Anonymous
Post 11/10/2023 09:24     Subject: Why has silence become an acceptable response to invitations, questions, etc.?
Anonymous wrote:Just in the last week or so . . . .

Asked a friend if her daughter would ever be interested in babysitting, because I need to add to my roster. No response. Which could mean no. Or it could mean any number of things that I can only guess because absent a “no” nothing is clear.

Asked some neighbors if they wanted to attend something (I have an extra ticket), and specifically asked for a response one way or the other because the event is soon. The first response was a generic emoji that didn’t actually answer. I followed up two days later and I got a “checking “ response. Several days later, still no answer so I found someone else. Still never heard back from my neighbor - for all I know they plan to attend and I’ll get a text from them the day of asking about it!

Sent a message to my book club asking if anyone wanted to join me doing something. Got one yes, great. Got another response from someone who was busy but otherwise interested. Also great - at least have an understanding about this person. Zero response from everyone else. So again, I’m left to guess. Did they just not like the activity? Interested but busy? Who knows.

WTF? No wonder there are so many people who feel lonely, isolated , disassociated, etc. No one can bother to put in bare minimum effort to communicate. And so many people think that it’s okay to just forget to respond. No, it’s not, it’s rude. To leave it to someone else to have to follow up or wonder what you’re thinking, when all you need to do is spend 5 seconds typing “no thank you “ or “no, I’m not interested “ is not okay! It’s one thing thing to get busy and be delayed in responding. Or to use silence as a response with someone who can’t accept boundaries or take “no” as an answer. But why is it socially acceptable to drop the ball in all manner of communication?



Maybe you have bad breath
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2023 09:05     Subject: Why has silence become an acceptable response to invitations, questions, etc.?
Anonymous wrote:It’s not acceptable. People just have really poor manners. It wasn’t engrained in them how to behave. And there is no longer much shame for being poorly mannered like there once was.


+1 for sure
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2023 09:05     Subject: Why has silence become an acceptable response to invitations, questions, etc.?
Social niceties are the way people build and preserve relationships. When people are silent and never respond, I take that as a sign that this person doesn’t want a relationship, and move on.

The best thing about this is that you can focus your energy on the people that *do* respond. They are the ones who want a relationship with you.
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2023 09:02     Subject: Why has silence become an acceptable response to invitations, questions, etc.?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No one owes you a response. That's a very entitled way of thinking. The silence is a no or what a rude question or why are you asking me this for the 5th time. Silence says volumes but you're not listening


If you ask a direct question you are absolutely owed a respond. Unless you’re a heathen with no manners.


I actually agree with this. You know the person asking the question is internally asking the difficult person "who hurt you?! take a proper socialization class!" Some people need to get over themselves - they lack power, so they think they are punishing the other person by not answering their question. In reality, they are only punishing themselves by missing out.
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2023 09:00     Subject: Re:Why has silence become an acceptable response to invitations, questions, etc.?
Anonymous wrote:Are these all texts? I get a lot of texts, and they quickly disappear down the list after being read.
You could do two things:
1. Word everything so that it's clear that silence will be a no. "I have a ticket for Event and would love for you to join me! LMK by Thurs so I can offer it to someone else if you're busy."
2. Do the above, but with an email. I know email is unfashionable but it has better tools for flagging messages.

This. If this is all by text, well, people get a lot of texts, and they get buried quickly. I generally take silence as a no, or at least don't stress about it. If possible, include a deadline and make the default answer no. If I genuinely need an answer, I follow up.
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2023 08:59     Subject: Re:Why has silence become an acceptable response to invitations, questions, etc.?
Anonymous wrote:If it’s a group text asking about attending something, people usually just don’t respond if they’re not interested. That doesn’t offend me much. If you ask one person a direct question, it’s polite to respond either way.


It would offend me if it is a small group (ten or less), or something that requires a reservation - otherwise, no offense.
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2023 08:58     Subject: Why has silence become an acceptable response to invitations, questions, etc.?
Anonymous wrote:I am very responsive, clear, prompt and polite with the vast majority of people in my life. If I am evasive or don’t engage, it is because the person contacting me is notoriously obnoxious and doesn’t respect “no,” doesn’t respect anything other than what they want/what they want to hear, and is generally unable to take no for an answer or read social cues.


I understand that some people do this, and I as well, but there are some people just itching, and they tend to be adversarial, no matter how simple or inoffensive the question. It takes the form of wanting the person who asked the question to look like the bad guy - a deflection/projection, from asocial respondents. They respondent is difficult, and lacks communication skills, so they scapegoat the person who is asking a simple and inoffensive question. If you pay more attention, you can see it in certain (usually predictable) situations. After a while, it becomes a game of Bingo.
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2023 08:57     Subject: Re:Why has silence become an acceptable response to invitations, questions, etc.?
Anonymous wrote:If it’s a group text asking about attending something, people usually just don’t respond if they’re not interested. That doesn’t offend me much. If you ask one person a direct question, it’s polite to respond either way.


Yeah, I was just going to write this. In OP's examples, the third one doesn't require a response. It's a group email asking if people wanted to join her.
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2023 08:55     Subject: Re:Why has silence become an acceptable response to invitations, questions, etc.?
If it’s a group text asking about attending something, people usually just don’t respond if they’re not interested. That doesn’t offend me much. If you ask one person a direct question, it’s polite to respond either way.
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2023 08:50     Subject: Why has silence become an acceptable response to invitations, questions, etc.?
I am very responsive, clear, prompt and polite with the vast majority of people in my life. If I am evasive or don’t engage, it is because the person contacting me is notoriously obnoxious and doesn’t respect “no,” doesn’t respect anything other than what they want/what they want to hear, and is generally unable to take no for an answer or read social cues.
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2023 08:45     Subject: Why has silence become an acceptable response to invitations, questions, etc.?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No one owes you a response. That's a very entitled way of thinking. The silence is a no or what a rude question or why are you asking me this for the 5th time. Silence says volumes but you're not listening


If you ask a direct question you are absolutely owed a respond. Unless you’re a heathen with no manners.


+1

Yes or no is an answer, if you are not inclined to use full sentences, like an adult. Also, if someone invites you to something, be polite about it, one way or the other. If someone asks you an innocuous question, act like you have parents.
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2023 08:43     Subject: Why has silence become an acceptable response to invitations, questions, etc.?
Anonymous wrote:It’s not acceptable. People just have really poor manners. It wasn’t engrained in them how to behave. And there is no longer much shame for being poorly mannered like there once was.


+1. Ugly faces have replaced words, in some cases (for those extremely asocial).
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2023 08:42     Subject: Why has silence become an acceptable response to invitations, questions, etc.?
Anonymous wrote:No one owes you a response. That's a very entitled way of thinking. The silence is a no or what a rude question or why are you asking me this for the 5th time. Silence says volumes but you're not listening


The entitled generation has entered the chat.
…to tell you that you are NOT entitled to expect good manners and civility.
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2023 08:34     Subject: Why has silence become an acceptable response to invitations, questions, etc.?
Anonymous wrote:No one owes you a response. That's a very entitled way of thinking. The silence is a no or what a rude question or why are you asking me this for the 5th time. Silence says volumes but you're not listening


If you ask a direct question you are absolutely owed a respond. Unless you’re a heathen with no manners.
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2023 08:29     Subject: Re:Why has silence become an acceptable response to invitations, questions, etc.?
Anonymous wrote:Are these all texts? I get a lot of texts, and they quickly disappear down the list after being read.
You could do two things:
1. Word everything so that it's clear that silence will be a no. "I have a ticket for Event and would love for you to join me! LMK by Thurs so I can offer it to someone else if you're busy."
2. Do the above, but with an email. I know email is unfashionable but it has better tools for flagging messages.

DP here and you are much more likely to get a response from me if you text. My email is overwhelmed with crap. So this is not universal.