Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh. Can you put a level on this?
1) Attraction - normal, human
2) Crush - normal, human
3) Full-blown distracting infatuation - happens but def means you need to throw yourself into your marriage and be careful around this person. It will pass, btw.

+1 here. If you have a crush that’s normal. As long as you forget about the person when they’re not around and you don’t chat “off hours” when you’re not at work.

How do you just turn it off?

This depends highly on your level of involvement thus far and how deep the feelings go between the two of you. If you're at DEFCON 3 as PP said above then you're going to have a lot of work to do to break away from him. Bad news: it can linger even if you break all contact for long while.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh. Can you put a level on this?
1) Attraction - normal, human
2) Crush - normal, human
3) Full-blown distracting infatuation - happens but def means you need to throw yourself into your marriage and be careful around this person. It will pass, btw.

+1 here. If you have a crush that’s normal. As long as you forget about the person when they’re not around and you don’t chat “off hours” when you’re not at work.

How do you just turn it off?

Anonymous wrote:Divorce immediately

This is the way

Anonymous wrote:Eh. Can you put a level on this?
1) Attraction - normal, human
2) Crush - normal, human
3) Full-blown distracting infatuation - happens but def means you need to throw yourself into your marriage and be careful around this person. It will pass, btw.

+1 here. If you have a crush that’s normal. As long as you forget about the person when they’re not around and you don’t chat “off hours” when you’re not at work.

don’t be a cake eater op. you want your marriage and your work crush. pick one.

you don’t get both.

If you truly value your marriage you set up the internal boundary to prevent yourself from creating a situation where deep feelings can develop. That’s why I think people who have affairs aren’t truly happily married. You don’t just fall for someone else…you allow yourself to be in situations that facilitate falling in love. Said from personal experience.

Eh. Can you put a level on this?
1) Attraction - normal, human
2) Crush - normal, human
3) Full-blown distracting infatuation - happens but def means you need to throw yourself into your marriage and be careful around this person. It will pass, btw.

My NEW Years resolution for 2024 is to not indulge in fattening foods as long as I don't like them.

If I like them, I am allowed to have as much as I want. It's fully justified and doesn't count as cheating on my diet because they are so gosh darn yummy.

I have no obligation to keep my resolution if it is difficult to do so.

All humans notice attractive people, at least people attractive to them. All humans like people they vibe with, regardless of gender.

Being married means you won’t act on those attractions because you entered into a romantic, legal, and financial partnership with one person. You were aware that marriage means that, right?

Your choice is to either stay committed to your marriage or act upon your attraction. It is not fair to your spouse to stay married and begin a relationship with a person behind their back. So if you choose to act upon your attraction, ask for a divorce and let your spouse find a partner that is attracted to them only. They didn’t get married to be in an open marriage that they aren’t even aware is open.

If you have sex with this person, you are exposing your spouse to stis and stds without their consent. It’s morally and ethically wrong to do that. They deserve to have their health risks known to them, and to be able to agree to take risks in that way. They don’t deserve to be subjected to whatever risks you are willing to take without even being aware they are in such a situation.

People fall out of love and change, that’s the human condition. Your spouse deserves the same chance to make choices about their life that you want.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happily married with kids for 16 years and find myself attracted to a married coworker. Why is this happening?

Its not about feeling attracted to someone but about removing yourself from any possible situations which may lead you to be emotionally or physically unfaithful.

Difficult to fight my feelings

Then you have flawed morals and need to work on yourself to be a better person, a better spouse, a better colleague and a better parent.

Gee, what do you think fidelity and commitment actually mean? That you only have to be faithful when you are NOT attracted to someone else?

JFC what is it? Stupidity, naiivity, or just straight up narcissism?

Do you think a diet only excludes food that you don't like to eat?

Dumbasses.

Anonymous wrote:Because you are bored. It's not a referendum on your marriage. You need to be careful and not doing anything stupid or go in deep with your feelings. It will pass if you don't feed the beast and end up destroying your family, his family and your career.

This is hard, right? Because it draws you in like a drug and you keeping coming back for more until...you don't. There's only two possible endings here and the good news is you get to choose.

Because you are bored. It's not a referendum on your marriage. You need to be careful and not doing anything stupid or go in deep with your feelings. It will pass if you don't feed the beast and end up destroying your family, his family and your career.

Anonymous wrote:Is this coworker giving you attention, building up your ego? Do you find yourself finding ways to be around them and talk to them?

If the answer is yes, then back away far and fast. You’ll find yourself in an EA that makes matters much worse.

Avoid at all costs if you care about your marriage and want to keep your family intact.

This.

Every single time that has happened with me, it is because I was feeling neglected by my spouse, even if I wasn’t always so self aware. That bit of wisdom brought to you by 1.7k of mainstream therapy. If that’s outside of your budget, Ester Perel discusses this ad nauseum on podcasts and Ted talks.