I'm a therapist.

Some people have problems that do not benefit, longterm, by talking about them. It sounds like, for you, identifying your rumination as rumination rather than "helpful problem-solving thoughts" was the first part of the change, and then actually challenging the ruminations by laughing at them or whatever else you have done, was the second part of the change.

I have several clients who are in the same part of the change process as you, and I agree, a lot of the time, continuing to discuss isn't always helpful. I had 3 clients this week drop down from weekly to every other week because what they need is to live their lives with new perspectives and skills and see if it changes how they feel about themselves and their lives.

One thing I have noticed is that for people that don't experience longterm change, it can be helpful to go back to the same therapist you worked with before, assuming that you still like them, because you can kind of stay in the same change process. You're evaluating what you tried, what worked, what didn't, what else to try, etc.

I'm glad you got the things you got and am glad that you were able to see when taking a step back was the right therapeutic move.

Anonymous wrote:DCUM and many people are quick to always recommend therapy for everyone for everything. I don’t always think it helps. Maybe the PP is right and it feels bad because you are working through things. Or maybe you had a bad therapist dwelling on the past when it’s healthier for you to just move on.

I’ve tried many therapists over the years found it time consuming and stressful or just annoying. I’ve gotten better advice on here from strangers and felt much better repeating some of their words and then going about my day.

This sounds similar to my experience. I've found talking things through with close friends or other people dealing with similar things who are online, much more helpful to me than therapists. I think part of the problem with therapy is it is diagnosis based and therapist have specific training based on diagnosis. So they’re trying to diagnose you with problem x which requires treatment y. I think this can be effective for many things, but if you don't fit into one of the diagnosis boxes I think a lot of therapists don't have the flexibility in thinking to help you.

Anonymous wrote:I have a possible explanation, but not one you will like.

Therapy can be painful partly because it involves working through psychological injury. It’s like PT for the brain.

What you are doing right now may be the psychological equivalent of deciding to quit a normal life activity like walking to avoid the pain of PT.

Brushing things off can reflect healthy boundaries—it can also reflect great skill at dissociation, which is not a healthy thing.

Maybe not. Time will tell.

Very well said, and I agree. I have personally found this to be true.

It may be that your therapist was not a good fit for you and it’s a relief to be away.

It may be that you learned new skills that you are now applying.

Or, it could be the classic “flight into health.” This is a well-known defense mechanism. Someone goes to therapy and when they actually start facing some of their real issues it is too scary. So they convince themselves that they are actually fine and that they do not need to do therapy anymore. Google “flight into health” and see if it resonates at all. I ended therapy once this way and in retrospect it was a mistake. But at the same time the therapist probably also wasn’t the greatest fit for me.

Anonymous wrote:Bad therapist or bad fit.

Don't overthink it.

This.

My DD felt bad, grouchy, more withdrawn and anxiety seemed worse after her therapy sessions. However after her hour session once a month with her psychiatrist she always came out upbeat and seemed happier. I asked the therapist about this and she said oh that’s normal, she’s really flat and I’m trying to draw out her emotions.

So I asked her psychiatrist who said no that’s not normal and suggested finding a different therapist. We tried another one that was in insurance, young, and did talk therapy. She wasn’t upset like before but she said it didn’t do anything. Third switch was to a highly recommended but sadly not in insurance therapist that does DBT in an individual and group session program. Wow, huge difference. DD really likes it and it has made a positive difference in her managing her challenges.

The problem with therapy is that there is no standard of care as there is with other medical professions. Schools pump out tons of psychology majors and it’s one of the easiest majors. There are a lot of well meaning dumb dumbs providing therapy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Idk OP it kind of sounds like it worked?

This.

Therapy is helpful for those who need someone to listen and/or steer them in the right direction.

At some point, the goal is to be equipped to navigate life without needing therapy…and a big part of that is no longer dwelling on the past and letting it define you.

The bolded. You're doing better, overall, since you went to therapy? Even though you're no longer attending? Great. That's the whole point. Ethical therapists do not want people to stay in therapy longer than is beneficial for them. You did the work, now enjoy the benefits.

Your therapist has taught you how to cope and now you are using those tools.

Anonymous wrote:When therapy was first created, it way supposed to be short term, a couple weeks at most or maybe just 1-2 sessions. Learn to recognize triggers, recognize and work through trauma, learn appropriate responses, etc. then move on. It wasn't supposed to be long term and wasn't supposed to be about dwelling on issues. Just fix the problem and move on.

You have recognized your problems, learned better responses. Maybe it's time for you to move on.

Interesting. I've been to therapy a few times in my life and I've never gone more than about 10 times to deal with whatever issue I was having, then I stopped. When new issues arise I will go back for a few sessions.

I think, because people wait decades to deal with their issues, it takes longer to deal with all of it.

If you waited to go to an orthopedic after multiple injuries, it would take longer to heal and you'd need more than 1 dr appointment. If you go after you break your arm, and fix it, then go again when you pull you back, and fix that... then you don't have months and months of PT.

Anonymous wrote:Therapy is hard. It brings up tough feelings. In my experience you might leave a session feeling drained. Over time, this gets better. But quitting because it's hard, then thinking things are better now that you aren't facing the hard stuff sounds like denial.

Agree with pp, but if op has coping mechanism which help and don't hurt anyone, is eating and sleeping well, is not abusing substances, self or others, then more power to them. Therapy is hard, introspection and facing trauma or issues is hard. If you're okay, why bother with therapy?

Bad therapist or bad fit.

Don't overthink it.

Therapy is hard. It brings up tough feelings. In my experience you might leave a session feeling drained. Over time, this gets better. But quitting because it's hard, then thinking things are better now that you aren't facing the hard stuff sounds like denial.

Anonymous wrote:Idk OP it kind of sounds like it worked?

This.

Therapy is helpful for those who need someone to listen and/or steer them in the right direction.

At some point, the goal is to be equipped to navigate life without needing therapy…and a big part of that is no longer dwelling on the past and letting it define you.