Don't overreact to a conversation that hasn't even happened. Bring it up. See how he reacts. But if he's going away with a friend, I don't see how he can push back on you taking a trip that you would like.

Anonymous wrote:TLDR: If you've done it, how have you justified it to your spouse?

Not sure this is the right place but I am married and am not sure how my DH is going to react to my desire to go away for a week alone. I've never had a solo vacation in our 20 years of marriage. I came into the marriage with my own money and have always earned more than my partner. Together we have a total NW of over 3M. But we don't live like it. The only joy we get out of money is when we travel. We've been to some very nice places but when we are on family vacation, I'm discouraged from having a spa day or even half-day.

Also, I'm curious about spa services. I am having a milestone birthday and think it will help me relax. The ones I'm looking at are expensive but I have never overspent on anything in my life. I've worked since I was 12 (babysitting, housekeeper, fast food, preschool, apartment leasing agent, then my professional jobs. I've had some physically and mentally demanding jobs and b/c I have special needs kids, I have a mentally and physically demanding home-life too.

Not sure what my DH would say, honestly. I'm afraid he'll either say no or say if you get that, I get a vacation home or some other outrageous thing. I should also note that he's taking a 10-day solo trip over the summer with a friend. It's not the same cost but it's about the same days if I fly, go for 7 days so the child-care burden is a wash.

If you've done it, how did you justify it?

Mine was a three day trip with friends but it was: “hey, I want to go on a girls trip. What week works for you?”

That’s how I justified it.

^^ Thanks. Looking at both.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP golden door is fine, but I much prefer Rancho La Puerta. Almost the same travel but the campus is much bigger and prettier and imo there are more offerings, also the hiking is much better. And the kitchen farm is lovely, if they have a visiting chef I definitely recommend that.

Golden door is a little cultier and has some Asian-inspired stuff that frankly feels tone deaf.

At least take a look at Rancho La Puerta. But they’re both really nice and ultimately pretty similar.

If you've been to both can you explain "cultier" and ease of planning. One thing I like about GD is few decisions. I think I just talk to a person and they make a schedule. I like that. I make about 1K decisions a day between home and work.

They’re both sort of like summer camp, and as I recall the process of picking activities was the same or close? You definitely don’t need to make a lot of decisions at RLP. I’m sure they will happily make a schedule for you. This intel is old, also, like a decade on golden door.

Golden door had breakfast in the room which was nice but I prefer the big dining hall at RLP. Golden door also had matching robes for dining which was not my fave.

Like I said I just prefer the campus at RLP, I like the casitas too with the tile roofs and the fireplaces. But the golden door rooms were probably fancier? I didn’t see all of them obviously.

They’re a lot more alike than different and I’m sure OP would have a great time at either one, I just think it you’re considering one you should at least look at the other.

Being in Mexico is sort of irrelevant unless you want to leave campus for some reason but I guess you do need a passport.

Anonymous wrote:OP golden door is fine, but I much prefer Rancho La Puerta. Almost the same travel but the campus is much bigger and prettier and imo there are more offerings, also the hiking is much better. And the kitchen farm is lovely, if they have a visiting chef I definitely recommend that.

Golden door is a little cultier and has some Asian-inspired stuff that frankly feels tone deaf.

At least take a look at Rancho La Puerta. But they’re both really nice and ultimately pretty similar.

If you've been to both can you explain "cultier" and ease of planning. One thing I like about GD is few decisions. I think I just talk to a person and they make a schedule. I like that. I make about 1K decisions a day between home and work.

Anonymous wrote:OP golden door is fine, but I much prefer Rancho La Puerta. Almost the same travel but the campus is much bigger and prettier and imo there are more offerings, also the hiking is much better. And the kitchen farm is lovely, if they have a visiting chef I definitely recommend that.

Golden door is a little cultier and has some Asian-inspired stuff that frankly feels tone deaf.

At least take a look at Rancho La Puerta. But they’re both really nice and ultimately pretty similar.

Interesting. Apparently GD is a registered historical place and I totally get the tone deaf thing. I'll look at Rancho La Puerta a bit more. I've never been to Mexico and have a handy dandy passport ready to stamp.

OP golden door is fine, but I much prefer Rancho La Puerta. Almost the same travel but the campus is much bigger and prettier and imo there are more offerings, also the hiking is much better. And the kitchen farm is lovely, if they have a visiting chef I definitely recommend that.

Golden door is a little cultier and has some Asian-inspired stuff that frankly feels tone deaf.

At least take a look at Rancho La Puerta. But they’re both really nice and ultimately pretty similar.

Anonymous wrote:I've been on two 6-day solo spa trips to Miraval in Arizona. I do group hikes, exericise classes, meditation, yoga and solo walks. I also get a massage every day. It is time well-spent and extremely relaxing. It is nice to have a bit of peaceful alone time with my own thoughts since I spend most of my time in a busy, noisy family environment. It helps me recharge. I highly recommend it!

This is what I'm looking for and thank you PP before this quoted one.

I've been on two 6-day solo spa trips to Miraval in Arizona. I do group hikes, exericise classes, meditation, yoga and solo walks. I also get a massage every day. It is time well-spent and extremely relaxing. It is nice to have a bit of peaceful alone time with my own thoughts since I spend most of my time in a busy, noisy family environment. It helps me recharge. I highly recommend it!

Yeah OP. It’s reasonable to sit down with your spouse and come up with an upper limit on the budget for both solo trips, especially if money is tight. And while you have kids at home, it’s reasonable to come up with an upper limit on the amount of time you will be away and your partner will be a solo parent for both of you. If you have kids at home, it’s reasonable to check with your spouse on timing before you book, so you don’t end up with a conflict with work travel or a huge work deadline (big trial for lawyers, early April for accountants, etc).

But unless there is something else compelling and unusual going on (disabled spouse, significantly disabled kid, etc), you are an adult and don’t need to ask permission You can just tell your spouse that this is happening, set a boundary and don’t move. Especially if he already travels without you.

My kids are in college. I’m traveling to Costa Rica for ten days this winter w/my SIL. And going to Playa del Carmen for 3 nights with my BFF a month later. I also travel with DD for long weekends after college ends for the year. I have seasonal affective disorder and have been traveling alone or with a friend or (usually) by SIL for 15 years.

Your marriage is important. But, it’s healthy to nurture other relationships. Or, if you need it, to spend time alone. DH has always said he was fine with my travel And I think he was. But he didn’t do his own travel until recently. Now he goes and skis 1-2 weekends each winter and does a week long workshop for his hobby that’s often flyable. We have a budget, and money comes out of our paychecks and oUt in a travel account.

And we travel together as well. For a long weekend for our anniversary and this upcoming summer, to Europe for 17 days. But, our interests and preferences don’t completely overlap. So, it’s more fun (and less expensive) to do some things solo.

And you shouldn’t feel guilty. Sometimes our budgets don’t match our desires. BUt, if you’ve never travelled solo? And never treated yourself? And have a lot of savings? What are you saving for if not to do some things you enjoy or splurge now and then.

And your husband may ask for a vacation home in return. But that’s ridiculous. Reasonable is spending about the same amount of time and money to do something they want.

And if your husband pouts and stamps his feet, that says something not to great about him and your marriage. Stand up for yourself now, stand up for yourself later or be prepared to be resentful and have an unhappy marriage— especially once kids go to college and time frees up.

Go! And don’t beg, plead, ask permission or agree to a lopsided “deal”. Don’t feel guilt or look back. you are an adult, you can decide to travel within your budget, then go for it.

Anonymous wrote:When you raise it with him, don’t ask. Tell him you have identified something you want for yourself and its big in terms of time and money but it’s important to you and you together will need to plan for it. It’s beneficial to a marriage that both partners find space for themselves (as your husband has with his annual trips) but equally important that you do it in a collaborative way. Don’t shy away from the fact that the investment in time and money impacts both of you - acknowledge it and address it head on. Hopefully he did the same with his annual trips.

Oh, this is good and what I need to read. Thank you.

When you raise it with him, don’t ask. Tell him you have identified something you want for yourself and its big in terms of time and money but it’s important to you and you together will need to plan for it. It’s beneficial to a marriage that both partners find space for themselves (as your husband has with his annual trips) but equally important that you do it in a collaborative way. Don’t shy away from the fact that the investment in time and money impacts both of you - acknowledge it and address it head on. Hopefully he did the same with his annual trips.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That seems excessive. Why can't you do just a long weekend?

OP’s husband has entered the chat…

DCUM is funny sometimes. The first page can be very helpful and on-target and then bam, a sour-puss enters the room. My DH is driving so shouldn't be on DCUM.

Anonymous wrote:Golden Door.

OP again: I picked it b/c I know I would not schedule all those spa services for myself bit if it's included, heck yeah. Also, a daily massage in my room seems like a special type of heaven to me. And food. I love to garden so will love walking through theirs and finally, I go on business trips to San Diego and I love that place. I know Golden Door isn't in San Diego but my associations are still there.

Anonymous wrote:That seems excessive. Why can't you do just a long weekend?

OP’s husband has entered the chat…