Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If friends and community are not her thing, will she go for having a caregiver? In theory, a single person she gets to know and trust would be a solid choice but then again, a residential setting would ease a burden on you. You really need to talk to her about it.

+1. My mother is like this. The reason why AL would likely be pronlematic for my mom is the same reason a one-on-one caregiver would be. She is uncomfortable around others, which becomes nasty around others. Also, I'm the only one she finds acceptable (read: comfortable) being in her house.

Fortunately we're not quite at the point of having to make that choice, but it right around the corner.

OP, you already sound stressed. Explore options that would be easier on you.

I think the solution to this is “exposure therapy” of some sort. She will not like it and she will have a fit. But the alternative is that your life as you know it will be over until she dies.

She will hopefully get used to being cared for by a few additional people but only after she has a complete meltdown and makes everyone miserable for a few weeks. Just expect that stage and don’t budge.

These are wise words. Aging in place with someone like this will make your life a living hell and you will NOT make her happy. I am living it. Yes, she will tell you she is miserable at AL, but 1 friend, 1 connection can be life changing and being forced to use social skills is crucial for the brain. Interacting with you and will paid caregivers is not helping brain development if she feels like she is charge and do as she pleases. She has to be pushed to use those social skills and her peers won't put up with BS the way family and paid caregivers may. She needs to be uncomfortable to finally develop a life that does not revolve around you. You have been warned. My mother is livid on a regular basis that I has to pull back for my health. She wastes her days obsessing, feeling angry, watching TV and only interacting with those paid to deal with her. Her world is way too small and at this point her physical health is better than mine. A mentally unhealthy elder will eat their young if allowed. Do not enable her to remain emotionally disabled.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If friends and community are not her thing, will she go for having a caregiver? In theory, a single person she gets to know and trust would be a solid choice but then again, a residential setting would ease a burden on you. You really need to talk to her about it.

+1. My mother is like this. The reason why AL would likely be pronlematic for my mom is the same reason a one-on-one caregiver would be. She is uncomfortable around others, which becomes nasty around others. Also, I'm the only one she finds acceptable (read: comfortable) being in her house.

Fortunately we're not quite at the point of having to make that choice, but it right around the corner.

OP, you already sound stressed. Explore options that would be easier on you.

I think the solution to this is “exposure therapy” of some sort. She will not like it and she will have a fit. But the alternative is that your life as you know it will be over until she dies.

She will hopefully get used to being cared for by a few additional people but only after she has a complete meltdown and makes everyone miserable for a few weeks. Just expect that stage and don’t budge.