Anonymous wrote:Honestly I’d stay in a hotel in this situation. These families aren’t compatible and it is just going to be a high stress situation.

+1

Since this trip is already paid for, just be gracious, make the best of whatever conditions you walk into when you arrive, then switch to paying for your own hotel room at a hotel of your choice near where you are visiting.

I wouldn’t assume that you are the most well off unless you have seen their family net worth statements. I have family who plays these games with us and they have the same wealth level that we have but are older, no dependents. They cry poor. We didn’t learn what their real wealth level was until they were applying for public assistance and asked DH how to hide assets.

Anonymous wrote:“Sibling, if Nephew 1 and Nephew 2 wind up using our room before we get there, please help them make sure they get it clean again before we arrive. That means all their stuff out, fresh sheets on the bed, fresh towels in the bathroom, sink/floor/toilet/shower clean again, etc. If this is too much hassle, they may want to just stick to their own room and bathroom. Considering how late we’re going to get in, we really don’t want to have to deal with changing the sheets and picking up after them when we arrive.”

And maybe causally mention to your mom to supervise this to make sure its up to your standards. Clean freaks usually dont mind cleaning a bit...

“Sibling, if Nephew 1 and Nephew 2 wind up using our room before we get there, please help them make sure they get it clean again before we arrive. That means all their stuff out, fresh sheets on the bed, fresh towels in the bathroom, sink/floor/toilet/shower clean again, etc. If this is too much hassle, they may want to just stick to their own room and bathroom. Considering how late we’re going to get in, we really don’t want to have to deal with changing the sheets and picking up after them when we arrive.”

Anonymous wrote:I think a reasonable compromise would be to tell your sibling:

“You paid to arrive at a clean house with clean sheets on your bed and a clean bathroom. I also paid to arrive to clean sheets on my bed and a clean bathroom. If that doesn’t happen when I arrive, you will be refunding me partially for the room if your kids are responsible for messing up my bedroom and bathroom. If they do sleep in there, they will wash the sheets. If they do use the bathroom, they will clean it. Just as you would accept a partial refund if your rooms and bathrooms were dirty on arrival, so will I.”

Whoo, is this how people really talk to their family? I agree they shouldn’t use the room, but this script would start WWIII in my family.

Anonymous wrote:The teens will use your bedroom and bathroom, so just be ready for that.

If you want bagels, bring them.

+1. If you don’t want them using your space, you better be there to guard it. Change your plans to arrive on Monday.

Jfc it is wild to me that either of these requests are considered “too much.” And yeah OP, I get it. I’d be pissed if I were taking on a larger share of the total cost while simultaneously being told that making *my* stay minimally bearable is just soooooo burdensome.

Different way to ask this is if you would be okay with the others making the same requests of you. My hunch is yes- stay out of rooms that are not your own, and add a couple of items to the shopping list (do people not just offer this as a routine courtesy?!).

Anyways OP you seem to have a good attitude about this so far, much better than mine anyways. Good luck!

I think the room thing is totally fine.

I would ask for specific breakfast food. If I was the one buying the food, I'd happily buy whatever you wanted, and put it aside, labeled for you. Or I'd buy enough for everyone who will be there, and you'd definitely get fed but you'd get what you get. There's no way you'd arrive half way through a trip and there would be zero food.

But this in between thing of telling me I need to leave things, but I have to choose what to leave, etc . . . would be really confusing. If you want me to tell my kids they can't eat these bagels because we're saving them to eat with Aunt Larla and her kids, that's fine. If you want me to tell my kids that they can have some but not all and they're supposed to judge what Aunt Larla and her family is likely to want? That's harder.

I think a reasonable compromise would be to tell your sibling:

“You paid to arrive at a clean house with clean sheets on your bed and a clean bathroom. I also paid to arrive to clean sheets on my bed and a clean bathroom. If that doesn’t happen when I arrive, you will be refunding me partially for the room if your kids are responsible for messing up my bedroom and bathroom. If they do sleep in there, they will wash the sheets. If they do use the bathroom, they will clean it. Just as you would accept a partial refund if your rooms and bathrooms were dirty on arrival, so will I.”

OP, have the other family pay for your share of the accommodations for the nights they are using the room. I’m betting they won’t be so interested when they have to do pay for it.

I think it’s totally fine to expect nobody to use your room before you get there. Dirty sheets, dirty room, dirty bathroom. This is a request you can make.

Bring breakfast cereal and/or instant oatmeal.

Is there a question or are you just sharing?

I would personally think your requests are reasonable and would respect them. Does not mean this will go well though!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s too much to ask for your room to be unoccupied the time you aren’t there. I would just eat whatever they have around for breakfast.

NP. No, it’s not too much. The people who asked if they could use someone else’s room without paying for it should be second guessing their request and wondering if they’re TA. They sound selfish.

Of course they’re selfish…. They’re family!

Anonymous wrote:It’s too much to ask for your room to be unoccupied the time you aren’t there. I would just eat whatever they have around for breakfast.

NP. No, it’s not too much. The people who asked if they could use someone else’s room without paying for it should be second guessing their request and wondering if they’re TA. They sound selfish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I’d stay in a hotel in this situation. These families aren’t compatible and it is just going to be a high stress situation.

+1. If I were you and already worrying about bagels to this degree, I’d pay the 25% but still book a hotel and stay there. Lower stress is worth the extra money.

Bagels was me just second guessing my response to the call for additions to the grocery list (thinking about asking them to
Put some stuff aside for us) I’m over that. (OP)