Can you help her apply for social security disability benefits? The hardest part about having a mentally ill family member is stressing about their health and finances.

I have a lot of mentally ill family members and for the most part, I keep my distance. I don’t get involved in their problems. It’s hard, like when my bipolar sister had her baby removed from her care because she was unable to take care of the baby and I refused to take the baby in. It felt cruel but I knew that I would be signing up for more than I could handle. And when I get crazy text messages I just shrug and move on. But we have pretty good relationships via text messages and visits maybe once every two years. Also, their problems That feel like emergencies are shockingly transient. I used to get so worried about them and I thought they couldn’t survive without me, but surprise! They can!

Sorry, I had to set boundaries with my mother not to share with her because good news upset her so much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Brother in his 70s with non-treated bipolar. History of drug use and other addictive behaviors. Chain smoker.

He does not go into the violent rages he used to when he was young (punching holes in walls, screaming, smashing things in the house, etc.) and is overall much calmer. He is easier to communicate with, since he doesn't fly off the handle so easily. Still VERY sensitive to any kind of criticism, though. That is when you'll typically see the hostility in him surface.

From a practical perspective, he is essentially a teenager in his capabilities. He can maintain his own place to a reasonable degree, but has to be supported financially because his SS does not cover all his expenses. I knew this was going to happen so I budgeted/saved accordingly since I knew I'd have to help him out. Before I did, he spent some time homeless.

It's never easy. But when he's good, he's very good. He is one of the few people in my life who I know loves me unconditionally. If he had the capability and capacity, I'd know he'd do anything for me.

I am the previous poster and I really appreciated this post. It is nice to read that some people have a better experience and the sibling gets calmer with age. Gives me a little hope that somehow things will get better since they got worse. I love that you feel this bond with your brother and you know he loves you unconditionally. My sister is only capable of having any positive emotions toward me when medicated. Unmediated she is obsessed with me and not in a good way and I share nothing about my life.

How is she obsessed with you?

I think my sibling is obsessed with me and I never heard anyone else say the same before!

She had to set boundaries with my mother not to share anything with her. She would ask about me in detail when I distanced more. Any good news sent her into a depression. When I tried to be in her life more she flat out blamed me for anything wrong. Keep in mind, she is the older sister, we were never close and her "sibling rivalry" crossed into emotional/psychological abuse and was NOT normal. We never actually had a relationship and any communications I initiated were things like sending a birthday card and wishing her well. Any time she tried to start a fight with me, I changed subject and found a way out. I used to get sucked into the endless dramas and give her empathy, but I finally realized it was enabling and nothing would improve if she didn't get professional help. Before I distanced at family events I would catch her staring at me and watching me and my children in a creepy enough way others commented including my husband. I've had cousins express their discomfort about how she tries to get information about me. I don't mention her or ask about her. I wish her well, but every thing in her life evolves into drama, chaos, blaming, histrionics and RAGE. When medicated she truly is a different person including the obsessiveness-totally gone. She doesn't scare me when medicated.

OP here. Thank you to everyone who is sharing. It is helpful.

I concur with the "obsessed with you." My experience is that I've seen situations where my sister has probably a psychosis directed at a particular person.

Also a PP mentioned, "she is quite bright and considers herself the expert on all and others beneath her."
I've seen this a lot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Brother in his 70s with non-treated bipolar. History of drug use and other addictive behaviors. Chain smoker.

He does not go into the violent rages he used to when he was young (punching holes in walls, screaming, smashing things in the house, etc.) and is overall much calmer. He is easier to communicate with, since he doesn't fly off the handle so easily. Still VERY sensitive to any kind of criticism, though. That is when you'll typically see the hostility in him surface.

From a practical perspective, he is essentially a teenager in his capabilities. He can maintain his own place to a reasonable degree, but has to be supported financially because his SS does not cover all his expenses. I knew this was going to happen so I budgeted/saved accordingly since I knew I'd have to help him out. Before I did, he spent some time homeless.

It's never easy. But when he's good, he's very good. He is one of the few people in my life who I know loves me unconditionally. If he had the capability and capacity, I'd know he'd do anything for me.

I am the previous poster and I really appreciated this post. It is nice to read that some people have a better experience and the sibling gets calmer with age. Gives me a little hope that somehow things will get better since they got worse. I love that you feel this bond with your brother and you know he loves you unconditionally. My sister is only capable of having any positive emotions toward me when medicated. Unmediated she is obsessed with me and not in a good way and I share nothing about my life.

How is she obsessed with you?

I think my sibling is obsessed with me and I never heard anyone else say the same before!

Person with bipolar disorder here. No one is "obsessed" with either of you. That's your own mental illness talking.

I’m a NP but as the SIL of a bipolar person the “sibling is obsessed with me” comment actually rang quite true. I don’t mean obsessed with as in my SIL wants to be me or spends all of her time thinking about me. I mean that when she is in a manic place, all of her negative energy is channeled toward me- my successes become the reasons for all of her failures, and my struggles become a source of joy and fixation for her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Brother in his 70s with non-treated bipolar. History of drug use and other addictive behaviors. Chain smoker.

He does not go into the violent rages he used to when he was young (punching holes in walls, screaming, smashing things in the house, etc.) and is overall much calmer. He is easier to communicate with, since he doesn't fly off the handle so easily. Still VERY sensitive to any kind of criticism, though. That is when you'll typically see the hostility in him surface.

From a practical perspective, he is essentially a teenager in his capabilities. He can maintain his own place to a reasonable degree, but has to be supported financially because his SS does not cover all his expenses. I knew this was going to happen so I budgeted/saved accordingly since I knew I'd have to help him out. Before I did, he spent some time homeless.

It's never easy. But when he's good, he's very good. He is one of the few people in my life who I know loves me unconditionally. If he had the capability and capacity, I'd know he'd do anything for me.

I am the previous poster and I really appreciated this post. It is nice to read that some people have a better experience and the sibling gets calmer with age. Gives me a little hope that somehow things will get better since they got worse. I love that you feel this bond with your brother and you know he loves you unconditionally. My sister is only capable of having any positive emotions toward me when medicated. Unmediated she is obsessed with me and not in a good way and I share nothing about my life.

How is she obsessed with you?

I think my sibling is obsessed with me and I never heard anyone else say the same before!

Person with bipolar disorder here. No one is "obsessed" with either of you. That's your own mental illness talking.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Brother in his 70s with non-treated bipolar. History of drug use and other addictive behaviors. Chain smoker.

He does not go into the violent rages he used to when he was young (punching holes in walls, screaming, smashing things in the house, etc.) and is overall much calmer. He is easier to communicate with, since he doesn't fly off the handle so easily. Still VERY sensitive to any kind of criticism, though. That is when you'll typically see the hostility in him surface.

From a practical perspective, he is essentially a teenager in his capabilities. He can maintain his own place to a reasonable degree, but has to be supported financially because his SS does not cover all his expenses. I knew this was going to happen so I budgeted/saved accordingly since I knew I'd have to help him out. Before I did, he spent some time homeless.

It's never easy. But when he's good, he's very good. He is one of the few people in my life who I know loves me unconditionally. If he had the capability and capacity, I'd know he'd do anything for me.

I am the previous poster and I really appreciated this post. It is nice to read that some people have a better experience and the sibling gets calmer with age. Gives me a little hope that somehow things will get better since they got worse. I love that you feel this bond with your brother and you know he loves you unconditionally. My sister is only capable of having any positive emotions toward me when medicated. Unmediated she is obsessed with me and not in a good way and I share nothing about my life.

How is she obsessed with you?

I think my sibling is obsessed with me and I never heard anyone else say the same before!

Anonymous wrote:My brother is like this, 52, but lives overseas in our parents home country. No wife or kids. Has an inheritance which he has almost squandered, but now has rental income. I pray he will be ok and not burden others. He refuses to return to the US, though he was born here.

Be glad he doesn’t want to return

Probably dead.

She will try to drag you down. Develop your boundaries now.

I am the previous poster and while my sister is only 46 she really does seem to have matured a bit with age. She was about the maturity level of a sixteen year old for decades and now she's moved to about 22, which is huge. Less deciding she won't talk to me for months to years. Less barricading herself in the bathroom at Christmas due to emotional outbursts.

Anonymous wrote:Brother in his 70s with non-treated bipolar. History of drug use and other addictive behaviors. Chain smoker.

He does not go into the violent rages he used to when he was young (punching holes in walls, screaming, smashing things in the house, etc.) and is overall much calmer. He is easier to communicate with, since he doesn't fly off the handle so easily. Still VERY sensitive to any kind of criticism, though. That is when you'll typically see the hostility in him surface.

From a practical perspective, he is essentially a teenager in his capabilities. He can maintain his own place to a reasonable degree, but has to be supported financially because his SS does not cover all his expenses. I knew this was going to happen so I budgeted/saved accordingly since I knew I'd have to help him out. Before I did, he spent some time homeless.

It's never easy. But when he's good, he's very good. He is one of the few people in my life who I know loves me unconditionally. If he had the capability and capacity, I'd know he'd do anything for me.

I am the previous poster and I really appreciated this post. It is nice to read that some people have a better experience and the sibling gets calmer with age. Gives me a little hope that somehow things will get better since they got worse. I love that you feel this bond with your brother and you know he loves you unconditionally. My sister is only capable of having any positive emotions toward me when medicated. Unmediated she is obsessed with me and not in a good way and I share nothing about my life.

Brother in his 70s with non-treated bipolar. History of drug use and other addictive behaviors. Chain smoker.

He does not go into the violent rages he used to when he was young (punching holes in walls, screaming, smashing things in the house, etc.) and is overall much calmer. He is easier to communicate with, since he doesn't fly off the handle so easily. Still VERY sensitive to any kind of criticism, though. That is when you'll typically see the hostility in him surface.

From a practical perspective, he is essentially a teenager in his capabilities. He can maintain his own place to a reasonable degree, but has to be supported financially because his SS does not cover all his expenses. I knew this was going to happen so I budgeted/saved accordingly since I knew I'd have to help him out. Before I did, he spent some time homeless.

It's never easy. But when he's good, he's very good. He is one of the few people in my life who I know loves me unconditionally. If he had the capability and capacity, I'd know he'd do anything for me.

Things can really go off the rails, but often not the point you can get guardianship. The suggestions for NAMI and a therapist are good ones. If she is open to help, that's one thing, but if she isn't, you will likely want support in figuring out your boundaries and how to detach with love.

My sister is a complete train-wreck and she caused enough problems for me personally when she is locked in rage that. Her rock-bottom will be a nightmare because she is quite bright and considers herself the expert on all and others beneath her. The only time she goes back on meds is when she plunges far enough into a deep depression and everyone around her refuses to enable which is tough.

On meds though, she is a different person. She can function well, be kind, manage her rage and vindictiveness, and have reasonable expectations of others. It's sad, because if she had been diagnosed much earlier and had consistently stayed on meds I could have a relationship with her and I think she'd have a while network because she is no much more reasonable medicated.

First of all, I'm sorry to hear that your sister is not medicated. It can make a world of difference.

My sister also has bipolar disorder but is only 46, so I don't know much about aging and this population.

But thanks for asking and I wish you well in your efforts.