Anonymous
Post 12/02/2023 12:52     Subject: Go for a 4th when you are 40 years old?
OP, I’m in same boat. Just turned 40, and still think about going for that 4th. I’ve always wanted 4, but have put off trying for little reasons the past few years. My gut says just stick with 3, but I can’t seem to stop daydreaming about a 4th to complete our family. I think the biggest thing stopping me now is age. Do I really want to be 46 when my kid starts kindergarten? Also, resetting the clock again on travel and other things that are hard to do with little ones.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2023 09:21     Subject: Re:Go for a 4th when you are 40 years old?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op - thanks for all the replies. I am still on the fence but might bring it up to DH. We have the money for it but not sure I can imagine being 60 with a 20 year old! My parents are 68 and I am 40!

I wish we started having kids younger. Then I would definitely have had 4.


You had one at 37? How is having a 20 year old at 60 much different than having a 23 year old at 60? You were already an old mom right


Op - I had my last one at 36. But yes you are probably right. I am an old mom!
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2023 09:18     Subject: Re:Go for a 4th when you are 40 years old?
Anonymous wrote:Op - thanks for all the replies. I am still on the fence but might bring it up to DH. We have the money for it but not sure I can imagine being 60 with a 20 year old! My parents are 68 and I am 40!

I wish we started having kids younger. Then I would definitely have had 4.


You had one at 37? How is having a 20 year old at 60 much different than having a 23 year old at 60? You were already an old mom right
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2023 08:58     Subject: Re:Go for a 4th when you are 40 years old?
Op - thanks for all the replies. I am still on the fence but might bring it up to DH. We have the money for it but not sure I can imagine being 60 with a 20 year old! My parents are 68 and I am 40!

I wish we started having kids younger. Then I would definitely have had 4.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2023 18:35     Subject: Go for a 4th when you are 40 years old?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I never understood the “our family doesn’t feel complete” thing. What exactly does that feel like? Do you get some sort of sign? Did I get a sign that told me “two is plenty!” and I just don’t remember?

The only person I knew IRL who said this has 5 kids. Is this something people say to rationalize having more kids?


Emptiness. Your kid is lonely. You want to be with a baby again. You have extra space in the house. The house is too quiet and sterile and needs to be filled with laughter, family and the fun of an additional kid.


Nope, life is what you make of it, and nothing is a guarantee. We have an only not by choice and it felt lonely and empty and like there was too much space while we were actively trying, then grieving. But that’s not a permanent and you fill your house and life with love and activity, whether you have one child or four. If not, that’s on YOU, not the children or lack there of.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2023 18:22     Subject: Re:Go for a 4th when you are 40 years old?
If you’re asking then this, then go for it!

We have three “big” kids roughly your kids ages plus a baby and it is great.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2023 18:07     Subject: Go for a 4th when you are 40 years old?
Anonymous wrote:I never understood the “our family doesn’t feel complete” thing. What exactly does that feel like? Do you get some sort of sign? Did I get a sign that told me “two is plenty!” and I just don’t remember?

The only person I knew IRL who said this has 5 kids. Is this something people say to rationalize having more kids?[/quote

I've never understood this, either.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2023 18:07     Subject: Re:Go for a 4th when you are 40 years old?
I have two and wish I had more. Go for it!
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2023 17:40     Subject: Go for a 4th when you are 40 years old?
I would if I were you. Plenty of women have babies at 40, and big families can be wonderful. If you feel called to have another, you should.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2023 17:12     Subject: Go for a 4th when you are 40 years old?
Anonymous wrote:I never understood the “our family doesn’t feel complete” thing. What exactly does that feel like? Do you get some sort of sign? Did I get a sign that told me “two is plenty!” and I just don’t remember?

The only person I knew IRL who said this has 5 kids. Is this something people say to rationalize having more kids?


Not OP, but I had this feeling until I had my 3rd and then I was done. I feel like it’s not so much that your family is not complete, but rather that you can handle and want one more. My third is almost 5 and I have never wanted another since the day he was born. I am 39 and I highly doubt I will change my mind. I could not handle more, my plate is full.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2023 17:06     Subject: Re:Go for a 4th when you are 40 years old?
I’m surprised at all the naysayers. If OP has the resources and fertility to have a 4th, why not? Many people, especially in this area, do have the resources to easily have a 4th or 5th in their early 40’s. Y’all sound poor.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2023 16:49     Subject: Go for a 4th when you are 40 years old?
Focus on the three kids you have.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2023 16:48     Subject: Go for a 4th when you are 40 years old?
Anonymous wrote:I know so many people who had a healthy and beloved 4th or 5th kid in their early or mid 40s.


That’s just the beginning though. Imagine you are sixty and juggling teen demands like driver’s ed and SAT prep classes and dance and sports or band practice. Now throw in teen drama like mood swings, alcohol or sex. That’s tiring for any parent even one in his/her 40s! That’s tiring for any parent much less one with four!
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2023 16:36     Subject: Go for a 4th when you are 40 years old?
No. My personal deadline was age 35, and I stuck to that (3 kids).
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2023 16:34     Subject: Re:Go for a 4th when you are 40 years old?
I have 4. I say do whatever you want, it's your life and family!