I am an autistic adult (mildly so; "Aspie" in the old way of talking about such things) and I generally prefer to have conversations with people in situations where I'm not expected to make eye contact.

Side by side in a car (i.e. one of us is driving), playing a video game together, working out side by side at the gym, etc. -- think "next to", rather than "across from".

My spouse is also autistic, and while we talk a lot to each other, it's not necessarily in the same situations (or about the same topics!) that a neurotypical couple would.

As a family, we often watch TV together and pause when someone has something to say. No one has to make eye contact. We don't expect dinner conversation, necessarily (and it's OK for everyone to bring a book or even a device to a meal), but if anyone feels like saying something, no one is expected to look up nor is there an obligation to respond to anything (although everyone listens).

You neurotypicals are weird.

Anonymous wrote:DH and DS have autism and dinner is terrible. DH doesn’t know how to make conversation so just spends all of dinner correcting table manners and snapping at kids to sit correctly. If prompted to make conversation, he asks the kids meaningless questions and doesn’t listen to their answers.

Do you consider their autism "mild"?

DH and DS have autism and dinner is terrible. DH doesn’t know how to make conversation so just spends all of dinner correcting table manners and snapping at kids to sit correctly. If prompted to make conversation, he asks the kids meaningless questions and doesn’t listen to their answers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop saying mild ASD. It's crappy.

oh FFS. stop.

+1 I have a kid with mild autism. First, you don’t get to police fellow ASD moms just because you don’t like something and 2) it is absolutely an accepted term. Like the NIH and Autism Parenting Magazine are using it. So instead of tearing down fellow special needs moms, go find a hobby.

No such thing as mild autism. There is Level 1 autism. Just look at OP's post. Her child is markedly affected. Just look at the wife who is now is saddled wife a husband who won't talk to her.

Anonymous wrote:I just talk with my NT kids, HFA spouse just sits there ignoring us all. He thinks it’s crazy to talk. Out loud. To people.

I hear ya!

Why did you marry him if he rather not talk to you (or anyone)?

I just talk with my NT kids, HFA spouse just sits there ignoring us all. He thinks it’s crazy to talk. Out loud. To people.

I hear ya!

My ADHD 8 year old would talk the entire time if we let him. Trying to enforce family dinner with newly diagnosed DH and NT 11 year old daughter. But it’s tiring at times. However with practice we are getting better. I didn’t really even try during the pandemic. But I’m feeling like it’s now or never so i am trying.

Anonymous wrote:Irritable and checked out by dinnertime when dose 2 wears off. My DH has the same diagnosis and is the same way so dinner is not very fun. I manage the facade of family dinners for my youngest DD by putting on a podcast or having us sit at the counter and watch a TV show so she won’t be growing up with just grumpy silence as her dinner soundtrack because I’m exhausted from the job of making conversation for half my family.

I’d love a recommendation for good conversation starter cards or even some kind of puzzle thing we could solve out loud during dinner. Anything would be better than dead silence or the TV.

I just talk with my NT kids, HFA spouse just sits there ignoring us all. He thinks it’s crazy to talk. Out loud. To people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop saying mild ASD. It's crappy.

oh FFS. stop.

+1 I have a kid with mild autism. First, you don’t get to police fellow ASD moms just because you don’t like something and 2) it is absolutely an accepted term. Like the NIH and Autism Parenting Magazine are using it. So instead of tearing down fellow special needs moms, go find a hobby.

Anonymous wrote:Ours sometimes leaves the table early, is sometimes irritable, sometimes monopolizes the conversation, and is sometimes fine.

Don't give up.

+1

During covid when we literally ate dinner every night together, we bought trivia questions and other conversation starter cars off Amazon. We probably have 20 different packages somewhere better than others but it worked well.

(this had been a change for us, because we had previously been eating only a few nights a week and dealing with activities other times)

But in general, my ADHD child and my Nuro, typical child do much better when the conversation is not related to that, so not friends, studying or their sports but instead talking about other family, members, or neighbors or upcoming holidays or similar.

Anonymous wrote:Our mildly ASD teenage DD is usually the first the leave the table but participates in the conversation just fine. Her biggest conversational challenge is not interrupting when someone is already speaking but she is working on it.

Same, we deal with interruptions, but otherwise pretty good conversations 95 percent of the time. Occasionally there's a grumpy day, but that's more common at breakfast than dinner.

Anonymous wrote:Irritable and checked out by dinnertime when dose 2 wears off. My DH has the same diagnosis and is the same way so dinner is not very fun. I manage the facade of family dinners for my youngest DD by putting on a podcast or having us sit at the counter and watch a TV show so she won’t be growing up with just grumpy silence as her dinner soundtrack because I’m exhausted from the job of making conversation for half my family.

I’d love a recommendation for good conversation starter cards or even some kind of puzzle thing we could solve out loud during dinner. Anything would be better than dead silence or the TV.

I like the idea of trivia questions or something. Maybe that could help. I am managing the facade as well.

Sometimes. Not much. FWIW I also have a NT 15 yo boy and he won’t talk at dinner. He’s pretty chatty at breakfast but completely zonked at dinner from school/sports/activities. So my expectations aren’t high but dinner might not be the time to work on this.

Our mildly ASD teenage DD is usually the first the leave the table but participates in the conversation just fine. Her biggest conversational challenge is not interrupting when someone is already speaking but she is working on it.