Anonymous
11/09/2023 20:47
Subject: Mom expects FaceTime every day
Anonymous wrote:I’m a Grandma and my greatest joy is seeing my grandkids. My kids somehow manage to indulge me about 5 nights a week.
You are probably like my MIL, who is attentive and loving to my DD on FaceTime and also respectful to the point of being silly when it comes to being careful of our time and boundaries.
Meanwhile my own mom throws a fit about how we never talk to her. Maybe it’s because when she wants to “FaceTime DD” she really just wants to get attention for herself and gets frustrated and impatient if DD isn’t the proper performing monkey she expects. And much like PP above, she expects all of this to line up with her schedule and refuses to flex around the unpredictable schedule of a small child in a different time zone.
Advice for relatives: if make an effort to give you time with their kids, be grateful and respectful and they’ll give you more. Otherwise think about how you act during calls and how you treat people between them.
I’ll also add that my own mom had me talk for ~3 minutes/month to her mom on the phone and sent school photos 1x/year. So it’s not like I’m turning my back on some ancient family tradition of close communication and connection.
Anonymous
11/09/2023 20:45
Subject: Re:Mom expects FaceTime every day
Have you all tried the app Marco Polo? It really might be great for you and especially as baby gets older (because this will just get even worse because toddlers and preschoolers get over FaceTime FAST). Marco Polo works much better with toddlers and up in my experience and it would take the coordination and pressure off - it’s basically like a well done video messaging app. I’m sure she will still want some live FaceTimes but it really can be better than it sounds. When you have a moment you take a quick video of baby, when she gets off work she looks at it and sends a video back etc. Again at least worth considering once baby is older
Anonymous
11/09/2023 20:43
Subject: Mom expects FaceTime every day
Anonymous wrote:You need to let her complaints roll off your back. Just ignore them. A simple "sorry mom, couldn't today. We'll try tomorrow." That's it.
This. And seriously f all the people trying to guilt you - and I say this as someone who lost her mother and would love to do this but my mother would not make me feel bad if it didn’t happen and neither should yours.
Anonymous
11/09/2023 20:42
Subject: Mom expects FaceTime every day
PP her. Sorry hit submit too early.
It sounds like a scheduling thing. Maybe make plans ahead of time.
Making videos and sending them is a great idea. She can watch them whenever she wants. We use a photo sharing app and sometimes I flip through the pics and videos before I go to bed.
It’s so nice that you have a Mom who’s interested in your child.Grandparents are important.You can work this out
It sounds like a scheduling thing. Maybe make plans ahead of time.
Making videos and sending them is a great idea. She can watch them whenever she wants. We use a photo sharing app and sometimes I flip through the pics and videos before I go to bed.
It’s so nice that you have a Mom who’s interested in your child.Grandparents are important.You can work this out
Anonymous
11/09/2023 20:40
Subject: Mom expects FaceTime every day
Anonymous wrote:I FaceTime my parents everyday. I work and have 3 kids. I do outsource cleaning and baby sitting when I am working. I love speaking to my parents (I miss them and they are amazing). I know it’s important to them and they love to hear about my life and grandkids.
They don’t get to see the grandkids every day unless I FaceTime on my way to school drop off.
You can make time for a 5 min FaceTime
So if some reason you don’t FaceTime with them one day, what is their reaction?
Anonymous
11/09/2023 20:38
Subject: Mom expects FaceTime every day
I FaceTime my parents everyday. I work and have 3 kids. I do outsource cleaning and baby sitting when I am working. I love speaking to my parents (I miss them and they are amazing). I know it’s important to them and they love to hear about my life and grandkids.
They don’t get to see the grandkids every day unless I FaceTime on my way to school drop off.
You can make time for a 5 min FaceTime
They don’t get to see the grandkids every day unless I FaceTime on my way to school drop off.
You can make time for a 5 min FaceTime
Anonymous
11/09/2023 20:37
Subject: Mom expects FaceTime every day
I’m a Grandma and my greatest joy is seeing my grandkids. My kids somehow manage to indulge me about 5 nights a week.
Anonymous
11/09/2023 20:20
Subject: Mom expects FaceTime every day
You need to let her complaints roll off your back. Just ignore them. A simple "sorry mom, couldn't today. We'll try tomorrow." That's it.
Anonymous
11/09/2023 20:19
Subject: Mom expects FaceTime every day
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The reality is that you DO have the time, and you just don't want to. Be honest with yourself, and us. Because you could facetime her while folding laundry or cooking, etc. You just dont want to talk with her every day and that's okay.
So tell her "Mom, I can do every Wednesday and Sunday. But daily just isn't going to happen, sorry."
Every effing day???
Seriously? I would lose my mind.
She doesn’t want to talk to me. She just wants to see and talk to the baby (which is fine) it’s just hard to maneuver when I’m doing other tasks. My baby also takes two 2-hour naps and my mom works the night shift, so she sleeps
until 2:30 pm, then naps in the evenings. It’s hard to find a time that works for all.
You srsly can't set up a quick facetime while the baby is eating or playing or something?
Anonymous
11/09/2023 20:15
Subject: Re:Mom expects FaceTime every day
It’s not the FaceTime that’s the problem. It’s grandma’s response when it doesn’t happen one day. She gets upset and makes it about her. THAT is why you need to shut this down. It’s manipulative and immature.
She needs some tough love. Clear is kind.
“Mom, I will either call or send a short video clip when I can. If you bother me, like the texts in the morning or complain when I’ve missed a day or make this about you, you’ll get nothing that day or the next.”
Then be ready for her to test it. The sooner you follow through and demonstrate consistency, the faster she see that you mean what you say.
This is great practice for when your baby is a teenager. 😬
She needs some tough love. Clear is kind.
“Mom, I will either call or send a short video clip when I can. If you bother me, like the texts in the morning or complain when I’ve missed a day or make this about you, you’ll get nothing that day or the next.”
Then be ready for her to test it. The sooner you follow through and demonstrate consistency, the faster she see that you mean what you say.
This is great practice for when your baby is a teenager. 😬
Anonymous
11/09/2023 20:05
Subject: Re:Mom expects FaceTime every day
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:A daily FaceTime with my mom is something I miss.
I wish my mother had ever wanted to FaceTime with my kids. She had zero interest.
Same, but I can also see how OP’s mom is completely overbearing with the FT demands. There is a nice middle ground.
Anonymous
11/09/2023 20:04
Subject: Mom expects FaceTime every day
“Mom! Stop hassling me! I’m focused on household stuff right now. I’ll call you over the weekend.”
Anonymous
11/09/2023 19:49
Subject: Re:Mom expects FaceTime every day
Anonymous wrote:A daily FaceTime with my mom is something I miss.
I wish my mother had ever wanted to FaceTime with my kids. She had zero interest.
Anonymous
11/09/2023 19:35
Subject: Re:Mom expects FaceTime every day
A daily FaceTime with my mom is something I miss.
Anonymous
11/09/2023 19:15
Subject: Mom expects FaceTime every day
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The reality is that you DO have the time, and you just don't want to. Be honest with yourself, and us. Because you could facetime her while folding laundry or cooking, etc. You just dont want to talk with her every day and that's okay.
So tell her "Mom, I can do every Wednesday and Sunday. But daily just isn't going to happen, sorry."
She doesn’t want to talk to me. She just wants to see and talk to the baby (which is fine) it’s just hard to maneuver when I’m doing other tasks. My baby also takes two 2-hour naps and my mom works the night shift, so she sleeps
until 2:30 pm, then naps in the evenings. It’s hard to find a time that works for all.
You srsly can't set up a quick facetime while the baby is eating or playing or something?
This is what I typically do. I really do my best to call daily. But if I miss one or two days out of the week, she blows it out of proportion. When in reality, we just had a busy day. She thinks it was intentional though. Maybe we went out or the baby was extra fussy. It just feels like a lot of pressure.
You need to nip this in the bud now. Set clear boundaries and stick to them. This will only get worse if you don't set boundaries now.
Ignore or block until she realized you will not be available daily.