As the parent of a middle schooler, this thread is truly terrifying to me. I talk to my kid about all the things, but she doesn’t talk back much. Which is what scares me. Every once in awhile, she’ll be in the mood and open up but when she really likes a boy, I doubt she will and man oh man, how will I find out what is going on? We’ve already had scenarios where friends cover for each other (harmless things they don’t want parents to know or little secrets they think they’re keeping). And I she really like her friends; they’re a really great group of kids, for the most part. Ur even good kids can make bad decisions.

Our MS had a pregnant 8th grader last year. Don't be so sure that it's always fake dating

Most of them it's a nothing burger. Holding hands, occasional FT, maybe walking home after school and meeting up for a meal some place public.

Some of them (minority), it's sending boob pics, BJs and making out by 7th grade in places like the woods or a movie theater.

Reality check. If you are the mother of a girl (I am one), have ALL THE CONVERSATIONS and do not assume it's all sweet hand holding. Some of these boys are major a-holes and double standards are alive and well. The boy is a hero and the girl will get made fun of, talked about, and carry it with her going forward.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The amount of sexting, pics, snaps, videos, and in person, more than kissing that goes on in middle school is astounding.

Be very vigilant.

And some just hold hands after class on their short walk to the busses. It's a spectrum but definitely needs some discussion from parents

NP. Which is exactly how it was when all of us were kids. I knew people for whom dating in middle school was indistinguishable from being friends and people for whom it meant splitting a six pack and having unprotected sex. You have to know the kids involved to have an idea.

Anonymous wrote:My DD is an 8th grader. From what I have seen/heard, there is an entire spectrum, in terms of what kids do when they're "dating". The vast majority of kids see each other during school, talk/text/FT, hang out as groups in the mall, hold hands walking down the hallway, etc. A not unsubstantial portion of them go a little further, to kissing. This happens when they're supposedly hanging out at the mall in a friend group (the friends are enablers), going to birthday parties, and sometimes sneaking around at school. There are very few kids that have gone further. I know of two girls that have had sex (one stopped, the other is continuing), but that appears to be the minority.

This is very similar to when I was in middle school back in the 90s! LOL

I had my "first BF" then but we only saw each other at school, definitely didn't go past a peck on the lips. I had heard of a couple of kids in middle school who were having sex, but they were outside of my circle and looking back, I can definitely see these just being rumors. My 8th grade DD tells me everything. Who kissed who and where. Who is dating who. She wants a boyfriend but it hasn't lined up yet, the boys she's interested in don't seem interested in her and vice versa. She doesn't know anyone who has had sex yet but she knows of a couple girls who will give blowjobs as a stopgap for sex. We talk about all this a lot and how when and if she ever finds herself in that position, boys are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves instead of requiring a bj LOL. These talks make her cringe, especially since she hasn't had her first kiss yet, but I just want to give her language she can use when the time comes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was in middle school everyone found out my neighbor was dating a guy when she thought you couldn’t be seen in a certain outdoor area. Then between classes everyone walking down the stairwell saw her on her knees giving the art teachers son a BJ.

There are always [b]"those girls."

And “ those boys”

not the same. and you know it.

My DD is an 8th grader. From what I have seen/heard, there is an entire spectrum, in terms of what kids do when they're "dating". The vast majority of kids see each other during school, talk/text/FT, hang out as groups in the mall, hold hands walking down the hallway, etc. A not unsubstantial portion of them go a little further, to kissing. This happens when they're supposedly hanging out at the mall in a friend group (the friends are enablers), going to birthday parties, and sometimes sneaking around at school. There are very few kids that have gone further. I know of two girls that have had sex (one stopped, the other is continuing), but that appears to be the minority.

Anonymous wrote:The amount of sexting, pics, snaps, videos, and in person, more than kissing that goes on in middle school is astounding.

Be very vigilant.

And some just hold hands after class on their short walk to the busses. It's a spectrum but definitely needs some discussion from parents

The amount of sexting, pics, snaps, videos, and in person, more than kissing that goes on in middle school is astounding.

Be very vigilant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was in middle school everyone found out my neighbor was dating a guy when she thought you couldn’t be seen in a certain outdoor area. Then between classes everyone walking down the stairwell saw her on her knees giving the art teachers son a BJ.

There are always [b]"those girls."

And “ those boys”

Anonymous wrote:When I was in middle school everyone found out my neighbor was dating a guy when she thought you couldn’t be seen in a certain outdoor area. Then between classes everyone walking down the stairwell saw her on her knees giving the art teachers son a BJ.

There are always [b]"those girls."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's fine. Likely just hanging out at school, public places that she'll need to be driven to (by you) and maybe hanging out at his or your house where you can set some strict ground rules. They'll talk, hold hands and kiss. A LOT. Whether you tag along at a distance or not is up to you and what you're comfortable with, at least until you get to know the guy... and it'll be very short lived relationship.

I'd focus more on not letting someone pressure her to do anything and that real consent is when both parties are on the same page, not to achieve a "yes." Set the bar high but lay it out that it should be on her terms whether it be a kiss or holding hands or anything. I wouldn't get caught up in specifics of physicality and make blanket rules that frankly don't work and please don't slut shame her.

If you are going to the movies with them and sitting a few rows away, sit behind them, not in front.

please stop. you don't actually know what "they are going to kiss a lot" or that "it will be a very short live relationship". you are not a guest from the future. you don't know any of this.

Lol okay. Forbid everything. Throw the bible at them. This was my best friend's parents growing up and she got pregnant in HS and I waited until college while my parents openly discussed sex. But go ahead and try to control your daughter.

And you go ahead and be ridiculous and act like the only 2 options are the 2 extremes you describe. OP, step up as a guide, as a parent, as someone with opinions about what is appropriate, what's not, and why. Listen to your DD, answer all her questions. Figure out what most kids are doing at her school from other parents you trust (ask real people in your life, your DD's BFF's parents or others you know in real life who know the school environment she's in, or ask the school counselor if you're truly clueless). And figure out what your checks and balances are going to be. How will you check in on what's going on with her beyond just what she tells you? I'm not talking about spying or following them on dates in a disguise, but what will your check in's be?

When I was in middle school everyone found out my neighbor was dating a guy when she thought you couldn’t be seen in a certain outdoor area. Then between classes everyone walking down the stairwell saw her on her knees giving the art teachers son a BJ.

My 7th grade DS has a girlfriend. It's new and very sweet. They FT along with other friends, just like before they were dating. I took him to Chipotle where they had a "date" and he brought her flowers. I stayed nearby in the same shopping center and gave them 30 mins. I'm not worried for either of them.

Anonymous wrote:With my kids and their friends at that age, dating means someone asks someone to be their BF or GF and then it’s mostly just texting or an occasional FaceTime. They rarely go anywhere. In middle school they hung out with groups at the mall or out to lunch or Starbucks. Parents did not tag along but it wasn’t one on one.

I heard similar. The just say they are BF or GF in name only. They don’t really go out if ever. Theydatefora few weeks and then break up. It’s kinda weird. But that’s MS nowadays.