Anonymous wrote:I met my husband when I was 25 and he was 36. So I’d say those ages are unproblematic.

Twenty years later, I hardly feel the age difference at all.

I always heard the rule of thumb "divide [the older age] by two, plus seven." So that would be 36/2 = 18. 18+7 =25. You just made it!

I mean, I don't know if this works at the extreme low or high ends. If I'm 47, do I want to date an 80 year old, probably not?

My high school boyfriend married someone 10 years younger; I think they were like 28/38 when they got married. They have little kids now, while mine are in middle school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is 24 years older. We are happy together now but I do worry what happens when he’s too old.

He's too old now

He’s 60, but keeps an amazing shape. Still very handsome and sexy. But sometimes when he’s back from long travel, the tiredness does show his age. I’m more worried in about 10-20 years. But who knows what life will be? I’m just trying to enjoy the moment

Anonymous wrote:DH is 24 years older. We are happy together now but I do worry what happens when he’s too old.

He's too old now

I think between 30 and 50 everything is fair game. Before that there's immaturity and inexperience, and after that there's health problems.

DH is 24 years older. We are happy together now but I do worry what happens when he’s too old.

I was 20, DH was 28. Still together 23 years later. I like his salt and pepper hair!

Met DH when I was 32 and he was 45. Very happy 20 years later. If there isn’t a teenager or something I think it is fine.

We have that age gap. No big deal. Why are you asking?

Anonymous wrote:It's problematic in late teens to mid 20s. Not problematic at all 30s-50s. But, depending on the individuals involved, it can become problematic again 60s-70s-80s.

DH and I are 7 years apart, so I'm not criticizing an age difference. But if we were any further apart, I'd start worrying about staying in synch during our golden years.

Agreed. My parents had a 10 year age gap, and it was fine until my father died. It was like my mother immediately aged 10 years and caught up to him and that stage of life. I don't think it was becoming a widow itself, I think she mentally jumped to "my life partner aged and died, now my life is over as well and I'm just waiting to age and die." Which as someone in her mid-60's, slowed her down tremendously, both physically and cognitively. That's grief, but I think the age difference made it more complicated and three years later she doesn't seem like she'll ever fully bounce back.

It's been really hard to watch, and I don't think every early widow(er) would react the same way. But those last few years and the years since have been hard enough that I'd caution my own kids against such a large age gap with casual dating, unless it was their one true love and destiny and all.

Anonymous wrote:I met my husband when I was 25 and he was 36. So I’d say those ages are unproblematic.

Twenty years later, I hardly feel the age difference at all.

My auntie is in her 60s and her boyfriend whom she won't marry is in his 40s. They've been together 15 yrs.

Usually it's the man that's older when the woman needs to be dependent on the man.

After the younger party is 25 or so, IMO. Frontal cortex is developed, younger person has enough life experience that the mistakes they choose are on them and not presumptively exploitation by the older party. It might still be a bad idea, but in the same way Amy relationship may be a bad idea, not "problematic" bad.

I think once everyone is 30 and "established" to an extent, it's all gravy.

When he kicks the bucket and she gets to live Golden Girls style with her besties.

I would say when the younger partner hits their mid 20s. So 25-35 or so. Before that can be iffy if the younger partner is a lot less experienced, but can also be ok if the younger partner has dated a lot and is maybe more ready to settle down. It really just depends.

Discrepancies in finances and expectations with regards to kids are much more problematic than age differences. Sometimes these track age differences (as a general matter, older people tend to be more financial secure than younger people, and age can impact fertility and thus when you want kids or how many). But sometimes it doesn't matter. People are individuals.