaming you for anything.

I’d offer my beach house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it was a victim of Domestic Violence - absolutely.

I really detest people who avoid victims of DV because they fear that their safety will be in jeopardy if they have anything to do w/the victim.

I remember when I was in a DV situation - I had actual friends who refused to even hang out w/me during that time which hurt me so much.

Mostly because it was a time when I really needed a support system and felt like they had let me down. 😞
I even had a restraining order in place against my ex but “friends” were still afraid.

The loneliness + isolation was just another way my abuser was able to gain control it seemed.

I hate victim blaming and shaming…..

Right after leaving is the most dangerous time. If it was enough that you were able to get a restraining order, then you should understand that your friends were afraid. A restraining order isn't going to stop anyone who really wants to harm someone. It's a piece of paper.

I partly agree w/you that yes, a restraining order IS a piece of paper.

However I feel it can also be used as a huge deterrent for someone who is harassing + stalking someone.

The threat of spending time in jail as well as having a criminal record can be enough for most people to think twice before doing something egregious toward another.

Sure, there are certain people that DO violate these orders - but keep in mind these people are very far & few between.

The vast majority of people that are granted restraining orders usually find them very helpful in protecting them from further intrusion and are able to go on w/their own lives.

These orders are designed for this.

Personally I could never turn my back on a friend who was leaving a domestic violence relationship.
A good friend just would not do this.

Like the cliche goes >> it is when you are down in life that you find out exactly who your true friends are.

Depends on how far away they live. The next town over or less than an hour away? Would not want to chance it, but would help them find a place to live.

Located hours or a plane ride away? Sure, if I could trust them not to post their whereabouts on social media or give info to friends.

They need to go to a shelter asap. The police can refer them to one in their area.

Anonymous wrote:If it was a victim of Domestic Violence - absolutely.

I really detest people who avoid victims of DV because they fear that their safety will be in jeopardy if they have anything to do w/the victim.

I remember when I was in a DV situation - I had actual friends who refused to even hang out w/me during that time which hurt me so much.

Mostly because it was a time when I really needed a support system and felt like they had let me down. 😞
I even had a restraining order in place against my ex but “friends” were still afraid.

The loneliness + isolation was just another way my abuser was able to gain control it seemed.

I hate victim blaming and shaming…..

Right after leaving is the most dangerous time. If it was enough that you were able to get a restraining order, then you should understand that your friends were afraid. A restraining order isn't going to stop anyone who really wants to harm someone. It's a piece of paper.

Anonymous wrote:Feel same as pp. My step-BIL got in an argument and had a light beating with a gang member after gang member’s kid threatened his daughter after she broke up w his daughter. They came to stay with my dad in next town over and people kept cruising by the house. We were terrified and upset that they’d moved in. Fortunately it turned out to just be intimidation, but I have no doubt it could have been much, much worse.

One of them told everybody where they were. In that case they should’ve stayed home. I certainly would’ve sent them both back.

Anonymous wrote:Or would you be afraid that it would bring trouble to your doorstep and endanger your family/yourself?

I would probably help them find a shelter or help pay for an extended stay apartment or to seek legal help. I'm a private and paranoid person so letting anyone invade and endanger my family and sanctuary would be literally traumatic for me.

I would but I’d need to talk over security first.

If it was a victim of Domestic Violence - absolutely.

I really detest people who avoid victims of DV because they fear that their safety will be in jeopardy if they have anything to do w/the victim.

I remember when I was in a DV situation - I had actual friends who refused to even hang out w/me during that time which hurt me so much.

Mostly because it was a time when I really needed a support system and felt like they had let me down. 😞
I even had a restraining order in place against my ex but “friends” were still afraid.

The loneliness + isolation was just another way my abuser was able to gain control it seemed.

I hate victim blaming and shaming…..

Be wary of what the threat to life is over, because zebras don’t change their stripes.