I am sorry your are dealing with this. She is safe and okay right now. Pay the bill. No decision needs to be made about the car for September of next year now. Try to engage with her over Christmas break on how she is really doing and see if that can lead into a conversation about what really happened. I would drop it until then -- no need to be the source of drama and strife for her and a reason she doesn't focus on studying for finals. Good luck.

I would not bring the bill into the punishment in any way. I'd say the co-pay bill is paid, no question asked, but the car doesn't return to school unless she is more transparent with you about what happened.

Health care shouldn't be a privilege and you don't want her to avoid going to the ER in the future. The car on the other hand is a privilege and you can treat it that way.

What am I not getting here?.... What does partying too hard have to do with having a car on campus? Are you saying that she had poor judgment (possibly or possibly she was just roofied) in this one situation and therefore would have poor judgment about having and using her own car? Like, she wouldn't know when Not to take the car to a party, or wouldn't leave the car at the party if she partied hard and opt for an uber back to her campus?

My DD would have called me immediately if she landed in the ER. And if she wasn't coherent, her 2 besties and or her bf would have called. They know it's safe enough, they've reached out in the past, not for an ER visit but when they were worried about her.

You can be angry and intolerant all you want OP, but if this situation were to happen again, (or god forbid, worse) what would you want your DD to feel capable of doing? Personally, I'd want my child to know they can reach out, as opposed to feeling like they have to hide anything from me. And I'd work on getting that message across as opposed to the take down, shut down approach you are taking.

i do find it odd that she wouldn't have told you. My DD would have called me the minute she was coherent enough to do so.

Anonymous wrote:the itemization on the bill should tell you what she was hospitalized for.

There is no itemization. Just a total. And I can't request one because she's an adult.

guarantee it was alcohol poisoning and you need to pay it. But you need to talk to her about it and explain that if she is in the ER, she needs to contact you as the person who will be paying the bill at the very least.

Anonymous wrote:This is what passive and permission parenting looks like. OPs kids is a liar and manipulator and apparently has been for awhile and OP is still letting her bring a car to campus. Keep pressing OP and I bet your daughter is the type to name some guy not even involved so that you keep believing her lie.

You can just shut up. You have no idea how I parented her, glassbowl.

She doesn't currently have a car on campus. She wants one next year. I had said I would consider it because it would actually be convenient for ME for her to have one. But this incident is giving me pause.

Pay the bill but talk to her about how concerned you are about what happened and how if she ever goes to the hospital she has to inform you as soon as possible so you can help.

the itemization on the bill should tell you what she was hospitalized for.

I'd pay the bill and move on - because you want her to seek medical help when needed. If it happens again, then you have a family discussion about safety strategies (cover all aspects - roofie/spiked and self-inflicted) and express concern.

She has to lie because you massively overreact.

This is what passive and permission parenting looks like. OPs kids is a liar and manipulator and apparently has been for awhile and OP is still letting her bring a car to campus. Keep pressing OP and I bet your daughter is the type to name some guy not even involved so that you keep believing her lie.

I wouldn’t disbelieve her. In my line of work, unfortunately I hear of many young women being roofied. They can react differently to the drugs

I don't understand your mindset at all. She was in trouble and she went for medical help. That's good. Pay the $120 and then try to have open and honest conversations with her.

Stop trying to play detective or looking for lies.

Why would you let her take the car even if she's telling the truth? Everything else you say about her clearly indicates she isn't mature enough for that.